Smarter Blonde
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the digital cellphone via infra-red wireless connection to his modem port and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mail to all his co-workers, friends, clients, and suppliers that he knows. And then some. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Submitted by Stacey
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - *poof* - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - - - *poof* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...." - - - *poof*
submitted by Stacey
Julie, the blonde was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked. "Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
submitted by Christine
A blonde and a redhead woman went to lunch. They had to wait for their table so they sat in the bar and had a drink. The TV was on and they noticed the news was showing a man on a rooftop threatening to jump. The redhead told the blonde "I bet you 50 bucks he jumps." The blonde said you're on. Sure enough the man jumped so the blond starts to dig out her money. The redhead felt kind of bad so she said "that's ok, I cheated. I saw this on the 10 o'clock news last night. The blonde said "Well so did I, but I didn't think he would jump twice in a row!!
Submitted by Sheri
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.
P: "Uh ... How's that working?"
B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
P. "And why do you think that is?"
B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
Submitted by Sheri
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car. "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Submitted by Sheri
A blonde, a brunette and a readhead are stuck on an island. And for years and years they live there, one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a geenie. The geenie says "since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one" So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life-- I just want to go home" and POOF she is gone. The the red head makes her wish "This place sucks, I want to go home too" and poof she is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The geenie says to her " my dear what is the matter, "I wish my friends were here."
Submitted by Sheri
Two dumb blondes were driving through the middle of Kansas where there was nothing around for miles but wheatfields. One blonde says, 'Look over there!' There was another blonde wearing scuba gear and acting like she was swimming through the wheat. The other blonde says, 'Look over there!' where there was still another blonde in a boat. The blonde driving said, 'It's people like that that give us blondes a bad name.' The other blonde said, 'Yeah! And if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and beat the crap out of them!
Submitted by Sheri
Pickup Truck Full of Blondes
Four blondes went to the bar in their pick-up. Three sat up in the cab and one sat in the bed of the truck. The three blondes are in the bar for about an hour before the fourth finally comes in, looking frustrated. They ask, 'What took you so long?' She responds, 'Well, I had trouble getting the tail gate open!
Submitted by Sheri
The Blonde Swimmer
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were all at a swim meet. The gun went off and the brunette quickly takes first place with the red head close behind her. About an hour later the blonde climbs from the pool and begins complaining to the judges that while she was using the breaststroke, the other two had been using their arms.
Submitted by Sheri
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off. How did this happen?, the doctor asked. Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the Blonde replied. Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger? No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, I just paid $6,000 for these. Then I put it in my mouth and thought, I just paid $3,000 to get my teeth straightened. Then I put the gun in my ear, and thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.
Submitted by Krista
One day, a man who was flying to New York on business, boarded his plane only to find his 1st Class seat taken by a gorgeous blonde-headed lady. He mentioned to her that she was sitting in his seat & she turned to him & said, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful & I'm flying to New York City!" The man then replied, "I don't think you understand, lady. I'm also flying to NYC, but you're in my seat & I'd really like to sit down!" After this, she again said, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful & I'm flying to NYC!" No matter what he said to her, he still got the very same reply. Aggrivated, the man got up & headed toward the front of the plane where he was greeted by the pilot. He said hello & told him what had happened with his seat & the pilot said, "Oh, don't worry. I'll take care of it for you." The pilot went over to the lady, bent down & whispered something in her ear. Immediately, the woman gathered her things together & headed toward the back of the plane. Amazed, the man asked the pilot, "How on earth did you get her to get up so easily? What did you say?" The pilot replied, "All I told her was that 1st Class wasn't going to NYC!"
Submitted by Deed
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? (throwing head from side to side, shoulder to shoulder.....) "I don't know!!"
Submitted by deed
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