My husband and
daughter were told we had a son but that he was sick. He was duly named
Ben James - the name that we had chosen as a family. He was not asked as
to whether or not to go ahead with the ligation - if he had been asked he would
have said to go ahead anyway.
When I came
around following the birth, I was told we had a son but that he was sick and
needed to be transported to the Children's Hospital for further tests and
specialised care. Ben was brought into me and I was able to hold him for a
few moments before he was transported to the Hospital. At that stage I had
hopes of him being okay - no-one had said otherwise. He looked okay to me
- although I did not check everything out on him. I was too scared - even
though he was my baby - I was still in the hospital and felt that he belonged to
them too!!!
My husband and
three other children went to visit Ben that evening as well as coming to see
me. They were all delighted with the new arrival. The next day Ben's
paediatrician came to visit me. He told me I had to expect my son to
die. He was very sick. They would do some tests but he could not promise
that he would live for long. My Dr. visited too and said that perhaps it
was for the best. He had a grandchild who was handicapped and it would be
far easier for us if Ben died!!! I was devastated. I did not want my
baby to die. I wanted to love him and show him the world.
My parents came
down from the country to visit Ben that day. My husband stayed with Ben
most of the day too. He had not been told to expect our son to die!!
I kept my hopes
up that Ben was not going to die and that we would face what ever was before
us. I had not seen Ben for a full 24 hours and decided that I would ask if
it was okay to go and visit him. The okay was given and we decided we
would go as a family after the children had arrived home from school, been fed
and were ready for bed. I also invited my best friend and her daughter to
come and join us. She was to meet us at the hospital.
When we left the
hospital we were told that Ben was still okay and so went expecting to see him
alive. We arrived about 10 minutes later only to be ushered into a room
near outpatients. Ben's Dr. came down and told us that he had died.
We were devastated to say the least. We were asked if we wanted to see
him. We came to see him alive not dead so our answer was 'No'.
A quick call to
my friend to alert her of Ben's death was made. She arranged to visit me
in hospital instead.
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