HUMOR
When life looks tough, take another look with humor-colored glasses.
Sit back, relax, unwind, and enjoy your visit to our humor page.
Laughter is not only good medicine, it's free, yet by some miracle it makes troubles grow smaller in size and intensity. Its therapeutic effect tops many an expensive medicine, and will boost your immune system as well. (No joke, this is a proven medical fact!).
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HUMOR...
Two hunters, John and George, were stalking big game in the wilds of Canada when they suddenly came across the footprints of a full-grown grizzly bear.
John said, "Look at those tracks! George, quick, you start following them to see where he went. And I'll backtrack him to see where he came from."
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A Clergyman walking down a country lane sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
"You look hot, my son," said the Clergyman. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."
"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't like it."
"Don't be silly, the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water." Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.
Losing his patience, the Clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well," replied the lad, "he's under that load of hay."
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The English teacher asked Johnny to give her a sentence with an object.
"You are very pretty," he answered.
"What's the object?" the teacher asked.
"Johnny replied, "To get an A in English"
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MIS-TRANSLATIONS
Have you seen a sign that was thoughtfully translated, yet there was something about it that just didn't seem right? The following are a few examples.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The list is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Sign posted on the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russians and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
From a Japanese information booklet about using the hotel air conditioner and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel orter.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Outside a Hong Kong taylor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skins.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers on strict rotation.
In a Norwegian cocktail Lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong Dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Two signs from a Mojorcan shop entrance: "English well speaking." - "Here speeching American."
What did that sign say??? Did I read that wrong or what???
ACCIDENT STATEMENTS
These are actual statements found on insurance forms where the drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident.
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
- A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
- The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
- I attempted to kill a fly, and drove into a telephone pole.
- I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.
- An indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
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