It was an average afternoon, but I was about to receive a telephone call that was far from typical. After four weeks of debilitating pain that was quickly spreading throughout my body, I had changed physicians and found one who was willing to run tests to discover what was causing the pain.
"The test came back positive. It's rheumatoid arthritis," she told me.
"Okay," I said, trying to grasp the impact this simple statement would have on my life. "On a scale of one to ten, ten being normal, what's the best I can ever hope to feel again?" I asked, wanting to know what lay ahead.
"If you're really lucky," she said sadly, "maybe a seven." Life was about to take an unexpected detour, throwing me on a journey I never would have imagined.
At the age of 24, I had a promising future. I was nearly finished with my bachelor's degree and working for a large non-profit organization, gaining experience that I hoped would help me in my career as a fund-raiser and special events planner. I was dating a man whom I adored and hoped to someday marry. Most of all, I felt that God had truly led me to the large city I was in, a thousand miles away from my home and family, to serve Him. Although His plans had not yet been revealed, I began to believe it would somehow be in the form of ministry, as I thoroughly enjoyed my part-time work as a youth director for a local church. Terms like chronic illness, auto-immune disease, and non-steroidal anti-inflammatories were not a part of my vocabulary.
One morning I awoke to a swollen wrist that was unable to bend without excruciating pain. I assumed that it was a simple sprain and I wrapped it and went on with my day. Although the pain subsided, it returned within a few days and was surprisingly in the other wrist as well. Within days the pain went to my left elbow, then the right elbow, the left shoulder, the right shoulder and then the hips, knees and feet. My supervisor at work was sympathetic and told me to do as little work as possible for the time being. My physician insisted that it was just tendinitis. Although I didn't have the symptoms of tendinitis, she refused to run any tests.
When I found myself unable to go to work one morning, because I could not rotate my wrist enough to open my bedroom door, I knew that something needed to be done. I called and made an appointment with a doctor of internal medicine. She intently listened to my symptoms, ordered tests and lab work, and called me in a matter of days with the results.
I began to read all I could get my hands on about this disabling disease and repeatedly found phrases that described rheumatoid arthritis as "a debilitating illness" and "a crippling disease." I asked, "Lord, what are you doing here? How am I supposed to do your work and live with this illness? I thought that you had great things in store for me, but instead it looks like you are going to waste the gifts that you have given to me." I called my pastor and friend, Harry, who I knew also lived with rheumatoid arthritis. What a joy to have a friend who could say, "God is in control," but who could also say, "I've been there. It's not much fun, but I'm here if you need me."
That was six years ago, and I have found that, of course, God knew what He was doing all along, as His plan has been revealed. Since my diagnosis I have finished my degree, gaining insight into what it's like to go to college with a disability. I married the man I was dating, and had tears in my eyes as he smiled at me and pledged "in sickness and in health." And rather than working for a non-profit organization, I have began my own.
Following diagnosis I volunteered for professional health organizations and was surrounded with people who said, "How do you keep such a positive attitude?" "What keeps you going?" I also witnessed many people who were hurting, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually, and I knew that they needed to hear about Christ's unconditional love. After searching for a book, an organization, or a support group that addressed chronic illness from a Christian perspective, and finding none, I felt God calling me to His purpose for my life, to begin a ministry for people who live with chronic illness or pain. In 1997, I began writing a newsletter, ...And He Will Give You Rest, and people quickly responded. In 1998, Rest Ministries, Inc. (www.restministries.org) became a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization and began to reach out not only to individuals, but churches, providing tools, education and resources, so that they can more effectively meet the needs of the chronically ill in their church and community.
Every day is painful. Despite various medications, accompanied by a multitude of side effects, I have never experienced remission or even slight relief. My body seems to have aged 50 years in the last six. Each day is a challenge. Yet, I do not complain of this, for I have found joy beyond anything I could have ever discovered without my illness. I have learned an appreciation for life, an intensified joy of family and loved ones, a compassion for those who are hurting, and the ability to offer sincere understanding to those who feel devastated. Each day I am reminded that it is only through God's strength that I am able to pull myself up out of bed, get to my computer and reach out to others, encouraging them to keep reaching out Jesus Christ. By answering a simple email, sorting a bulk mail, or writing the newsletter, I have found a peace in my pain that passes my understanding knowing that I am making a difference in someone's life whom feels alone and isolated in his or her physical pain. One in three people in the United States live with a chronic condition, so if it is not you, it's someone you care about. This is how God works: through each of us reaching out to others, despite our circumstances.
The doctors say that soon they will begin to remove some of the bones in my feet so that I can continue to walk. New medications give some hope, but the damage that has been done will never be able to heal. Despite the challenges, I cannot imagine not continuing to give everything I have to this ministry God has given me. There are too many people hurting who are looking for healing in New Age remedies, such as hypnosis, "psychological cleansings," and places other than the healing that can be found in Jesus Christ. Healing comes in many forms and whether one is physically healed or not, one can find joy, peace and grace in our Lord and nothing can replace this.
The last six years, 2 Corinthians 1:4 has come alive for me. "He comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort that we have received from God." In just a short time, many are stepping forward and beginning chronic illness support groups with our guidance and materials. I hope that as I continue this journey of living with a chronic illness I will be able to reach out to others and, through Jesus' love, help them become wounded healers, able to minister within their pain, to others who are hurting and bruised by life's detours. Each of us has our "thorn," but it is up to us what we decide to do with it to bring God the glory.
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Author's Contact Information:
Lisa Copen, Director and Founder
Rest Ministries, Inc. (www.restministries.org)
Serving people who live with chronic illness or pain.
PO Box 502928, San Diego, CA 92150
Toll-Free 888-751-REST (7378)
Editors Note:
Rest Ministries is a non-profit 501(c)(3)organization.
Your on-going prayer and financial support of Rest Ministries is greatly appreciated.