A Day In The Life Of
7.00am Elmer the Seagull awakens from a restful sleep, stretches his wings and makes some coffee before his roommate Alphonse the Lizard wakes up.
7.30am They begin playing "Swoop & Drop." Elmer flies high then swoops down on Alphonse, picks him up and drops him. Alphonse seems to like this game up to a certain height.
8.00am Alphonse gets out his marble collection; best one this side of the river. It consists of two shooters, one for him and one for Elmer, and fifteen marbles. The game lasts about three hours. It's not easy for a lizard and a bird to shoot marbles. Elmer wins. Snow begins to fall.
11.15am Jim the Rhinoceros, from the other side of the river, begins to ram his head into the cliff wall next to the rusted-out Chevy pick-up Elmer and Alphonse call home. The truck's previous owner drove it off the cliff one day and it hasn't moved since.
11.30am After many attempts to calm Jim down, Alphonse has to haul out the bucket of potato peels. Jim promptly eats them and leaves. No one knows why Jim does this, nor do they want to ask.
11.45am Alphonse suggests an arts-and-crafts project. Elmer gathers up cardboard, glue (yes it's Elmer's) and some dried macaroni. After a lengthy and heated debate, a portrait of the homestead is agreed upon. Elmer wanted a picture of his brother Jonathan, but Alphonse won the debate because he has never him. It would be difficult to capture the true Jonathan. After the glue dries, Elmer will spray paint it purple which was the original color of the truck.
2.00pm It stopped snowing after about three inches fell. Elmer and Alphonse build a snowman. Elmer found an old pair of his army boots so the snowman can have feet. When they put the boots on him, he came to life. He was not a nice snowman. He growled and started chasing both of them. it was easy for Elmer to get away, but poor Alphonse could be stepped on at any moment. Elmer grabbed the garden hose and hooked it up; it was put away for the winter. Alphonse immediately knew what he was doing and ran and got his own super soaker. They started spraying him. The snowman didn't like it. He howled a began running in circles. He knocked over six of the ten lawn chairs they had folded up and leaned against the truck. The snowman started to slow down from the ice buildup. Slowly he came to a stand-still and Alphonse took the boots off him. That was a close call.
4.00pm Back inside the warmth, Elmer is admiring his stamp collection. It isn't complete yet because he doesn't have an Elvis stamp. He has some that are cancelled, but that's not the same.
5.00pm Time for dinner. Grubs.
5.30pm "Gilligan's Island" is on so nothing else is done. It's episode #55 "Seer Gilligan" in which Gilligan can read minds because of the seeds he eats.
6.00pm Alphonse finds his wind-up toy octopus he thought was gone for good. He fills the bathtub with water, pretty full too, and plays in it for hours. He even races it three times. He ties once and loses twice.
7.30pm Bedtime. Tomorrow is a school day for Alphonse. The Christmas vacation ends. Elmer paints the truck.
8.00pm Alphonse is still awake. He asks Elmer to read him a book.
"Green Eggs And Ham
" is too exciting to put him to sleep so Elmer reads the newest installment
of the insomnia-curing "Uncle Wiggly Books." (I won't tell you about the
book for fear of us all falling asleep.)
8.05pm Elmer and Alphonse are fast asleep.
The End
© Streettales March 9 1994