LA GLORIA LLEGA

A

MUERTITO HEAVEN



Angels on Clouds

Gloria, elpadre y ladoctora neófita (me)


(This letter was written to Chaz Fourquet, editor of  Nuestra Herencia three weeks after el Primer Congreso de Genealogía Puertorriqueña, October, 1998).

Dear Nuestra Herencia:
This is to inform you of the warrant that I have taken out for the arrest of the lot of you.  I am shocked at what you have done to me, at the low handed way in which you have dealt with me in spite of the generous propaganda that I have made on your behalf among the good and reciprocating genealogists that I have come across over the course of the last few years. ¡Es insólito!  ¿How, how could you do this to me, a respectable and producing member of Muertito Heaven?  ¿Do you realize that this will probably just RUIN my candidacy for el Santo Patrón of Muertito Heaven?

  It all started a couple of weeks ago...........
 

There I was, quietly and furiously preparing to give a workshop, three weeks ahead of time, at the Primer Congreso Puertorriqueño de Genealogía on the use of parroquial books in the búsqueda genealógica when I got buzzed because of an incoming e-mail.  I went to answer just in case it was from my secretary at Muertito Heaven, ladoctora neófita esa, and was surprised to read that some dizzy dame was claiming to be a descendant of some of the ancestors that I have recently spoken to you about in a letter.  WELL, let me tell you that the trouble began immediately since she claimed that she had been at a workshop on genealogy and that Chaz and Al gave her a copy of the fourth issue of "Nuestra Herencia" where the first story of Muertito Heaven was published AND she claimed that she went home and as she read the story that she SABIA she was my cousin.  She also claimed that she told you gentlemen to please get in touch with me for her and to tell me that....  Hold on one second, let me get the e-mail......



Three Angels

As you can see, she claims you were in on this.  YOU DID THE RIGHT THING in not sending me her missive.  But you had already done enough harm.  I relayed the quack letter to my secretary who then called her on the phone and it has been un infierno ever since.  For the next few days, I was obliged by the two of them to spend myself until the wee hours of the morning in various chat sessions trying to ascertain our correct relationship.  I have never been so harried in my life. This woman, whose name is Gloria, has OTERO, OLIVERAS, LAUREANO, RIVERA,CLAS, MIRANDA, GONZALEZ and other surnames that are found in Muertito Heaven's Genealogical Bosque.  To tell you the truth, I had to go to confession because I wanted to do you people in myself.  After doing my penance, I have taken the suggestion of my confessor and I am suing you instead.  I tried to have you subpoenaed but no one was ever at your office so the warrant for your arrest is due any time now.


We have definitivamente linked our relationship through the LAUREANO RIVERA line:  Our ancestors, 3rd great grandparents Juan José LAUREANO and Micaela RIVERA, she claims, are the children, respectively, of Pablo LAUREANO and María DIAZ and of Juan Gil DE RIVERA and Clemencia DE RIVERA, but although this gives us second surnames and another generation in that line, I am not at all happy with the situation.  At any rate, the daughter of Juan José and Micaela, and our 2nd great grandmother, María Clemencia LAUREANO DE RIVERA married José Dolores PABON TORRES, and their son, José Antonio PABON LAUREANO married  María Norberta OTERO MIRANDA, the parents of our grandfather Angel PABON OTERO.  This dame claims that a brother of María Clemencia LAUREANO DE RIVERA, Pedro Candelaria, whose name I already had listed in our banyon tree - bosque of Muertito Heaven married a María Victoria ORTIZ GARCIA, and procreated, among others, a Cristobal LAUREANO ORTIZ who then married a María Antonio RUIZ SANCHEZ, and, supposedly, these are the parents of her grandmother Cirila LAUREANO RUIZ.


