"Angels"




Please take the time to read my testimony. I know it's a lot but I wanted to share this with everyone!


In my opinion this is what happened! I was conceived out of wed lock and my parents married before I was born. I almost died because I was bleeding all over. I grew up in a home where my parents were always fighting. I saw my dad push my mom down, and go after her with a broom stick when she was in the car, crashing the window in on her.

When I was about five years old, my mom gave birth to my sister, who was born with spinal bifida. The doctors told my mom that she was going to die. My parents and I went to go and say our good-byes to my sister and ten minutes after we left the hospital she died. I know that God kept her alive long enough for us to say good bye to her.

My dad made friends with some people that moved into our neighborhood. Their sons would fondle me and forced to do some things against my will; at the age of eight, I knew what married people do. I was teased at school and did not have many friends. My grades were also very poor. At age thirteen, I was over weight and my dad often put me down about my weight. I became anorexic, thinking that this would make my father love me.

I began to look for love in all the wrong places. I met one of my boyfriends on a blind date. We dated for awhile, but then he started to dating one of my friends behind my back. I wanted to get him back. One night, we were watching a movie and he wanted to have sex. I did not want to, but it happened against my will. I told my mom, but she did not do anything about it.

My parents agreed to pay for alcohol as long as I drank in front of them. I remember going into liquor stores and telling my mom what I wanted, and then my friends and I would get drunk at my house. I praise God I did not get addicted to the stuff.

My boyfriend and I became sexually active and after awhile, I became pregnant; shortly after that I had a miscarriage. When I got out of the hospital, I was told to forget about it and get on with my life though that was hard because my boyfriend broke up with me. I no longer had the desire to live, and I told one of my relatives that I wanted to die. He later handed me a gun and said, "If you want to kill yourself, kill yourself in front of me." By the grace of God I am still alive.

I held everything inside. After awhile I just couldn't handle it anymore. I went to school one day and broke down. I just cried and cried and cried and when I couldn't stop I began hyperventilating. The next thing I remember is all kinds of social workers and counselors around me. I ended up in a foster home that day, then another one the next week. I enjoyed living there because my foster mom was so nice to me. She was a born again Christian and planted the seed in my heart. I also saw a cow being born - it was so cool. =)

Later, I was placed into another foster home and then eventually back at my home. I started to date again and became sexually active with my boyfriend once again. My parents separated from each other and dad tried to commit suicide - he put a gun in his mouth. (Someone stopped him.)

My boyfriend and I broke up; my parents got back together. The tension was building so much at home that I again, did not want to live anymore. I wrote a letter to my favorite teacher and told her that I did not want to live. She allowed me to live with her.

Working behind my back, my parents, social worker, and counselor found a group home for me to live in. I despised it there. I graduated from high school and shortly after and moved back home with my parents. A few months later, my dad told my mom that he wanted a divorce. (He was having an affair.) He told me that I was one of the reasons for his decision. When he divorced my mom he told me I was a mistake.

In Psalm 139:13 says, "Because God made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mothers womb."

God does not create junk and my parents marriage was between them not me. When my parents decided to divorce I had to listen to them tell me how much they hated each other; I did not like that at all. My dad went his way and my mom went her way.

