Vivian Bobo Wykes was the wife of Lessie Lee Wykes. She was the mother of Murray Lee Wykes and Lessie Roy Wykes. Here begins one of her diaries.....
August, 1906
"There are chambers in the human heart where we festoon our treasures rare...
where memories sweet and thoughts so dear
are hidden from the world's rude stare
And no one knows the wealth we own.
All stored away and safely hid
Nor how we feast in them alone
And no one to our banquet bid
And there are graves within the heart
A 'silent city of the dead'
And sometimes in the silent night
Among their graves alone we tread.
Alone, for sacred is the spot
And little would the cold world care
That here are buried hopes and joys
And here we knelt in much despair.
And in the heart are newborn hopes
That fill our lives with glad, sweet dreams.
And life is ever more to us
Than to the outside world it seems.
How empty life would be without
The treasures we have stored away."
(Editorial note: This is an example of the poetry Vivian often quotes in her diaries. All poetry, or excerpts of other writing which she has indicated as such will be identified by quotation marks.)
(Editorial note: At this point in her diary, Vivian has cut out 34 pages. It appears that she was 60 years old when she did the editing.)
April 15, 1945: I have just cut out entries that were made in this book from August 6, 1906 until August 6, 1908. As I read it, I realized that I had done too much "thinking aloud", things of interest to no one except myself, so now, I am going to copy facts, and leave out the "thinking", some of which seems very silly to me now, after these thirty nine years.
(Editorial note: It appears that, having cut out the pages, Vivian will now proceed to rewrite the history... editing it as she sees fit. After writing out all of these pages.... I will also include verbatim twelve of these pages which she then tucked away inside the diary.)
August 6,
1906: I am beginning on this book today, having already filled the first
one. Belle has spent a few days with me, which were very happy, for each
of us. She is to be married soon, and go far away, so it is not probable
there will be any other days like these for us.
August 11, 1906: Today, I am remembering a ride we took two years ago (1904) when at a sudden turn in the road the wagon seat on which three of us were sitting, turned over, leaving us tightly wedged and unable to move or help ourselves. It was funny, but embarrassing too, to Velma and me, for a young fellow, a singing school teacher, was the third party. When Julian looked around and saw our plight, he stopped the team and helped us to right ourselves.
August 12, 1906: I've spent today with cousin Gusta, but somehow my heart has been with Belle. It is a year tonight since I first saw her and we had no way of knowing what close friends we were to become. I am thinking back too, to a day two years ago, when our singing school closed and as our final number we sang, "Goodbye to you all". Some, very near and dear, have waved "goodbye" as they neared Eternity's shore, since then.
August 16, 1906: Lessie and Eula are to come tomorrow and my heart is all aflutter, after not having seen them for almost two years.
August 19, 1906: They did come and have gone again. Eula is the same dear girl as always. He seems more mature, and quieter than when I saw him last. HIs voice stirred my heart again but I kept my voice steady, and hands from trembling as I greeted him. I love him but he will never know it, until he tells me that he loves me... and I don't know if he does or not. We went down to see Belle and the rest of the family. We went to town and drove about, all the while keeping to casual subjects. They spent last night with the Hoovers. I am jealous of every minute someone else has them, but they are old friends of the family, so I'll have to "take it and like it."
August 21,
1906: I seem to be looking backwards a lot these days. Two years ago today,
Lessie and I had a date, and I was strangely happy to be with him. But if
anyone had said, "You love him." I would have denied it, not knowing
my own heart. But I do know now. And though "I have not turned away
my eyes from green of earth nor blue of skies and still I hear as once I
heard, the splash of stream, the song of bird, the way seems smoother before
my feet. And still I dream life fair and sweet. Yet in the dark, these tears
will flow. I want you so. I want you so."
August 24, 1906:
St. Eron has just
come back from a visit with Lessie and he brought me a letter from him.
It has rained all week. I've felt badly so it has been a dreary week.