Tres Angelitos

For days before the Congress, my secretary and this dame kept me from my work constantly e-mailing me to get onto a chat session in Muertito Heaven where I was bombarded with names from a database of over 5,000 names and stymied into a corner answering questions about the now famous Muertito Heaven Bosque for which I had to delve into my own formidable list of names and notes.  At all hours of the day and night, during dinner, during the news, while I showered, even while I slept the e-mails would keep coming from la doctora neófita esa and Ms Jeben Nubesita as I have come to call her.  It is not fair that this should be my lot.  Sometimes, I wonder and speculate if this is a test that you at Nuestra Herencia have thrown my way in order to test the capabilities I may have to be el Santo Patron of Muertito Heaven, but I can take it no more.  Let me be more succinct.


I figured that because Ms Jeben was coming to the Conference, I would be spared the indignity of the constant battering I had already been subjected to but the suffering had only begun for I was informed in no uncertain terms by my secretary that we were picking the dizzy dame up at the airport. Would you believe it?  Allí esperamos largo por el avión y when it arrived the first woman in the baggage claim area made us look at one another and sure enough it was Jeben NUBESITA DE MUERTITO HEAVEN. I cannot tell you: the smooching, the lágrimas, "ay querida" here, "ay nena" there.  I was so disgusted I regurgitated on the side to no avail.  As if that wasn't enough, the two of them made plans for me to break night the night before the Congress (Thursday night) comparing information and sharing names and surnames, documents and stories. It was one the most harrowing of all the unfortunate experiences of my life.  Hour after hour, it went on and while one of them showered at dawn, I tried to take a fifteen minute nap but all I could do was count sheep with surnames on their foreheads: OTERO, OLIVERAS, LAUREANO, RIVERA, CLAS, MIRANDA, GONZALES, MORFI etc. etc.


After the Congress, everyone went home and I deduced I would have some rest, but no, not Father Oquendo.  La neófita esa made the serious mistake of telling Jebensita about ICQ.  WELL!  Now, the oh-oh comes at all hours of the day and night and in the in-between too.  I cannot take it, I cannot.  Can you imagine OH OH's everywhere. I now have insomnia.  To make it worse, I made the mistake of stating I had copied data from a book that has been lost in Vega Baja, a book on Confirmations beginning in 1818.  Well, she made me read out the OTERO MORFI that were there and they ended up being her ggg and maybe another g grandparents and now I have this dame asking me every two or three minutes if I found anything else.  I swear I have had it.  I am losing my hair, my beard has gone as white as Moses' hair, I have ronchas on the seat of my pants from sitting for literally hours at the computer pleading with this dame to leave me alone. You people should have warned me about this.  In addition to correctly NOT sending me the message she originally gave you to send, you should have put yourselves in my place.  I had my hands full with la neófita esa, now I have Jeben Nubesita on cloud nine and I can't get rid of her.   Excuse me......


I have just been informed that the warrant has been waived in lieu of the fact that Jeben blew out the Cybernetic fibers of the St. Thomas, USVI, servers when she lost a couple more screws and washers as she realized we are probably related not once, not twice, not even three times, but because of FOUR of our lines seem to match.  I wish to make a plea bargain, could one of you put up with me for a while.  I have to hide. I need to sleep, I need to rest, this dizzy dame, old enough to be my mother, is pushing her cloud up to mine and I fear for myself.  I want out. NOW!  Al, please don't forget the good times we had in Puerto Rico at the Congress.  Chaz, remember how nice I was to share my copyright of Muertito Heaven with you?  Please, let me in you guys for la Gloria llegó a Muertito Heaven and even the angelitos are fleeing their clouds, looking for cover.  I am distraught, the only prayer that I can remember is the first one I ever learned:

Ay Bendito!

Angel de mi guardia,
mi dulce compañía,
no me desampares
ni de noche ni de día,
haz que me pongan
en paz y alegría
con todos los Santos,
Jesús y María.



Help me out you guys, help me, here she comes, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......

elpadre


Nuestra Prima: Gloria Pérez Ruíz, "Ms. Jeben Nubesita"

We invite you to read LA GLORIA LLEGA A MUERTITO HEAVEN in spanish

Baby Angel
(Article is letter written tongue in cheek to Chaz Fourquet, editor of Nuestra Herencia, boletín of the Hispanic Genealogy Society of New York for the Muertito Heaven column.)


                                     
MUERTITO HEAVEN


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