Weather: Cloudy, with the odd bit of drizzle. Cold, too. 5.

Travel: It works, after a fashion. Out is 8 late, and just squeaks out ahead of the stopper. The London train is slow, and we come to a stop at Smethwick. And wait. Apparently, there's been a points failure at New Street, so we're headed off via Aston. We wait another five minutes, then head into New Street the usual way. Odd.
Then home suffers from an illegally parked Securicor van at Northfield. (We name the blighters.) Then the 1722 leaves 8 late, but before the stopper. It's slow going, about fourth in line behind the previous stopper, then we come to a stop two outside Wolverhampton. The stopper heads the other way, cutting our path. Finally home 1810.

Ritchie Neville of boy band Five is ordered to pay IRP3,000 to charity for his part in a drunken scuffle in a crowded Dublin bar last December. The 21-year-old singer, appearing in court in Dublin under his real name Richard Dobson, pleaded guilty to being drunk and disorderly and causing a breach of the peace. This adds to the long criminal record he has compiled since 1997.

Angry farmers vent their frustration on Agriculture Minister Nick Brown as he visits the worst affected area of the foot-and-mouth epidemic. He's greeted with shouts of "murdering bastard" after a press conference in Carlisle.

Farmers in Cumbria are desperate to speed up response times in dealing with the outbreaks. They want local vets to have more say rather than waiting for Ministry of Agriculture officials. Steve Heaton, NFU regional director: "If a local vet says it's foot and mouth then it's foot and mouth. We can't afford any delay in the process of diagnosis."

NFU officials are left "tearing their hair out" after an hour-long meeting with Mr Brown. Nick Utting, Cumbria NFU secretary: "I am frustrated. Despite what the Prime Minister requested things have not gone as fast as they should have done. The sweeping changes that should have occurred and were instructed by the Prime Minister have not occurred."

The NFU wants the Army to take charge of the operation to diagnose and slaughter infected animals. "If the Army can organise the cull efficiently, they can organise the slaughter on infected farms," said Utting. One NFU man said the disease is effectively out of control in the north of the county even though all animal movements have been stopped. It is being spread through direct contact between neighbouring flocks and herds.

Brown acknowledged the scale of the crisis and that each day brought worse news. "We didn't know how much infection there was or where it was in the national sheep flock. Now we have a clear view of where it is emerging and where it is spreading."

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Hull upset Birkbeck in the shock of the QF; Imperial downed defending champs Durham and then Manchester by a whisker last time out. This looks to be a great semi, and I wouldn't care to call it by 10 either way.

Hull gets the first starter, but Imperial takes the next four. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and "Always On My Mind" levels the sides just before half time. Ding-dong goes the lead, before Imperial pulls 40 ahead. But that's hardly anything, and it's down to 5. Then it goes up and up and up. Hull hardly gets a look in as Campbell sets the buzzers burning.

Purbrick gets the First Mrs Keppel question correct (the one about Alice, Edward VII's floozie; not the one about Judith and a million.)

Box scores
Person (starter) total

HULL (11 bonuses)
Shepperson (10) 22 Clamp    (25) 39
Crawford   (10) 22 Purbrick (45) 62

IMPERIAL LONDON (27 bonuses)
Hodgson  (10) 38 Douglas  (  0)  27
Estcourt (15) 47 Campbell (100) 148

HU 10 85 40  10 = 145
IL 75 15 65 105 = 260

Weather: Sunny spells, cloudy bits, the odd shower. 7.

Travel: Out is no trouble. Back is not. Here's the text of the complaint form.
(1) 1722 not at platform. Take first available train to Wolverhampton, 1710 stopper. No seat. Standing, 25 minutes. This is in breach of national charter standards, setting a max of 20 minutes.
(2) On arrival, station indicates 1742 due at 1800.
(3) At 1801, board the 1742 train. This turns out to be the 1800 fast to Shrewsbury. The station screens are still showing the Holyhead train. There's an incorrect announcement on the train's arrival, claiming this is the 1742. It's corrected by the train's guard.

Questions: (A) Why dispatch the 1737 from New Street before the 1722?
(B) Why the deliberate misinformation at Wolverhampton?
(C) What happened to the 1804 to Wellington which would have left before the 1800? This was never shown on the departure board, and there was no announcement.