August 26, 1906: Yesterday I met Belle's "A.E." of whom I've been hearing such a long time. He and Belle brought me home and I treated them so unmercifully that they should have set me out to walk the ten miles home. John is very ill, and they may have to rearrange their marriage plans. Velma is married and she and her husband Alonzo Spence spent the afternoon with us. It was good to be with her again. The last time waas when my soul and body were bowed in grief for the loss of my mother. We went to church together tonight and there we parted to meet.... when? Ever? We recalled a night just two years ago that I had spent with her, and how we grew so fearful when someone pushed a hole in the window. It was a nightmare! We crept into her mother's room and slept (?) the remainder of the night.
August 28, 1906:
Papa and the children left yesterday for a visit to Cousin Dinah, so it
is awfully quiet around here... John is still very ill... thinking back
again two years ago was the close of the Mulkey meetings at Florence. When
he closed the service, he was gone without a word of farewell to the very
large congregation gathered to hear him.
August 30, 1906: I received my first "wedding" present today!
September 1, 1906: Tonight, Belle and I said goodbye, for tomorrow is her wedding day, and then she goes so very far away. I have no way to go see her married. She is so dear and I shall miss her more than she can ever know. St. Eron and I plan to go tomorrow, to Cousin Dinah's, and I am glad I shall be away for a few days instead of here where we have been together.
"Farewells! They are so hard to say. No poem tells the agony of hearts that dwell in lone and last farewells."
September 2, 1906: St. Eron and I arrived early at Cousin Dinah's - about 9 AM. He has already gone back home. Carl came this afternoon, but Lessie didn't come. Maybe he has gone to Briggs! By this time Belle is married and many miles away on her journey home.
September 3, 1906: Myrtle spent the afternoon with us. It is raining hard tonight.
September 4, 1906: Every time I woke last night it was raining and the earth is all washed fresh and clean. Lessie came to see me for a little while this afternoon.
September 5, 1906:
Went to Myrtle's this morning, and over to see Lessie's sister Leila this
afternoon. She is the same sweet person, but much paler and thinner than
when I saw her last. She has a darling baby boy, born March 6, 1906. I tried
to talk to Eula at Lampasas,but didn't have any luck... Lina has mumps!
September 7, 1906: I spent today at Myrtle's. She told me about the dear baby that smothered while he was asleep. Tomorrow we are to go to Eula's and then home on Sunday.
September 10, 1906: We arrived home last night at eleven o'clock. It has been a pleasant week. The Wykes are a lovely family and Eula is as sweet as she is pretty. We went to church yesterday, where I met some people I had already known, and some new ones. Lessie and Eula came as far as Oakalla with us as we came home. When Lessie said goodbye, his heart was in his eyes and I think the wish that Belle made when she put his ring on my finger is going to come true.
September 11, 1906: Cousin Gusta and Mr. French are married.
September 13, 1906: Lon Woodward came twice last Sunday and failing to find me at home, he came again tonight and took me to an ice cream supper. He is very nice and I think we would be good friends if we knew each other better.
September 16, 1906: Carl was to come today but he didn't make it. I don't know why .
September 18, 1906: A year ago I did not think so much happiness could come to me. I have just had a letter from Lessie and he wants to take up where we left off long ago. And in that long ago, he said he "hoped some day to be at our wedding."
I wish my mother knew of my new happiness. But perhaps she does. And Bell - how happy she will be for me.
September 25, 1906: We went to the river today for a load of sand. Did not see any of the Herringtons. It was a long rough drive. Thinking back again, it was two years ago that Lessie brought a lovely ring of his mother's for me to see. And, too, that was the night he brought me a puzzle he had made for me. I wrote the date on it. I have it still and hope to keep it always.
September 26, 1906: My heart is singing today. Now, Lessie has told me that he loves me, and some day we will be saying, "Until death do us part."
September 30, 1906: Mrs. Adams' son Morris died yesterday, of a sudden illness.
We went to the carnival but it wasn't much. I had my first ride on a ferris wheel.
