INTERRACIAL FAMILY - THE SINGLE PARENT
A Site for Single Parents of Interracial Children

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It's terribly sad when a relationship breaks up - for whatever reason. Even if the situation had gotten bad, and it was better for one or both that the relationship end, there is still a sadness about what could have been.

It is especially sad when there are children from that relationship. Their little worlds are suddenly different, and often times - if the parent that leaves doesn't take his or her responsibilities seriously and give financial and/or emotional support - their lives are often a lot less secure or comfortable. It is imperative, then, the the remaining parent reassure the children that everything will be ok, that they won't leave them as well, and that the break-up wasn't their fault by any means. It's amazing how children can focus blame on themselves when there should be none, but more often than not, that's exactly what they do.

Being a single parent is hard - whether the other parent is a part of the children's lives or not. Suddenly, all the work, discipline, finances, and worries are laid on the remaining parent's shoulders. They are both mother and father to the children in the absence of the other, and they are the ones who have to be "on" all the time. There is no one to take over for them when they are tired or sick, there is no one to entertain one child while he or she gives the other child a bath, etc. Single parents have to juggle work and day care schedules by themselves, with no one to fall back on if they are running late or have a flat tire or if the day care is closed. But there are the benefits, too... You don't have to share hugs and kisses with anyone. You don't have to debate parenting styles with anyone or argue if the other parent is being too hard/soft on the kids. And when the kids grow up and make you proud, you can pat yourself on the back and say, "Hey! I did a good job!"

Being a single parent of interracial children presents it's own set of challenges and joys.  As children get older - and especially if the non-custodial parent doesn't visit often - the child might have a lot of questions concerning differences between him and you, the custodial parent - hair type, skin color, eye color, etc.

However, it is imperative that interracial children maintain contact with both sides of their racial heritage in some form or another. If the situation with the ex is just too awful (or he's disappeared) to contemplate making contact with the family, then steps should be taken to ensure that the children have opportunities to make friends with children of their own races, attend events, churches, etc. where the make-up is either well mixed or even better, mostly of the absent parents race. Finding and keeping books and toys that express both sides of their heritage is important as well. Books with only say, white themes or black themes is narrowing and unfair. The books and toys should have a good mix - books by and/or about black people as well as books by/or about white people (or whatever the racial make-up of the children is) and books with a good mix of both races is an important step to helping the child recognize their racial heritage and to learn to joy in that mix.

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP), Interracial children are not the children lost between two worlds and unable to function as the nay sayers would have us believe:  Their site says: "Recent research has shown that multiracial children do not differ from other children in self-esteem, comfort with themselves, or number of psychiatric problems. Also, they tend to be high achievers with a strong sense of self and tolerant of diversity. " 

That's a pretty strong endorsement from a very knowledgeable  source!  But there will always be people on both sides of the fence who will tell you it was wrong for these children to be born, and that's a pretty sad state of affairs.  There are some blacks that will insist these children should be raised solely as blacks, since the law recognizes them as such.  There are those - black and white - who say interracial children should be raised as whites, as that way they'll at least get the advantages whites have.  I'm sorry, but I disagree completely, and I think the AACAP just backed me up on that one.  

The Resources page has lots of links with pages and pages of research, ideas and resources for both single parents and interracial children.  I hope you'll take the time to check some of them out, and then come back and finish viewing this page.

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