RequestPlease enclose a copy of the Central Trains Customer Charter with your response.
We await a response.

Thankfully, this is the last time I'll be using one of these complaints forms. The new house is 20 minutes walk from work.

Ken Livingstone has started High Court proceedings to halt the proposed part privatisation of the Tube. The Mayor ordered them to act within minutes of a "last ditch" meeting between his Transport Commissioner, Bob Kiley, and Deputy King John Prescott breaking up without agreement. After the meeting, Kiley said the most positive thing the Deputy Prime Minister had to say to him was "hello". Kiley expressed "severe disappointment" that the talks broke up.

The public private partnership (PPP) means a Tube system that's neither safe nor integrated. There's no reaction from the Government. Government sources said before the meeting they had gone as far as they could in accommodating Mr Kiley's alternative plans.

Agriculture minister Nick Brown proposes a ban on pigswill in response to the foot-and-mouth epidemic. Brown said it was likely that the source of the outbreak was the farm at Heddon on the Wall in Northumberland. The farm was licensed to feed swill to pigs, but he said investigations were continuing and did not comment on whether the use of pigswill was the cause of the outbreak.

The farmer blamed said the Government was creating a "smokescreen" by suggesting pigswill could be to blame. Bobby Waugh claimed it was politically convenient for the Government to blame pigswill and said vermin could have spread it. "They are blaming pigswill for everything, then the increase in cases slows down and then they'll have an election. Saying swill could be responsible for the outbreak is nothing more than a smokescreen. There's nothing for farmers to gain by giving pigs untreated swill."

Two gunmen were involved in the assassination of John F Kennedy in 1963, a forensic scientist has said. In a peer-reviewed paper published in the British Forensic Science Society's journal "Science and Justice", scientist D B Thomas adds weight to the "grassy knoll" theory that a second gunman shot at the president at almost exactly the same moment as Lee Harvey Oswald fired three shots from the Book Depository building.

Based on an analysis of echoes on acoustic recordings from the Dallas police radio channels at the time of the shooting, Thomas says there is a 96.3 percent chance that a shot was fired by a second person on the knoll. Eyewitness Jean Hill, the "Lady in Red" in footage of the assassination, maintained she heard a shot from the grassy knoll, not the Book Depository. Hill, who died last year, said she ran towards the knoll to see the shooter but was stopped by two policemen.

In 1964, the Warren Commission concluded that only three shots were fired by a single assassin - Oswald - from the Book Depository at the northeast corner of Dealey Plaza which was above and behind the president's limousine. The grassy knoll was to the right and in front of the limousine.

Jaeda:
>Does either one want to make it work?
doubtful
Then an exit strategy is for the best. Free him up to his horde of adoring fan, and her to do guest spots on Liquid News.

he'd better go hunting somewhere else for tact...mrs. Eminem has as little as he does.... That much? Goodness, what a pair of potty mouths we have here.

>Have you ever heard / seen / read "Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy?"
>Very curious, especially if you haven't...
never heard of it...enlighten me....
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy is a cult British sci-fi radio series, later adapted for book, television and (allegedly) film. Though the earth gets blown up half way through episode one, this is only the prelude to a series of mind-bogglingly daft adventures.

During episode four, we hear tapes from Deep Thought, the second most powerful computer that worked out the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, And Everything. The answer (revealed by kind permission of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries, and Other Thinking Persons) was 42.

The question remained hazy, necessitating the building of an even bigger computer to determine the Ultimate Question. That computer was so big, it was often mistaken for a planet, and destroyed to make way for an interplanetary by-pass ten minutes before its program was scheduled to complete.

Provisional results from the program suggested the Question took the form: "What do you get if you multiply six by nine," but these *are* only provisional results.

Final results awaited this unguarded comment last Friday:
I have no idea what 7 x 6 is

Maybe you do now.

Weather: Some sun, some showers. Muggy for much of the day. 10.

So, Friday is the day. Pack, pack, pack. Call the utilities - I need electricity, gas, water, telephone, insurance. Council tax and telly tax can wait till Monday, April, and the start of a new month.

Call the insurance breakers first. Twelve minutes later, I'm covered. Result.