October 1, 1906: Though it is a month since Belle went away, I have not had one word from her. I have so much to tell her. I wish I had even one hour.
It is two years tonight since St. Eron and I went to Eula's, my first time at her house.
October 5, 1906: Today the sad news came of the death of two schoolmates, Lou Wilson and Annie Forehand.
October 7, 1906: Mrs. Kimsey came to see me this afternoon. This is the last day that I can say, "I am twenty years old."
October 11, 1906: I went to Mrs. Herrington's this afternoon, and, again, I missed seeing the girls. This has been a day of sunshine and clouds alternating. There was a beautiful sunset at the close of day ... I recalled that day and year ago when Clayton, bless her heart, was determined that I should have a chicken dinner on my birthday, if she had to fix it herself. Today is my 21st birthday.
October 12, 1906: Addie and I went to town today to look for hats. I feel terrible tonight!
October 15, 1906: This is my first day to be up since Friday. On Saturday, Addie and Alma came to see me --- St. Eron did not get over to Lessie's as he had planned, but went to a show at Temple where I would have gone, had I not been ill.
October 16, 1906: Another letter today from my beloved says he wants us to be married some time next year. I am not sure I should leave my family so soon, for they need me so.
"Our home!" They were such lovely, lovely words! And what a happy place it will be.
October 21, 1906: At this very hour last year, I was returning from Mrs. Herrington's where I had gone to sign my school contract. I had no way of knowing the warmth and friendliness and love I was to find under that roof.
Sallie Hoover and Luther Chanslor were married today. I hope she will be as happy as such a sweet person deserves to be.
October 28, 1906: We spent the afternoon at Mrs. Garner's. She is wondering if my new grey dress is part of my trousseau! At night we went to a singing at her house. When I came home, St. Eron had returned from Lessie's and he had a letter for me.
November 2, 1906: We washed and ironed today and I am too tired for words tonight.
November 4, 1906: We went to church twice today, but at evening our minister was unable to deliver his sermon.
Novermber 12, 1906: I spent Saturday night and yesterday, at Mrs. Herrington's. Tuck is to be married soon, and will go to Miss. to make her home . . . I still have had no word from Belle. I am puzzled and almost hurt and yet I cannot read that last little message she wrote to me, and not know that she loves me very dearly. But if I never have another letter from her, I shall always love her.
November 13, 1906: A letter from Lessie says that he and Eula plan to come Saturday. When I told St. Eron of our engagement, he said my leaving would mean the breaking up of this home. I am not that important!
(Editorial note: later in the book there are domino scores. This one was dated November 17, 1906: According to the score card, the game was between Eula and Vivian. Eula won, 270 to 208) Beaten for the first time tonight. The saddest thing in the world except a great victory is a great defeat. Cheer up poor children, this is not the first time you were beaten and will not be the last.
November 18, 1906: Our dear guests came as they had planned. Lessie, Eula and I went to town, afternoon, where we called on Ethel and Ina Hoover (?). St. Eron brought Eula home and on the way, Lessie gave me a lovely little ring - my very own "engagement ring."
They have gone home now and St. Eron and I drove part way with them. Lessie and I had long earnest talks planning our future together. When we parted he expected me to kiss him and I didn't. I wonder if I was wrong to refuse. I love him so!
November 25, 1906:I have been quite ill since Tuesday, but I am better now. It has rained all week, and we did not go out today. Last Sunday our guests were here and it was lovely and bright even though the sun was not shining.
November 28, 1906: We have been to Mrs. Herrington's today. Tuck was married Sunday and leaves tomorrow for her Miss. home. We played "pig" panic, flinch, etc. and altogether had a very pleasant time.
November 29, 1906: I have celebrated Thanksgiving by washing and ironing and, as usual, am too tired. Could write only a short letter to Lessie.
December 1, 1906: Today there was a letter from Belle, after these three months. Now, at last, I can tell her of the great happiness that has come to me.
December 15, 1906: Lessie writes that he plans to come tomorrow but it is raining so hard I know he cannot come.
