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Cowabunga, Dudes!...Surf's Up!
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If you're a "countersurfin' devil-dog" like me, you're constantly watching for signs that it's gonna be a prime surfin' day! If you haven't tried this wonderful sport, you really should. Read on for details!
Surfin' Safaris - My Favorites, and Some of YOURS
Join the Counter-Surfin' Devil-Dogs!
You Know You're a Counter-Surfer When...
Your middle name
is "OFF!"
Other dogs laugh
at you 'cause you've been wearing a neck brace ever since you
tried to reach that roasting pan that was in the sink.
Your role model
isn't Lassie, or Rin-Tin-Tin or Fluke -- it's the dog in the
"Beggin' Strips" commercial. You know the one...
"bacon...I smell bacon!....bacon! Bacon! BACON!"
So how do YOU know YOU'RE a counter-surfin' devil-dog? Please contribute to this list.
Signs of Great Surfin' Ahead
Every dedicated
counter-surfin' devil-dog knows there are subtle signs to watch
for that tell ya when it's gonna be a good time for surfin'. At
my house, these are just some of the dead giveaways:
Mom sits down at
the computer "just for a minute, to check mail!"
If Mom & Dad
go out for breakfast, & I haven't smelled coffee yet, I KNOW
they didn't remember to dog-proof the kitchen!
The smell of
turkey roasting! This is because if your humans are doin' a whole
big FEAST, they're gonna be way too busy to watch you every
minute. If you're unlucky enough to own humans with eyes in the
backs of their heads, be consoled by the fact that you'll
probably at least get some good tidbits.
What signs do you watch for at YOUR house? I can always learn new tricks!
WIPE-OUT!!!
Wipe-out!!! It's one
of the keys to countersurfin' success. Because often, you can
deflect suspicion away from yourself simply by cleaning up
thoroughly after you're done! Never leave muddy pawprints on the
countertop or table. Lick them off if you must, but by all means,
cover your tracks.
Surfin'
Safaris... My Fondest Memories
"Butter, Butter, Who's Got the Butter?"
One of my proudest
moments came several years ago, at Christmas time. All day long,
mom had been bakin' up a storm. Batch after batch of cookies went
in and out of the oven -- I was gettin' whiplash from watchin'
those trays goin' back and forth! But was there an odd, burnt
cookie for the old Snitch? NOPE! I tried to be good in spite of
it, cause I knew Santa Paws was comin' REAL soon. When mom went
into another room to wrap presents (anything for me? I
wondered...) I just lay there on the kitchen floor, starin' at
all those wonderful smellin' cookies. But still, I was good! But
then, a new scent crossed my nose... it seemed like the cookies,
but even better! Well, in spite of my best efforts, the rest of
my body just started followin' my nose all by itself, like
walkin' in a dream. Before you know it, I was paws up on the
counter, nose to nose with a
WHOLE STICK of SOFT BUTTER! Well, you guessed it! the Devil in me
came out an snatched that butter right off the counter and ran
like the dickens to my favorite quiet corner, for a nice long
lick'n'slurp session. Even the wrapper was tasty! Best part was
that mom didn't even know until a day or so later, But everythin'
"came out OK", as they say, just in time for Christmas!
"My
Saturday Morning Ri-Chew-All"
It might surprise our
humans, but us dogs live for the weekend as much as you
two-leggers do! We get to spend more time with the people we
love, and maybe get to go for a ride or enjoy another special
adventure. To make sure I'm not disappointed, I try each week to
indulge in my special Saturday countersurfing RICHEWALL!
It's not very complicated at all. When my humans go out for
breakfast, as they so often do on Saturdays, it's time to surf!
And if there are no waves, then I just make my own! While it's
always nice to find a loaf of bread, a tub of freeze-dried liver,
or a stick of butter, humans can sometimes be annoyingly careful
at dogproofing the kitchen. That's when it's time to FOOL 'EM!
You'd be surprised at how much oral gratification us dogs can be
found in a package of coffee filters, or a roll of paper towels,
or even a potholder or two (if you're lucky, they'll have food
vapors all over 'em!). And conducting this RICHEWALL guarantees
that you won't lack for attention when your humans get home! Try
it yourself and see the results!