The water board. We'll take your details, but you'll need to call us again after moving with the meter reading. OK, fair call. Same from the gas and electricity place.

The telephone company. "Sorry, we don't cover your area." This is a fib - the company supplying this area was bought out by a giant circa 1997. Still, if they don't want me on their books...

They do give the Talking Pages number, so call them and ask for the company. "We have no company of that name listed." Blighters.

Give up on these amateurs and go to the web site. Redirects to The Giant, without so much as a forwarding number. The Directory Enquiries site does give the required number, which is A Good Thing.

Straight on to them, then wait five minutes in the hell known as Telephone Queues. I'm paying good money to have these blighters advertise at me. Not impressive.

Eventually, finally, I'm through, and they call back to confirm everything will run. They have to visit to install a new cable telly box, but the phone will be working throughout, and it should fit into previously arranged plans. Phew.

Looking down a list of the albums Hey Jude had appeared on in a Not Muchly Edited national rag. "1" - just coz something's wrong doesn't make it go away. "Anthology 3" - ditto. Hollywood Bowl, The Blue Album, yadda yadda. But wait. Aren't we missing "The White Album"? Isn't that the Album Of Record, or have I got my wires *totally* crossed?

Do watch. "The Day Today" today on UK Play. DTTV channel 37, all digital cable, and somewhere or other on Astra 2A, just don't ask where.

What next for man raised by puffins?

D'ya know, I think we've managed to avoid mentioning any awards ceremony from last weekend. Let me set the record straight: *that* picture of David Beckham will win Most Seen Snap Of The Week, but nothing more.

Three choice words for those execs who thought MSCL's ratings were poor. Ex. Eff. Ell. Three more. One. Point. Six.

Hello. Do you like money? http://home.nbci.com/LMOID/bb/fd/0,946,-0- 5350,00.html?tv.idx.az.show-drp.5350

The prime minister appeals to people to return to the countryside and stave off a slump in tourism in Britain. The government has received permission from the EU to create vaccinated firewalls against the spread of foot and mouth. As the government blamed imports of contaminated meat for the foot and mouth outbreak, the farmer whose farm was pinpointed as the source of the crisis gave his verdict on the report. "A lot of tripe", Bobby Waugh told the Financial Times. Accusing the government of a cover-up, he said that no official had even asked him where he had obtained his swill.

Britain's air traffic control service is to be run by the country's biggest airlines as the government moved to end a two-year dispute over privatisation of the system. Britain is the first country in Europe to experiment with the privatisation of air traffic control services and others will be watching closely.

MStarla####@aol.com:
>

1) You are posting via AOHell. (see headers)
2) You are using AOHell 6. (see headers)
3) AOHell 6 will only allow messages to be sent in a pseudo-HTML. (see documentation.)
4) mail-list.com strips out all non-text parts of messages. (fact)
5) Message minus non-text part equals large blank space.

Solution: As AOHell 6 is incapable, by design, of posting in plain text, you must change to a standards-compliant email client. PC-PINE is good, so is Pegasus Mail. Even Netscrape Communicator (spit) or Microsoft Outlook Depress (spit) will work.

Looking forward to hearing from you...

Weather: Sunny, with a lot of heavy showers, and humid in between. 12.

Pack pack pack pack pack. I'm ready. They're ready.

The president of the National Farmers' Union today said there are "positive signs" that mass slaughter is working. Ben Gill said: "It is important to realise that yesterday, for the first time, more animals from infected farms were slaughtered than were reported infected. That's the first time that has been achieved."

Emergency vaccines against foot and mouth might make matters worse, according to a suppressed government study. The previously unpublished study, written five years after the 1967 crisis, found that vaccines would failed to halt the spread of the virus in most outbreaks. On the other hand, foot and mouth has some benefits. It would, for example, encourage farmers to develop local markets - "the only strategy that makes both economic and environmental sense".

Commuters angrily condemn striking Tube workers as another stoppage caused widespread disruption. Any support for the action, called by union leaders on "safety" grounds, evaporated amid angry scenes with police called to calm the situation at one station.

Walking to work this morning, Mayor Ken Livingstone said he believed in the "right of people to withdraw their labour". Scores of stations were closed throughout London and at 8am only 31 trains were running out of a possible 475. Roads into London this morning were hit "more severely this time, with lots of heavy traffic". Vehicles were brought to a standstill in much of central London. By 4pm traffic was already building up as commuters set off home early.