December 21, 1906: He called me from Lampasas to say he would be down on the midnight train, so now he should be here in a little while.
December 23, 1906: He did come, at last, but the train was very late. Of course, I waited up for him! Yesterday we spent hours planning our future together. This morning we went to church, and now he has left for home. This time he kissed me, and it was so infinitely tender and sweet, as though I were something fragile and holy.
December 25, 1906: Last night we went to a Christmas tree. Today we have had guests and the day has been very pleasant, far different from last year when my mother was so very ill. This is the last night I shall ever spend in this house, with so many sad and so many happy memories.
December 26, 1906: St. Eron arrived at home this morning at five o'clock and has been "dead on his feet" all day. I stayed at the other house until the last load, and then I came home to "the little brown house." It doesn't look like home now, but it will in time.
December 27, 1906: We went back tonight for the few things we had not already moved. There was another letter from Belle
December 30, 1906: This has been a long lonely Sunday. St. Eron went to Nolanville, so I did not go anywhere all day. It was a year ago today that I saw the last bit of gaiety that I was ever to see in my mother's face.
December 31, 1906: "Goodbye old year: I can but say sadly I see you passing away. Pasing away with the hopes and fears, the bliss and the pains, the smiles and the tears, that come to us all in all the years."
There is always sadness in seeing the old year pass. And now the question comes to me, "What does the new year hold for me?"
Together, Lessie and I can say, "We bless you, year, for your priceless gift. But the love which came to complete our life goes onward and upward through pain and strife. The highest hopes of the better part we seek, together, thus, heart to heart. We therefore bless you but bid you go."
January 1, 1907: "Thou to whom my glad heart turns, unburdened now, by toil and stress. The light that in my spirit burns, let me not waste in selfishness. Teach me to strive a noble strife. And let me live an earnest life. Some truth reveal, some wrong redress. Oh keep me true tho that high dream that smote my upward looking face. Let me not sink my life's fresh stream in dull cold sands of commonplace. So shall the evening air be bright. So shall the selfsame glory light my autumn as my morning skies."
I had a letter from Lessie today. Went to prayer meeting tonight. For no reason at all, except, maybe, that I am tired, I am "blue."
January 6, 1907: Mrs. Adams and Ola came yesterday afternoon and we spent this afternoon with Lillie. It is a year tonight since my mother passed away and I think I miss her more now than I did at first - "When she left us to come back no more."
January 9, 1907: Today, I finished reading "Faith Gartney's Girlhood." I would like to be like her, sweet and loving and unselfish.
January 15, 1907: This is the twenty fifth anniversary of my father's and mother's marriage. Now, for more than a year he has gone his lonely way, so bravely. Shall I ever forget the hour of my mother's passing, when he took me in his arms and said, "Don't cry so, dear child. She is resting now from all her suffering." This, while his own heart was breaking.
January 18, 1907: Carl came, Wednesday, and left this morning. I am thinking again of this day two years ago, and of how happy a certain letter made me. I think I was even happier than I am now. For the shadow of the "blues" still hangs over me. We began family prayer again tonight - something I was "brought up on." and which has been neglected for some time.
January 20, 1907: Lessie and eula have been with us the last two days, and we were all so happy together that the blues are gone and I wish I knew I wouldn't have them anymore ever.
January 24, 1907: Cousin Annie and Udell spent today with us.
January 25, 1907: Had a letter from Lessie today. I was out in the cold too long and have a cold as the result.
February 3, 1907: Lillie spent last night and today with us. Today we went to church. She to hers and I to mine. St. Eron was licensed to preach today. I hope his life may be a power for good.
February 7, 1907: Today is Velma's birthday and she is nineteen. Two years ago we thought nothing could separate us, and now we seem so far apart. Does marriage have to end girlhood friendships I wonder. A year ago, the two days past, the five of us were together... Belle, Queen, Tuck, Velma and I and "one little year" has scattered us to the four winds.