YOUR "Surfin' Safaris"
"A
Toast (or anything else up there!) to Cerfy"
Three Dogs Pay
Tribute to a Departed Countersurfing Role Model
"Hi! We're Shonagh the golden girl, Newman the recycled Seeing Eye lab and Worley the Seein Eye golden pup. We have all tried counter surfin' but our Mom set us up with good tasting' food that had a piece of a habanero hot pepper stuffed inside. That was enough to cure each of us of counter surfin'. We keep hearing stories about Cerfy, the thievin' golden, that Shonagh lived with for a few years before she went to the Bridge. Cerfy was THE BEST! surfer around. She could even eat habanaro peppers and come back for more!
One night she stole Mom and Dad's steak while they were out picking tomatoes in the garden. Another night she stole the hamburgers that Mom had hidden behind the canisters while she went to the garden. Then there was the cake cooling on the back of the counter (Cerfy must have had springs in her legs to get that high up!) Not to mention all the bags of pretzels and chips she finished off when the hoomin toddlers left the room. Oooooooooooh, and the bag of Oreos she polished off at Aunt Carol's. And the butter from the butter dish and the turkey carcass out of the garbage bag and...........
But one of Mom's favorites was Cerfy climbing up and into the high chair with baby Gillian so she could clean Gillian's bib better and help clean up the food on the tray before Gillian ate it all." - SHONAGH, NEWMAN & WORLEY
"Tail
of a Surfer Girl"
We received this rather
impudent but worthy brag recently from a Golden Surfer Girl named
Josie!
"Hi! My name is Josie, I am a golden retriever, and I am almost 2 years old. So you surfed and ate a stick of butter? AMATEUR!!!!! That's normal around here. My most recent adventure was with a large grease jar that I clawed off the back of the counter. It had ancient chicken drippings, bacon grease, hamburger goo, and all sorts of rancid stuff (Mom uses a jar for a long time). She went to our Aunt's and didn't take me, so I helped myself. You should have seen the look on her face when she got home! But she didn't even get mad. She just said, 'You are going to be terribly ill soon, aren't you?' I wagged my tail, turned my head, and barfed all over the carpet. The really cool thing is that traces of smell remain, so I been lickin' the carpet. Someday I'll tell you about Gracie, my sister, and the pound of raisins she ate." - JOSIE
"The
Expawloits of Gracie"
Not to be outdone,
Josie's sister Gracie sent the following account of her
counter-surfing prowess:
"Woof, surfers everywhere! I am Gracie the golden, and I am a counter surfer. I will eat anything not nailed down and some that is. My favorite things are butter or margarine and leftovers, but I have snitched many things in my day. I ate a bag of Halloween candy and had to go to the vet. He filled me full of charcoal, which I don't think I needed, because the only thing making me sick was all those candy wrappers. I got rid of the charcoal and the wrappers in the back seat of Mom's car. Oh, and in several places around the house, too.
The rat poison that I ate was much the same story. Frankly, it wasn't .worth the effort, and I don't recommend it. Did you know that vitamin A pills cost a dollar apiece, and you have to eat several for a couple of weeks after you eat rat poison? They were good, but Mom mentioned that she had had other plans for the 300 bucks.
I also snatched a bag of raisins a few years ago. I ate a one pound bag that Mom had used a quarter cup from. I got them down in under 5 minutes, my personal best. Mom slept downstairs that night, something about being closer to the back door, but I don't know what she meant. I never got sick, but I had awful puppy poots. Everytime I put one of my back feet down, I, um, (You ripped a gigantic, echoing fart!--Mom) well, you know. It was humiliating. So never eat more than a half pound at a time.
I could tell other stories, but that's enough confessing for one day. Josie is my sister, and I've tried to teach her, but so far, she's not as creative and discriminating as I am." - GRACIE, age 6
Join the Counter-Surfin'
Devil-Dogs!
If you know you've got
what it takes, (or ate what you took!), or would like to
contribute your favorite tips, e-mail your name, breed, URL, if applicable, and
any favorite surfin' stories. I'll add your name on our Friends page, and your story just may
appear on this page!
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Text and photos on these pages copyright © 1997-1998, Cheryl P. Vetter. All rights reserved.
"Surfin' U.S.A."