The scene this morning at Victoria, with huge bus queues spilling on to the road, was repeated at other mainline stations. Many commuters took London Underground's advice and joined the procession walking to work. The Docklands Light Railway ran an extended morning rush-hour service, with extra trains on standby throughout the day.

Mike Brown, LU's customer services director, said: "This is an unnecessary strike which follows an unwillingness by the RMT to negotiate with us. This is not about safety." The London Chamber of Commerce estimates today's strike has cost businesses tens of millions of pounds in revenue losses and wasted time.

Embattled Europe minister Keith Vaz went to hospital after collapsing in his office following a television interview. The foreign office said he passed out and was advised by paramedics to have a hospital check-up. Mr Vaz is facing a second parliamentary inquiry into his links with the controversial Hinduja brothers, and was yesterday criticised by a Commons committee for failing to fully grasp the details of Britain's Balkans policy. We find this latter a bit rich, as no-one, least of all Foreign Minister Robin Crook, understands the Balkans policy. Unless, that is, the policy is so simple it doesn't exist. We're not convinced.

Israel stages helicopter strikes against Yasser Arafat's elite forces, leaving the Palestinian leader's headquarters blazing. At least two Palestinians died when Israel retaliated for the deaths of a baby girl and two teenagers. It's widely accepted that Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is courting disaster if, emboldened by US indulgence, he believes that he can strike at Palestinian targets with impunity in retaliation for attacks on Israel. Furthermore, until Israel brings its wayward army into line, efforts to claim the moral high ground will always be humbug.

With the election expected to be declared any day now, a Times/MORI poll shows support for Labour is unchanged at 50%, while support for the Tories is up just one point to 31%, despite the foot and mouth epidemic. Compounding the Tory leader's woes, one of his top aides, Ceri Evans, defects to Labour. Boris Johnson, a Tory candidate, flays the Sun and other papers for spouting "the ridiculous assertion" that international confidence in Britain depends on a May 3 election. MPs are ready to snap because of election tension. Unless they know the date soon, some of them will be found naked under Westminster Bridge, painted bright green, and claiming to hear messages from giant talking pigs. Which would mark no change from usual.

With a vacuum in power, the US will not implement the Kyoto agreement on climate change as it would not serve American interests. Millions of people face the loss of their homes because of climate change, but these short-sighted politicians clearly couldn't care less.

Weather: Sunny for most of the day. 12.

Just sticking to the bare facts... pack van, leave home, visit PC store. They're holding a free draw, win a PIV, which turns out to be a Pentium IV, not a false market maker missing a letter. We don't win, but do get a free pen, free mug, and (yes!) it's half full with chocolate. I'm impressed. Oh, and get what we went in for, a chair for my PC.

Then to a well-known Swedish furniture store for a bed, table, and chairs. We stop off for a coffee. It's cold, tastes like dishwater.

Call the solicitor just before going for lunch, everything's gone through OK.

After lunch, call the estate agents. They're waiting key release from the solicitors, but should get it on the hour, and we'll arrive after that. Press on.

By the time we arrive, we've got the legal clearance, but no keys. They're still at the new house.

So, off to the new house, and find the people who used to live there still moving out. Turns out that the solicitors for the people they're buying from wouldn't release the keys till 2, in spite of the previous occupant leaving the country last weekend. Blighters.

However, we move the bedding and some of the stuff in.

The leaderless US government is under heavy fire for its decision to withdraw US consent from the Kyoto agreement on measures to reduce global warming. The illegal decision is clearly appalling, and America is beginning to resemble the ultimate rogue state. The USA, with 4% of the world's population, produces a quarter of all greenhouse gases.

The long-awaited report on frauds committed by Robert Maxwell lays out only modest proposals for reforms of financial institutions. The inspectors rebuke a large number of financial advisers for failing to do more to prevent Maxwell's crimes. But the report is likely to provoke debate about whether its own remedies go far enough.

Oasis stars Noel and Liam Gallagher are strapped for cash. They have had to dispense with £2000 a day chauffeur drive limousine, and are instead getting around by train.
Marks and Spencer is trying to revive its flagging fortunes by sacking 4400 employees and withdrawing from overseas markets. It's Old-style Marksism.