I had a letter from Lessie today and he says, "Under the circumstances, I do not feel that I should insist upon your leaving your family, for me, as you say you could not be happy unless all were right at home." I don't know what to do! If I should leave my family and anything should happen, I could never forgive myself. Clayton is so little and young - and there are the other two little ones - and my poor brave father who would not stand for one moment in the way of my happiness. But if we should postpone our marriage, and anything happen to Lessie my heart would break.
February 18, 1907: "My plans were made. I thought my path all bright and clear. My heart with songs o'erflowed. The world seemed full of cheer. My Lord I wished to serve, to take Him for my guide. To keep as close that I could feel Him by my side. And so I traveled on. But suddenly in skies so clear and full of light, the clouds came thick and fast. The day seemed changed to night. Rough things and thorns and stones seemed all about my feet. I scarce could travel on. I bowed my head and wondered why this change should come. And murmured, 'Lord is this because of ought I have done'. Has not the past been full enough of pain and care? Why should my path again be changed to dark from fair"
"But still I traveled on - I listened - quiet and still, there came a voice - 'This path is mine - not thine: I made the choice. Dear child, this service will be best for you and me, ifthou wilt simply trust, and leave the end with me.' And so, we travel on."
Even so has my path been changed, which we had thought was settled for the future.
(Editorial note: Now there are several blank pages. The following entry has no date... then there are dates with the year 1907)
Yesterday, my beloved came - surprised me at church with his coming, and, after talking over existing circumstances we decided to postpone our marriage. It may be best. It may not. Only God knows. But at least I shall feel that I have not left my father and the children with no concern for their welfare. My father had given gracious consent to our plans for marriage, so when I told him of our changed plans he seemed almost disappointed, so at first I was hurt. But now that I recall how often, lately, he has complained of physical weariness, I understand he fears that he may die and he was glad that my future was provided for. It was so hard to lose our mother, and I pray that we may not again be left alone - - - Lessie went home this morning, and I would that I could have looked into his heart for a moment and read what was written there.
"Lord, with a very tired mind I seek thy face. Thy shadowing wing alone can be my resting place. Oh, let thy everlasting armor, around me thrown, my secret sanctuary be, from the unknown. Lord, dwell thou within my heart, and fill its emptiness. Set thou its hopes above the reach of earthliness."
February 22, 1907: "One voice of welcome hushed, and evermore, one word of farewell spoken on the shore where parting comes not. One soul landed moves one more in heaven." Again, it was a mother who was laid today, in her narrow bed. My heart goes out to the family in sympathy of that other day when my own beloved mother was carried into her grave. Last Sunday, Lessie and I visited together that spot where a little more than a year ago, I had stood and faced the future with so much sorrow in my heart.
December 31, 1907: After an absence of many months, I come again to this silent little friend who listens to my "heart throbs" and never tells! Another year is fast drawing to its close and will soon join all the years that have gone before. It leaves many sweet memories to cherish. I do not look back without some regret, for, as with all human beings, there have been errors of omission and commission, but I feel forgiven of them all and I am nearer to God than ever before. He has saved my beloved from the evil one, and has strengthened the ties between us, with cords of Christian love. And, if there had been no other happy memories, I would consider these things not far short of the fullness of joy.
(Editorial note: it appears that at this point, Vivian ran out of steam as far as editing goes. She has tucked in 12 of the pages originally cut out...and datewise, they seem to fall into place here. It is a bit confusing; this appears to be because some of it had been recopied, and some omitted. So, you will read some parts that are repetitious. The content of these twelve pages follows:)
More sunshine comes to me than really belongs to one life. This is the year in which I was to have been his bride but since I am not yet his wife, I trust that we have let God lead us. Perhaps we shall both be better fitted for the responsibilities of the new life for this year of waiting and ere another year is gone, if God wills, it shall find us united "until death us shall part." It is possible that this new year, instead of witnessing the consummation of our happiness, may view a saddened life and a heart crushed and aching with sorrow. God only knows - all that we can do is make the most of our blessings as they come and trust Him for the rest.