I was left out of their life. I kept on wondering what did I wrong. I cried out to God, "Please send me the man I am suppose to marry!" I was sick of being hurt by men and people. Do you know what happened? I met Mr. Wrong that was not Mr. Right. I had to deal with domestic violence (more verbal than physical)living with him. I was thinking I married my family member that hurt me as a child. I wanted to keep the marriage going cause I remembered my marriage vows and what God wanted me to do. I thought that the marriage vows ment something to him but apparently not. We were struggling with infertility and he chose somethings else that were not Godly to get his mind focused on. So when I was in the hospital in August of 2001, he came to tell me he wanted a divorce. Before I went into the hospital he wanted me to move out. I moved to group homes, then I went to move with my mom. That was not a great place to be cause she was constantly verbally abusing me and she still does to this day. The counselor we were seeing for marriage counseling and his lawyer said it was his fault for the divorce. If you have been through a divorce remember God is right there with you. He loves you so much and he is the only man that will never leave you. People on earth will leave us but God will never leave you. He loves you so much. My best advice to someone who is going through divorce is concentrate on God and get close to him he will help you through this. He will be your boyfriend, and your husband at the same time. He loves you but he weeps about divorce. I am not for divorce at all. I live the pain of it every day and it is one of the biggest rejections in life!! God loves you right where you are at please call out to him. Please do not make the mistake and want to get into a relationship with a man so fast cause it does not help matters it makes them worse from my opinion.

I went to cosmetology school, I soon dropped out because of depression. I eventually went to the hospital; I was searching for God there. When I got out of the hospital a friend invited me to a church service. I went up their that night, there was an invitation to go forward and accept Jesus into our heart. I went forward and accepted Jesus into my heart.

As of now the family member that abused me does not want to have contact with me. If I call him up on the phone he will hang up on me. When I see him, he ignores me. He remarried - married the woman who he had the affair with, and my mom remarried too, but my step dad died in July of 2000 of a stomach aneurism. My mom has contacted me though she is not the mom that I would like her to be. I need to separate the sin from the sinner. Right now I am struggling with all these people that say they love me and then abuse me. It is hard for me to trust anyone.

There are times in which I still have struggles with my parents but I know that God loves me and that he will always be there for me. God can protect me and work on the people that have hurt me. Alone, I cannot do anything to change them - all I can do is pray for them.

If people reject me they are rejecting Jesus in me or you. On judgement day God will judge them for what they have done all that I can do is pray for them to come to Jesus before they die.

I wanted to tell people my testimony because I want to help people to know that there is a way out of the abuse mess. Please do not feel sorry for me. I praise God for what I went through I know that sounds crazy, but I can help others deal with their problems and I also do not know if I would have ever given my life to Christ - the abuse brought me to Him.

If you have been abused, please go to God with it. He will help you along with the abuser. It was very hard for me to give my problems to God, but He can help you through anything. I know he can because he is helping me right now. I have been angry many times I have to give the anger over to God. No matter what the abuser has told you. The abuse is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is the abusers fault! They chose to sin.

My nickname is "Butterfly." I would like to help you - please e-mail me and I will help you with anything, because I know life is not an easy road to go down. God can help you and he wants to. If you do not know Jesus yet please ask Him into your heart. What helps me a lot is talking to God when I am mad and also having a Christian counselor being a mentor that will not judge me. When people judged me, it was not fair to me - God does not want us to judge each other but to love one another. I send you a big hug and I will here for you. Please look to Jesus to help you too!



I chose the name "Butterfly" because when I was young, I was an ugly caterpillar attempting making it in the world the best that I could. When I accepted Jesus into my heart I went into a cocoon to be with Him, prayed, read the bible, and began my transformation. I feel so loved in my cocoon because I know that Jesus will protect me from the people that could do me harm. When I step out of my cocoon and go into the world I always know God is still with me. I also know that I can go back to my cocoon and be with Jesus!

I want to say a special thank you to all the people that have helped me in my life and have brought Jesus to me. I know there were tough times but I appreciate it that you kept in helping me. You know who you are so I am not going to name names. I want to thank the people that have helped me with my web page. I do not know what I would do if I did not have such help. Thanks!


. 1 John 4:4 You belong to God and have already won your fight with those who are against Christ. because God in your heart is stronger than any evil teacher that is in the wicked world! (TLB)



---





[ Home ] [ My Testimony ] [ Bible Verses ] [ The Ragman ] [ Awards ] [ Heavenly Links ] [ Be A Butterfly ] [ Apply for Outspoken For Christ award ] [ Add My Banner ]





This Site is NOT responsible for material shown in banners!