Weather: Some sunshine, some showers. 15.

Former Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic vows "not to be taken alive". A showdown at his palatial residence in a Belgrade suburb began in the early hours as Yugoslav authorities tried to bring the former president to justice. Following the initial, failed, raid on Milosevic's home, police officials met him and presented him with the arrest warrant. But he refused to "recognise these police and these authorities, all of them being NATO servants".
Local media reports say 20 hard-line Milosevic supporters are prepared to resist any such operation. Shortly after dawn, a few unidentified gunmen in plain clothes appeared on the roof of the villa in Belgrade. Mr Milosevic is reported to be under siege in the villa after refusing to recognise a warrant for his arrest following a gun battle.

Charles Kennedy calls for there to be no election in May. The Liberal Democrat leader becomes the last major party leader, other than PM Blah, to recognise the folly of a May date.

David Rocastle, the former Arsenal and Leeds midfielder, has died at the age of 33 from cancer. He was diagnosed with non–Hodgkin's lymphoma, which attacks the immune system, in February and underwent a course of chemotherapy, but died last night in hospital.
Rocastle played for Arsenal, Leeds, Manchester City and Chelsea and also represented England. He made his name at Arsenal where he won the League Championship in 1989 and 1991 as well as picking up a League Cup winners' medal in 1987. He was capped 14 times by England. Chelsea loaned him out to Norwich before he had a spell at Hull City. He most recently played club football in Malaysia. Rocastle leaves a wife Janet and three children.

Football: Man United suffers a 2-0 defeat at Liverpool, the first time the Merseysiders have done the double over their near neighbours since 1979. Steven Gerrard and Robbie Fowler find the net.
Arsenal closes the gap after beating Spurs 2-0; the dress-rehearsal for next week's FA Cup semifinal lacked the usual passion of a north London derby. After a series of near misses, Robert Pires cut in from the left and fired in a right-foot shot past Neil Sullivan in the 70th minute; Thierry Henry skipped through the Spurs defence for an excellent second three minutes from time.
Bradford and Newcastle drew 2-2; Bradford's 2-0 lead after 10 minutes goes to a Newcastle side that didn't give up. Coventry scored the first win of the millennium, 2-0 over Derby, thanks to goals from Hadji and Hartson. Man City drop into the relegation mire further, losing 3-1 to Aston Villa.
In other matches, Chelsea beat Middlesborough 2-1, Leeds win 2-0 at Sunderland, Everton triumphs 2-0 at West Ham.
Charlton beat Leicester 2-0 in Sunday's match; Ipswich won 3-0 at Southampton on Monday.

League tables:
1 (1) Man Utd pl 31 - 70
2 (2) Arsenal    31 - 57
3 (3) Ipswich    31 - 52
4 (5) Leeds      31 - 50
5 (6) Liverpool  29 - 49
6 (4) Sunderland 31 - 48

17 (17) Middlesborough 31 - 31
18 (18) Man City       31 - 27
19 (19) Coventry       31 - 24
20 (20) Bradford       30 - 18

Tracker points:
1 (1) MUN 1208
2 (2) ARS 1113
3 (4) LEE 1105
4 (6) LIV 1086
5 (3) SOT 1059
6 (7) CHE 1058

16 (15) WHM 920
17 (17) NWC 920
18 (19) COV 895
19 (18) MCY 870
20 (20) BRA 841

Weather: Sunny for much of the day, though clouding over just before dusk. 15.

The move completes, picking up the washing machine and dryer, and installing the essentials (stereo, PC, telly.) Everything except the phone, which won't be in until Tuesday. It's very, very tiring work.

Former Yugoslav president Slobodan Milosevic surrenders to police. He's now in custody, charged with illegaly enriching himself while in office at the expense of the nation. The UN tribunal in The Hague will have to wait while the domestic matters are settled.

Tony Blair is expected to postpone the local elections scheduled for May 3. This will effectively rule out the date for a proposed national election.

A fascinating Brazilian Grand Prix. Juan Pablo Montoya makes a breathtaking manouvre to overtake Michael Schumacher and lead for half the race, only for Jos Verstappen to climb over his backside and take both cars out of the race. Schuey inherits the lead, only to lose it when he's passed by David Coulthard in the aftermath of a sharp shower. Promising young German Nick Heidfeld scores his first podium finish in a season and a bit of competition.