I would not look into the future if I could lest I should lack the courage to tread the path that lies before me. But I trust that the future shall be brighter because we shall be as one. With sadness I bid goodbye the old year which I so lately welcomed as the new.
January 1, 1908:
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(Editorial note: These dotted lines will indicate the lines missing .... that cannot be read because of the pages being cut from the book.)
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visit - have spent today with Cousin Gusta.
March 1(?): Heavenly Father be thou merciful to us tonight. Oh, that I should have lines (?) to see such sorrow as this come upon us. How little our mother dreamed in his sweet babyhood that he could ever fall so low as he is tonight.
December 31, 1908: After an absence of many months I come back to this silent little friend who can keep a secret so well. Another year is drawing near to close, to join eternity. As with other years, there are dear, sweet memories to brighten the coming year, should I be spared to live so long. I do not view the past without regret for time and time again have I had cause for repentance but I trust that the wrong I have done and the good I have left undone have been forgiven, and in the future I shall strive to live nearer the Christ who has saved me. He has taken me into a more sacred nearness with himself than I have been for years. He has saved my sweetheart from the evil one. He has strengthened the ties between us with cords of Christian love - and if there had been nothing else to brighten my life, I should consider these things not far short of the fullness of joy. There have been so many sweet summer days, always to be
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God how I thank Thee that Thou hast brought light and joy and happiness into my heart once more.
After a long period of waiting, I received another letter from Belle, and she sends two little verses for these pages, where she says she claims a corner. One is for ourselves, the other she says is for "our boys."
February 24, 1908:
It rained today so I could not got to church but I have been tonight.
March 3, 1908: I was our intention to visit Eula and Cousin Dinah today, but circumstances over which we had no control prevented our doing so. This has been a lovely day and I
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in skies so clear and full of light. The clouds came thick and fast, the day seemed changed to night. Rough things and thorns and stones seemed all about my feet. Scarce could I travel on. I bowed my head and wondered why this change should come, and murmured "Lord is this because of aught I've done? Has not the past been full enough of pain and care."Why should my faith again be changed to dark from fear." But still I traveled on. I listened, quiet and still there came a voice: "This path is mine, not thine; I made the choice. Dear child, this service will be best for you and me. If thou wilt simply trust and leave the end with me."
And so we travel on." Even so has my faith been changed, which I thought now settled for the future. Yesterday he came, surprised me at church with his coming and after talking over the existing circumstances we decided to postpone our marriage. It may be best. It may not. God knows. but I shall feel that I have not left the ones at home with quite so little regard for their welfare. We asked Papa yesterday and he gave his consent though I know he does not like to think of giving me up - and yet when I told him this morning of our changed plans he seemed almost unwilling so thatat first I was hurt, but now that I remember how much he has complained lately of physical weakness, I understand. He is afraid that he may die and he was glad to
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was provided for. Oh, God grant that we may not again be left alone. It was so hard to give up our mother and now wilt thou take him away. Lessie left us this morning and I would that I could have looked into his soul for a moment and read what was written there.
Lord with a very tired mind I seek thy face. Thy shadowing wing alone can be my resting place. Oh let Thy everlasting arms aaround be thrown my secret sanctuary be from ills unknown. Lord dwell Thou within my heart and fill its emptiness. Set there its hopes above the reach of earthliness.
February 22, 1908: "One less at home! One voice of welcome hushed and evermore. One word of farewell spoken on the shore where parting comes not, one soul landed more - One more in heaven!"
Again it was a mother who was laid today in her lovely home. My heart goes out to them in sympathy for the memory has not faded of that other day when I stood by my own loved mother's grave. Last Sunday we visited together that sacred place where a little more than a year ago I had stood and faced the future which seemed to have
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opened with heartache and forebodings which I cannot explain. So has this one dawned. Why am I so sad when God has given me countless blessings to make me happy - father, sister, brothers, friends and him who is to be more than all the world to me. And yet I am unhappy. I pray that this new year shall be spent in a way that fewer regrets shall be mine, should I be spared to look back at its close.
