January 1999

I am begining to relax when I feed Amber. I am now able to trust that she isn't going to be sick like Matthew was, even though I have known all along that, being female, she is very unlikely to be affected by Pyloric Stenosis. I can't remember much about how Matthew was at this age, and I can't compare how Amber is doing because Matthew's behaviour was obviouly affected by his illness. In some ways I think I found it easier to care for a sick baby, as it gave us something to work with.... and we were so relieved that he was still alive it was easier to cope when he was crying for no apparent reason. Amber crys quite a lot, especially in the evening, but she also made a happy noise for the first time, and every moment of happiness makes the hard time worth it.

I am really enjoying the breastfeeding this time. It is nice not to have to think about when she will need feeding - and not having to make sure I have enough milk with me because I know I have! I was so happy, after the problems with feeding Matthew, to realise that when Amber went for a long time without feeding I was overflowing with milk. I am finding that using washable breast pads is more comfortable too.

We made a trip to the natural history museum, with Amber in her pouch. The museum was very baby-friendly, and you could even borrow a baby carrier if you don't have one. I love carrying my babies like this, it is comfortable and the close contact seems to soothe the baby. This was the first time I had put Amber in her pouch and she looks so tiny in it! She was very good.

I have started going to a toddler group with Matthew and Amber, Amber seems to really enjoy the change of scene as she tends to be very settled there. I think she also likes all the attention from the other mums and older children... the younger ones can be a little worrying though, they are fascinated but don't realise that she is "real". However I am more layed back with Amber than I would have been with Matthew, since she is used to "playing" with Matthew at home. Amber is most definitely a "baby" now, and no longer a "newborn".

Amber showed that she recognised me for the first time, she was crying in her cot, because she had just woken up, but she stopped as soon as I lent over before I had even touched her... it made my heart melt! She is much more clingy than I remember Matthew being, and will cry when I leave her sight. She no longer likes to be swaddled either so she has to be asleep before she goes into her cot now. She coped really well with being left with her Nana and Grandad for the day though. Amber is much younger than Matthew was when I first left him, I wouldn't have dreamed of leaving him so soon. I was able to express 7oz of milk to leave for Amber, she managed the bottle fine, taking 4.5oz feeds. (She needed two feeds so had to have a little formula top-up.)

Unfortunately going away has cause a few problems for my breastfeeding...I'm not sure if it was messing up the routine with expressing milk, or just that I was really tired after going away (or even just co-incidence) but my milk seems to be less abundant, Amber is unsettled and her nappies have been green. To get through this I just put Amber to the breast often, but tried to allow at least an hour between feeds to allow my body to recover! It took about two days of hard work, but then she settled down again.... by the end of the month she seems to be becoming really happy, she is starting to really "play". She is managing to make use of the baby gym, and it is lovely to see her concentrating as she tries to get her hands to do what she wants! She is gurgling when she manages to hit the rattles, in fact her happy noises are generally becoming much frequent.