Chart News

As you were in the US, as "Butterfly" returns to the top of the Hot 100, and "This I Promise You" regains pole position on the Adult Contemporary list. Herasey schmoozes to the top of the UK album chart, joining Hanson as the only acts to have the #1 single and #1 album with their debuts.

Personal Airplay Stats: Thanks to the move putting me out of earshot after Thursday, just 36 contemporary hit records passed my radar this week (63 last), for a total of 53 plays (100 last.)

Debuts:
"Get Over Yourself" - Eden's Crush (US Popstars)
"Wherever You Are" - Neil Finn (AC, Mar 26)

Adds:
None.

Most Heard:
Four plays for "Butterfly" and "Here With Me." On consistency, Dido takes the title of record.

LW	TW	wks		pk
2	1	13	It Wasn't Me Shaggy feat Rick Rock	1
Like a ping-pong ball in a bucket of water, Shaggy bobs back to pole position. That makes a total of four weeks, and with the single still selling by the bucket load, there's a strong chance this will still be around when "Angel" gets released.
1	2	3	Pure And Simple Herasey	1
Selling half a million albums secures the #1 there, but no #1 single this week. Only Hanson has managed to place their debut single and album at the top of their respective charts. Next: how the Australian act, Bardot, fares. Their single is out next week, and I suspect it's doomed to fail.
17	3	6	Butterfly Crazy Town	3
Not only are they back to #1 in the US, they've secured the highest entry in the UK. Anyone doing well at this time is doing very well indeed.
6	4	8	Teenage Dirtbag Wheatus	2
And the belated surge to the top contines... Now risen from 8 to 4 in two weeks, and still without airplay from the main national station.
4	5	9	Whole Again Atomic Kitten	1
Also failing to get any play from Radio 1, but spending an age at the top end.
5	6	7	I'm Like A Bird Nelly Furtardo	5
There is no getting rid of these records. Not that we really want to.
9	8	4	Clint Eastwood Gorillaz	8
Another week, another climb. Still don't get it, still in the minority.
56	9	1	Salsoul Nugget M&S / The Girl Next Door	9
Hyped to the heavens by the trendies, but early indications are that this hasn't broken out of its clubbing ghetto.
Highlights
18	11	2	Rendezvous Craig David	11
16	12	3	I Wanna Be You Chocolate Puma	12
Climbs, but both highly-hyped hits are still short of the teriffic ten.
22	19	3	All For You Janet Jackson	19
We still await the release with some interest.
N	20	1	Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know Britney Spears	20
Another Britney single, another eye-popping video. This one's the one romping on a beach with an undressed male. Fun for everyone.
34	22	2	Survivor Destiny's Child	22
Up goes the airplay balloon, up goes the single.
N	25	1	Straight Up Chante Moore	25
Finally, Chante has a hit. It's been over five years since her first release, but has never broken the top end of the chart. There's a huge and wonderful back catalogue to exploit.
42	30	1	Best Friends Forever Tweenies	30
37	31	2	Hanging By A Moment Lifehouse	31
N	34	1	Since I Left You Avalanches	34
Breakthrough hit for a slightly indie band that has unfortunately skirted past my radar.
50	35	1	Want You Bad Offspring	35
N	40	1	This Is Where I Came In Bee Gees	40
This year's comeback, and thanks to radio and TV exposure, there's some expectation for this group.
N	46	0	Up On The Down Side Ocean Colour Scene	46
61	57	0	Mr DJ Breakdown	57
N	65	0	Show Me The Money Architechs	65
122	66	0	Free At Last Simon	66
N	73	0	Gonna Work It Out Hi-Gate	73
N	98	0	Wherever You Are Neil Finn	98
54	61	0	Chillin' Modjo	54
67	64	0	Lovin' Every Day Ronan Keating	64
N	68	0	What It Feels Like For A Girl Madonna	68
97	70	0	What Took You So Long? Emma Bunton	70
N	82	0	Let Love Be Your Energy Robbie Williams	82
Records on beige backgrounds are primarily scoring from UK airplay.