"Father I scarcely dare to pray, so clear I see now it is done,that I have wasted half my day and left my work but just begun in the outskirts of Thy kingdom vast.
Father the humblest spot give me. Set me the lowliest task Thou hast. Let me repentant work for Thee."
January 14, 1908: News came today that Carl is to be married next Sunday. His life has not been so happy as some, in that, for years, he has been denied a father's and mother's love and I trust that these are for him the beginning of brighter days.
January 26, 1908: A letter came from Belle today after waiting many months. She tells of a "blessed baby boy" who has come to brighten her home, already so happy because love is there. May God bless this little life and grand the child may grow to maturer years
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pure and true as his mother's own.
Lessie has just been here and has gone again. Twenty four hours seems so very short in comparison with the month that will pass ere we meet again.
January 28, 1908: I spent yesterday and today with Mrs. Herrington, for the first time in many months. Ireen had just returned from Miss. where she spent the greater part of last year. I find the same dear old girl, it may be, a little quieter than of old.
February 16, 1908: Today I met our new pastor's daughter, a pleasant girl, seemingly about my own age. We have had good services today, and I think I shall like our pastor very much.
February 23, 1908: Lessie has been here today but left this afternoon. We had a better opportunity for being together than usual and I have enjoyed his visit so much. I only pray that he may be loving and tender with his wife as he is to his sweetheart. Oh God wilt thou guide us and bring us in thine own good time to the day when we shall not be parted again so long as life shall last.
I shall long remember the sermon that I heart tonight urging that we should live "the higher life". "For I am come that he might have life and that ye might have it more abundantly."
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the minister spoke and my own soul is filled with a longing to do mor for my Master. Oh, God, wilt thou give me more of thy love in my heart that whatever I do my life shall be spent in thy service. May he be blessed, too, with whom this life is to be shared, that in all things even before each other shall come our God.
March 15, 1908: Cousin Gusta spent today with us, the first time since she was married. She is a sweet, lovable woman and seems to be much interested in my future. I went Friday to visit Miss Slope but failed to find her at home. It seems that we shall never have an opportunity to become well acquainted.
March 23, 1908: This has been a dark, rainy day but there has been pleasure mingled with its sadness. I sent my sweetheart away sad hearted because of a confession I made but this doubt and fear that he did not love me as he once did have been weighing on my heart too long and I could not bear it longer alone. Somehow I am happier now that this double burden has been lifted.
April 1, 1908: We moved into our new home yesterday. I regretted to leave the other place because of its associations, yet this is a more desirable one, and in time I think I shall come to like it just as well. Today
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I well remember two years ago today and the sad memories that it brought but that is past in this brighter present.
Papa is sick, and I am uneasy about him.
April 9, 1908: Miss Dora and Sallie came to see me today. I have been thinking all kinds of things about Sallie for not coming for so long.
April 19, 1908: A letter came from St. Eron this morning insisting that I shall spend a week in Waco, later. How much I would love to go, but I feel that there is no such good fortune in store for me.
April 26, 1908: Today the Oddfellows and Rebekahs celebrated the anniversary of the former's organization. We have had a pleasant time, and one that we shall long remember.
May 25, 1908: I believe I am the most unhappy girl there is. Saturday, my sweetheart came. At first I was all right, but soon one of my unreasoning moods came on. I suggested postponing our wedding day and the reply he made led me to believe that he really does wish it to be so. Now, while I would prefer being married in the spring, yet I did not want him to be glad to be rid of me longer, and I went on from one foolish venture to another until I finally provoked him by my childishness. He left this afternoon
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entirely estranged. Oh, why can't I be sensible and leave off these doubing childish moods which make us both so unhappy. I could almost hate myself tonight.
June 10, 1908: Alma and Addie have been here today. I was so glad to see them, it is the first time for so long. We have been fishing this afternoon. Georgia, Clotilde, and I. We tood a crowd of smaller girls along to play. I like both the girls very much, though we have not been together very much.
