Ain't Life Great?
He stood there staring at it. A bathtub full of cream cheese. He couldn't decide if he should get in or not. He did need a bath. He hadn't had one in three weeks. He jumped in. Cream cheese splattered.
He began washing himself with the rotten avocado. "Boy did that feel good to finally have a bath!" he thought.
Suddenly, something hit him on the top of his head. He looked down and saw a screw slowly sinking in the cream cheese. It was the looses screw he meant to tighten last week. "Oh no!" he said and got out of the tub as quickly as possible. The ceiling fan the screw held fell into the tub. "Boy that was close!" he said as he looked up at the ceiling. "Yuk!" Hundreds of box elder bugs were coming out of the hole. He grabbed a bucket of water and threw the water on the bugs. They melted just like the Wicked Witch of the West.
He dried off and left for the store. The bulldozer didn't start on the first try. On the second try it almost started. It worked on the third try. "Third try really is a charm!" he muttered to himself.
At the store, he bought two-hundred dollars worth of fireworks and a long piece of wick. He drove to his favorite spot on the river. he tied all the fireworks together with the wick and shoved all of it into a hollow tree. he lit the wick and ran to the bulldozer. Just as he got inside, the tree took off into the sky like a rocket. It must have left a trail for a mile before it exploded into a bouquet of flowers. He saw orchids, roses and snapdragons. No carnations though.
He decided to walk along the river bank. The water was crystal clear and full of alligators. He heard a sizzling noise and looked down. Right at his feet was an egg frying on the sidewalk. It didn't feel hot outside but it must be for an egg to do that.
On the way back to the bulldozer he found two rubber bands. He put one around each ear as earrings and danced around singing "La la la la la la la!"
While driving home, he picked up a hitchhiker. Once in the bulldozer, he got a good look at his passenger. he was a chihuahua wearing a purple satin smoking jacket eating Cheeto's Paws. The dog said he was going to a birthday party to meet his friend Marty the goat. "A goat named Marty at a birthday party. That's a rhyme. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it. There's another one!" said the dog.
The garden party was in full swing when they arrived. Both went to have some free cake. Animals were everywhere. Hippos in the pool, camels in the sand box, monkeys in the trees, birds on the roof of the house and elephants aimlessly roaming around.
After twenty-six pieces of cake, he told the chihuahua he was leaving. On his way around the house, he tripped on something and fell on his belly. He turned to see what it was. He tripped on a thirty-foot section of PVC pipe. Sticking out of end was a dead body of a snake. He screamed and ran to the bulldozer and sped away towards home.
Once home, he checked the mailbox. Only one thing in it but it was addressed to him and not "Occupant." He took it inside and opened it. Before he read it though, he got an itch in his right ear. He quickly grabbed a pipe cleaner, it had neon-green fuzz, and scratched his ear with it.
The mail was a certificate of achievement from his club The Royal Order Of Water Moccasins. He had thought of the new secret password to get into the club. He chose "Sheep Dip." He decided to celebrate with a nice tall glass of warm watermelon wine and play with his Super Nerf Ball all night. "Ain't life great?" he thought.
The End
© Streettales August 3 1994