Ten Reasons Why

	I Drink		I Smoke
	I Swear		I Never Wash

1. I love to vomit.

2. It makes my children respect me.

3. My wife loves my whiskey breath and beer-bleary eyes.

4. Drunkards and saloon-keepers make the best citizens.

5. It helps me win the safe-driving award.

6. I want to encourage juvenile delinquency.

7. It helps me think more clearly.

8. It's my way of saving money.

9. I hope to live in a "flophouse" on Skid Row.

10. It's my way of obeying God, Who says, "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging; and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise." - Proverbs 20:1.

Back to top

1. It's such a clean, refined habit.

2. It makes my breath so pleasing to everybody.

3. It sets such a good example for children to follow.

4. It proves I have self control.

5. It makes my fingers and teeth so pretty and yellow.

6. It makes me look so manly.

7. I love to spit.

8. It starts Fires, kills lives and destroys millions of dollars worth of forests and property. This is fun.

9. I want to see how much poison my body can take before I die.

10. It's my way of obeying God, Who says. "Keep thyself pure. Touch not the unclean thing." "An ungodly man diggeth up evil, and in his lips there is as a burning fire." - Proverbs 16:21.

Back to top

1. It pleases mother so much.

2. It is a fine mark of manliness.

3. It proves I have self control.

4. It indicates how clearly my mind operates.

5. It makes my conversation so pleasing to everybody.

6. It leaves no doubt in anyone's mind as to my good breeding.

7. It impresses people that I have more than an ordinary education.

8. It is an unmistakable sign of culture and refinement.

9. It makes me a very desirable personality among women and children and in respectable society.

10. It is my way of honoring God who said, "Thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy God in vain."

Back to top

Though I attend church faithfully, I never wash. Here are my reasons:

1. My mother made me wash as a child.

2. The soap makers only want my money.

3. There are so many different kinds of soap, I could never decide which one was right.

4. I used to wash, but it got boring, so I quit.

5. I do wash on special days like Easter and Christmas.

6. I work hard all week and am too tired to take a bath on the weekend.

7. People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than other people.

8. I get along very well without washing.

9. Hardly any friends I have, wash.

10. I'm still young. When I get older and dirtier I may wash.

(Church Bus News, April-June 1997)

Though I attend church faithfully, I never wash. Here are my reasons:
1.	My mother made me wash as a child.
2.	The soap makers only want my money.
3.	There are so many different kinds of soap, I could never decide which one was right.
4.	I used to wash, but it got boring, so I quit.
5.	I do wash on special days like Easter and Christmas.
6.	I work hard all week and am too tired to take a bath on the weekend.
7.	People who wash are hypocrites. They think they are cleaner than other people.
8.	I get along very well without washing.
9.	Hardly any friends I have, wash.
10.	I'm still young. When I get older and dirtier I may wash.

Back to top

Close Window

1.	I love to vomit.
2.	It makes my children respect me.
3.	My wife loves my whiskey breath and beer-bleary eyes.
4.	Drunkards and saloon-keepers make the best citizens.
5.	It helps me win the safe-driving award.
6.	I want to encourage juvenile delinquency.
7.	It helps me think more clearly.
8.	It's my way of saving money.
9.	I hope to live in a "flophouse" on Skid Row.
10.	It's my way of obeying God, Who says, "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging; and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise." - Proverbs 20:1.

1.	It's such a clean, refined habit.
2.	It makes my breath so pleasing to everybody.
3.	It sets such a good example for children to follow.
4.	It proves I have self control.
5.	It makes my fingers and teeth so pretty and yellow.
6.	It makes me look so manly.
7.	I love to spit.
8.	It starts Fires, kills lives and destroys millions of dollars worth of forests and property. This is fun.
9.	I want to see how much poison my body can take before I die.
10.	It's my way of obeying God, Who says. "Keep thyself pure. Touch not the unclean thing." "An ungodly man diggeth up evil, and in his lips there is as a burning fire." - Proverbs 16:21.

1.	It pleases mother so much.
2.	It is a fine mark of manliness.
3.	It proves I have self control.
4.	It indicates how clearly my mind operates.
5.	It makes my conversation so pleasing to everybody.
6.	It leaves no doubt in anyone's mind as to my good breeding.
7.	It impresses people that I have more than an ordinary education.
8.	It is an unmistakable sign of culture and refinement.
9.	It makes me a very desirable personality among women and children and in respectable society.
10.	It is my way of honoring God who said, "Thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy God in vain."