June 11, 1908: Miss Dora has been here this afternoon. I am learning to love her, and I know that I could win her over if only I had the opportunity to be with her more: but I will be here only a few months longer, and then she will never know how much I've "cared."
June 20, 1908: Since last Sunday I had been with Addie. I have spent such a pleasant time and tomorrow, I shall go home. This is probably the last time I shall ever get to come to this place where I have spent this pleasant week.
June 28, 1908: I am happier now than I have been in a long, long time. Lessie and Julia came yesterday, and in the afternoon, we went to Cousin Gusta's where we remained until after supper. We went to church this morning
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between us is removed, and I am a much happier girl than I was when he went away before.
July 26, 1908: Why is this world so full of trouble and unrest. I have just come from the B.Y.P.U. and am waiting for Lessie to come; several of us are going to Nolanville tonight where a camp meeting will close. I am looking for Lessie at any moment.
July 28, 1908: Lessie came after the others had gone but we followed them. He, St. Eron and I and overtook them at supper a mile or two from our destination. St. Eron and Clotilde had a quarrel and he made me unhappy by his very unbrotherly conduct.
I hope I shall never forget the meeting that night for the Spirit of God was there. Georgia came back with us, and we enjoyed our ride home, but for the fact that we were so very tired.
Last night our R. lodge (Editorial note: Rebekah Lodge) went to Copperas Cove to install the members of their lodge for another term. We had a pleasant trip and were hospitably entertained but the most pleasant of all was the homecoming when my sweetheart met me at the train. He is such a dear boy and yet, oh God, will I be able to bear the tests that married life shall bring? Is my love
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that every day life must bring! I cannot bear that marriage should end the romance in our lives.
Lessie has just gone home and on this evening train St. Eron and I shall go for a few days to visit his family. I hope this doubt and distress may be ended during this visit.
August 2, 1908: We arrived at our destination Tuesday evening after an endless amount of trouble to secure conveyance from the depot. We received a hearty welcome and have had a pleasant visit. Wednesday we rested. Thursday we carried dinner to .............. and spent the day, fishing, wading, bathing, etc. We prepared to go to church ............... that night, but a threatening cloud prevented us from carrying out our plans. We remained at home and passed the time until bedtime singing and talking. Lessie and one of the girls sang one song which made me think of the future. "Sweetheart, I love you just the same." Will he be able to say so much to me in later years. Oh, this awful doubt and fear.
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(Editorial note: Now there are a number of blank pages. It appears that she began to write from the other end of the notebook.... just a few notes here and there, interspersed with score tallies from some kind of game.)
November 6, 1906.... game between Miss Eula and Vivian. Vivian won with an ending score of 204 to 281
August 17, 1906:( a note from Lessie:) May this time be long remembered.
Remember today, too, Nov.17, "06"
February 17, 1907:May the future bring untold joy to us both. Lessie
Vivian's note: Life would be naught should we sever.
"Afar in the paths of endeavor the temples of happiness gleam. They stand as a promise that heaven is more than a dream."
December 20, 1908:
our wedding day
January 20, 1908: Ephraim came
February 20, 1908: St. Eron's first visit
March 20, 1908: Lessie's mothers first meal with us
April 20, 1908: Storm at Killeen
May 20, 1908: Eula was here " a tempest in a teapot". I do not mean that she was a storm.
June 20, 1908: Spent the day with Cousin Dinah.
July 20, 1908: Was frightened about Lessie. Went to cream supper.
August 20, 1908: Storm
September 20, 1908: candy making. Eula's engagement to her future husband.
October 20, 1908: My last visit to Lela's before baby's coming.
November 20, 1908: Lessie's mother came down late Saturday evening to see about me!
December 20, 1908: My first meal with Lessie after baby came - also first domino game.
January 20, 1910: Nothing out of the ordinary occurred today. Three domino games, of which won two that night.
March 12, 1910: Baby weighed 18 lbs.
March 18, 1910: Baby's first visit to Killeen until March 27
April 5, 1910: Weight 19 1/2