Interracial Family - The Single Parent
Random Thoughts
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The nice thing about authoring your own web page is that you get to put whatever you want on it. You can rant, rave, ramble and generally say what you want - within reason, of course - and the person visiting your page either reads it or clicks to another page. So here are my rambles...
I wish I could say we live in a perfect world where prejudices no longer exist. Where all people are judged by their words, deeds and the lives they live and not by how they look, sound, or what kind of religion they practice. But, as parents of biracial children, or having been in interracial relationships, we all know that's not the case at all.
As a woman of size, I can further attest to the fact that people tend to judge your whole character by how you look. There have been a number of times I applied for a job by fax or email, received a phone interview and was pretty much hired on the phone. Then, when I went to do an in-person interview, suddenly the job was no longer available. I just didn't fit the "corporate profile" with my large size - regardless of the fact that I had the skills and experience (and often times more) they needed.
I can't tell you the number of times I've had people ask me "Are those your kids?" when Mikey and Eli and I are out together. Sometimes, you can tell it's just an unfortunate choice of words, sometimes you can tell that it's total insensitivity, and at least on one occasion, I could tell there was measurable hostility behind the question. Older women are the worst for this...
When the boy's father and I first started going out, I lived in an apartment next door to an older (late 70's) southern couple. Matt and I had lived next to them for a couple years, and we had a cordial relationship. They sometimes brought over fruit or the odd plant for us, and always stopped to say hello when we ran into each other outside or at the local stores. But, when Mike started coming around, I was frozen out like a Canadian winter. Then one afternoon, the woman accosted me on the sidewalk and said, "Why is that black man coming to your house? I know it's not popular to say this, but I'm afraid of black men, and I don't like him coming around here." I honestly think she expected me to say something like, "Well, ok, if you feel that way I'll tell him never to come around here again."
Instead, I asked him to move in. It was civil war after that... suddenly, Matt - who before could do no wrong - had loud friends who kept them awake when they dropped him off in the evenings after being out. Our plants were encroaching on their porch. We played the t.v. too loud, etc. And, boy, when I came up pregnant, let me tell you... she used to stand and stare at me out her living room window as I got in and out of my car with the baby (Mikey). Her husband would tell racial jokes within hearing distance of Mike, etc. It finally came to a head when she started telling neighbors that the neighborhood wasn't safe with him living there.
Needless to say, we didn't stay there much longer after that... but it really saddened and angered me, because before then I had never come across such blatant bigotry before. Of course Mike had, and he pretty much laughed at my naivety. Fortunately for us all, the neighborhood we moved into after that has a wonderful racial mix, and even has several interracial couples and families... so, the boys and I blend right in.
This is the third version of this web page... I got an email from a person (who of course didn't even have the decency to use his/her real name) that accused me of only going after black men because of their legendary physical attributes, and if I would only give white men a try would find them "competitive". Let's get one thing straight here. I didn't start dating Mike because he was black. I started dating Mike because of him. When I looked in his eyes, there was something there that called to me. I felt like we'd known each other across lifetimes, and that we belonged to each other. It wasn't until later that I considered his race, and only because he continually brought it up.
Mikey and Elijah will be raised by me to embrace both their backgrounds. They will be taught the history of both their backgrounds, and I won't hold anything out - not how one half of their racial heritage enslaved the other half... nothing. I'm not going to choose their friends, or argue with them if they seem to prefer one race over another for friends. I didn't with my eldest, and I'm not going to with my youngest, either. I would hope that they will choose friends for their qualities and not for their skin color, anyway.
There is so much anger in this world, and despite Civil Rights and Affirmative Action, there are still many, many inequalities in opportunity and treatment between the races. It's not right, and I will do everything in my power to change it one person at a time. This web page is a small contribution towards change. My sons - all three of them - are beautiful, loving, intelligent and gifts from God. As such, I ask that they be treated as gifts from God.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox now. If you got this far, thanks for hanging in. And if I made you think and reconsider, even better.
Lisa - June 2004
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