They say opinions are like noses (OK,OK, but this is a family site, remember?), everybody has one. Here's mine, from a decidedly Redneck Point of View . . .

The topic today is BIC Lighters. It ain't the lighters thermselves, but they illustrate just how STUPID folks have got!

I still remember when they first came out with BICs. Handiest thing since shirt pockets. They were simple - all you did was flick that wheel and keep your thumb on the button. Now what could be simpler than that?

Apparently it was too simple. The next thing I know, they're putting instructions on BIC lighters! Now what kind of brain-rotted ignoramus needs instructions to flick a BIC? This ain't brain surgery! I managed to get the first one I ever had to work just fine the first time, and I never claimed to be a rocket scientist!

OK, now we've got warnings on them. Don't ignite it pointed toward your face. DUH! Don't ignite it towards your clothes. DUH! Make sure it's out before you put it in your pocket. COME ON PEOPLE! Just how dumb are we supposed to be? Contains flammable gas under pressure. Does anybody out there think they're full of water?

While we're putting stupid warnings on, why don't they say something like "Fire can damage your skin if held on too long"? How about "Do not insert in body oriface"? I mean, how far are we gonna take this stuff? How stupid do the folks at BIC think we are? And don't forget the big RED warning, "FLAMMABLE"! Psst! Hey, BIC! Listen close, I'll let you in on a secret:

And the latest affront to our intelligence: Child-proof lighters! Now who in the name of Little Jimmy Dickens came up with this? Is somebody afraid that a kid is gonna blow up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building with a BIC? Big business (and the government) need to figure something out - you can't protect folks from themselves. The parents have to keep the lighters away from the kids, not big business, not the government, the parents!

Now don't get me wrong - if somebody wants to use child-proof lighters, more power to 'em! I ain't saying that they shouldn't make 'em, I'm saying why don't they make regular ones, too? Hey, if you're gonna give folks something, shouldn't you figure out if they want it or not first? These things are a pain! I don't mind the ones that use that little strip of metal over the top so much, but those levers oughta be packed up, sealed in concrete (along with the idiot who invented them), and tossed into the nearest deepest body of water!

The things are mass-produced to start with. They don't always light the first time you flick 'em. I just have a habit of flicking them again if that happens, but it don't work if they've got that blasted lever. No, it's too simple to just re-light them, you've got to flick that little lever again, to let the lighter know you're not a child and have legal permission to use the BIC, I guess. Oh, well, that's probably why I use a Zippo!

Hey! I've got a wild and weird idea! Now this is gonna sound kinda strange at first, but just give it a chance to sink in bfore you go calling me a fascist (or whatever the politically correct term is for white working males today). Why don't we (hang on to your seats, this is gonna be radical!) let PARENTS raise kids? Gasp! Parents raising kids, without the government telling them how to do it! I told you it was gonna be a wild idea!

You know, I once heard that that was the way it was supposed to be done...