Erap Dyoks Part Wan

PAG NANALO SI ERAP... (bago mag-eleksyon noon)

ETO ANG CABINET SECRETARIES NIYA:

Lolit Solis - Defense (wala ng tataray pa)
Dolphy - Labor (Sanay sa buntisan)
Rosanna Roces - Natural Resources (Alam mo na...)
German Moreno - Local Government (Sanay mag organize - Monday Group,Tuesday Group...etc..)
Ogie Alcasid - Foreign Affairs (proven!)
Inday Badiday - Information (sino pa ba? eh patay na si Babette Villaruel?)
Robin Padilla - Sports (Sanay sa rambulan)
Ben Tisoy - Agriculture (mukhang lupa)
Pitoy Moreno - Interior (Design)
Fernando Poe - Chief of Staff (syempre! may kakasa ba?)
Vic Sotto - PhilVolcs (sanay magpaputok)
Ramon Revilla - Transportation (para malipat na ang traffic sa Cavite)
Palito - Health (para huwag pamarisan)
Jimmy Santos - Education (magaling sa inglesan)
Leo Martinez - secretary of Tourism (for more pedophiles)
Nora Aunor - Secretary of Finance (broke kasi)
Gary Lising - Press Secretary
Erap Estrada (yes, sya na rin) - BIR (yan ang spelling nya ng beer)
Christy Fermin - NBI (magaling mag-imbestiga)

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Erap doing a citizen's arrest on foreigner.
Erap : "Abuso ka na, anongpangalan mo?" (While writing the report)
Foreigner : "Vladimir Kromanikov Shneit Norkvanikov Manheit Slokevsky."
Erap : O SIGE, ALIS KA NA!

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PDI Reporter : Mr. President, why did you beat up the man yesterday in the Health Center?
Erap : Kita na niyang ninenerbyos ako sa result ng AIDS test ko,
tapos sabi pa niya "THINK POSITIVE!"

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FVR : Nagustuhan mo ba yung M & M's w/ peanuts na pinadala ko kahapon sa iyo?
Alam ko naman na mahilig ka sa mani.
Erap : OO naman, sarap nga eh! KASO, ANG DUMI SA KUKO AT ANG HIRAP BALATAN!

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PDI Reporter : Mr. President, bakit po paika-ika kayong maglakad?
Erap : I have high cholesterol level. Sabi ng doktor ko, IWASAN KO DAW 'YUNG ITLOG!

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Erap was asked by a grade schooler to test his English ability.
Kids : Use Deduct, Defense, Detail & Defeat in a sentence.
Erap : (after 15 minutes of silence) DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE, DEFEAT first, then DETAIL!!

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Erap's Friend, offering the president a box of VIAGRA.
Erap : Di ko kailangan yan, merong mas effective dyan.
Friend : Ano yun Sir?
Erap : MAALOX, tingnan mo ang sabi sa label, ANTIGAS, O di ba!

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La Salista : Talagang magaling ang mga taga La Salle, marami kaming Mayor,
Congressman, Governor, Senator at Singer.
Atenean : Wala lahat yan, kami may presidente, si ERAP, pinakabobo pa sa amin yan!

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ERAP'S WISDOM :
1. Don't judge a book for you are not a Judge.
2. Birds of the same feathers are the same birds.
3. Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you mine.
4. An apple a day is 7 apples a week.

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Erap while buying chewing gum sa 7-11.
Erap : Etong bayad ko!
Cashier : Etong sukli nyo sir.
Erap : Sukli lang, asan yung libreng Asukal? Sabi dito sa gum wrapper, SUGAR FREE!

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Press conference on environment at Malacanang.
PDI Reporter : Mr. President, what are the Pollutants in the Philippines?
Erap : There are several pollutants. This includes BOPIS, SISIG, SITSARON, DAING, LIEMPO at MANI!

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In a Japanese restaurant.
Erap : Bigyan mo ako nung TA-KEHO-ME, waiter.
Waiter : Sir "Take Home" po ang basa diyan.