Kirby on LDS and the Blacks - 5/23/98

Kirby: If Skin Color's a Curse, Then Red Hair, Baldness and Big Noses Must Be Signs of Truly Great Sin

Looking at many members of the Utah Jazz, it's hard to say they are cursed for an Old Testament murder. They are talented, rich and big enough to mash your head. So whatever you do, don't say it to their faces.

The curse referred to here is the color of skin, which, by modern social definition, is black. Actually, depending on the light, it's usually more of a medium oak or a light walnut color. Whatever.

According to some interpretations the Old Testament (Genesis 4), after Cain murdered his brother, God allegedly slapped him with a distinguishing mark. Since this occurred long before cameras were allowed in the courtroom, the exact nature of this mark is a matter of some religious conjecture.

Unfortunately, conjecture is something human beings are not very good at. Which may explain how various religious people, including some Mormons, were able to arrive at the notion that said mark was a black skin. And that God uses color chits to sort his children.

Skin curses also show up in Mormon scripture. Those who behaved badly enough in the Book of Mormon were cursed with dark complexions. Not only them, but also their descendants for thousands of years. Heck, not even the Mafia holds this kind of a grudge.

Until 20 years ago, blacks were not allowed to hold the priesthood in the LDS Church. Various theories were circulated to explain this denial, including punishment for some unknown behavior in the pre-existence, as well as the more popular ``just because.''

Although a Mormon, I never agreed with this curse/priesthood business.

However, because the church had been right about stuff like drugs, greed, carnal thoughts and attempted murder, I tried to go along. Ultimately, there were just too many things I could not resolve.

For example, if skin color really is an indication of a person's standing with God, why stop at blacks and Lamanites? What about Asians? Aborigines? Barney? What crime could someone possibly have committed that would make God turn him purple?

Forget skin color. What about other physical brands? I mean what did redheads do that made God so mad that he cursed them with a head the color of a traffic flare? Could such a scarlet mark mean that they are the descendants of the original adulterer?

And what about bald guys? Like black skin, baldness is hereditary. I can't even stand to think of what someone might have done 2,000 years ago to bring down the mark of chrome on millions of men. But supposing it's true, is Rogaine an attempt to circumvent the judgment of the Lord?

Furthermore, if Cain is the original murderer, who was the original glutton? It seems important considering the number of fat people wandering around these days. Especially since so many of them here in Utah have the priesthood.

Big noses? There has to be a corollary between people with large beaks and some form of heinous sin. Likewise freckles, cowlicks, buck teeth, double chins, big ears, blue eyes, and possibly even bad breath.

Seriously, I suppose there could be physical marks that indicate a person has parted company with God. If you want to see the real mark of Cain today, take a peek in the mirror. It's probably that self-important expression on the face of the person looking back at you.

Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby lives in Springville. The self-described ``OxyMormon'' welcomes mail at P.O. Box 684, Springville, UT 84663, or e-mail at rkirby(AT)sltrib.com.