January 16, 1997.  Half of the first month of the new year has passed.  As usual the news involves an aide, Tammy.  Something seemed strange about her work and manners.  After I noticed about 4 fifths of my liquor was gone (that shows how infrequently I use it) Tammy was the only real suspect.  The strange manners came because she was tipsy.  She had been drinking daily while on the job.  The last two nights I had to help her get mother into her recliner.  It was hard to fire her;  she seemed so in need of help.  She admitted she had a drinking problem and realized I couldn't keep her.  I couldn't find an aide that could take Tammy's four days plus the day created by Anne taking early social security.  So, I hired two aides, Kandy Strong and Mariah Monosmith.  They've been here two weeks and seem to do well;  they all do the first two weeks;  we'll see.

There is no noticeable change in mother.  I was concerned because she seemed to almost stop eating for a day or two, then the next two days she ate very well.  It's sad to think back on all she has gone through the last 7 to 8 years.

February 24, 1997.  It was no surprise nor disappointment to have Kandy quit.  I've hired a young mother of 2 (divorced or separated?) name Leitha.  I'm not even going to venture a judgment;  time will tell.  Mariah is still here and seems to be interested in doing well.

There has been a noticeable change in mother. For the last few weeks it's been impossible to get a reaction from her.  Before this I could always, with patience, get her to react by trying to talk to me and especially to get her to grin and laugh.  Hopefully this will change in a few days.  I will ask the fellows at the support group about this phase.  Dave & Diane have been cross country skiing near Penticton.  They're missed but I'm glad they get away for R & R.

April 2, 1997.  It was wonderful to see Dan and his great family.  Mother seemed to be stimulated by their being here.  Because mother's eyes are closed most of the time it is difficult to know what she's feeling.  On leaving they all said good bye to mother and I went out to see them off.  When I came back in the house mother's eyes were open and I told her they had to go back to their home in Colorado, her chin trembled and then she sobbed softly.  The first sounds she has made in some time.  Truly she understood and felt deeply.  Why must someone so good, kind and loving to all be subjected to this?  Whatever glimmer of faith I ever had in a caring, loving deity has vanished completely.

Mariah quit, says she was caring too big a load, which was true.  Her other job was more in the nature of being a companion;  much easier.  Leitha volunteered to take her days.  Now she finds it necessary to cut back.  Today a new gal, Pat Nielsen.  Her first day was dismal.  The accumulation of the frustration of endlessly searching for yet another aide who will most likely be incredibly incompetent or quit after a few weeks got me down today;  can't remember when I felt so low.  Adding to the feeling was mother's failure to eat more than 6 spoonsful of her dinner, which was one her own old recipes;  green beans, ground beef, tater tots and celery soup.  Part of the problem was Pat's way of feeding mother.  Mother's dinner ended by drinking a can of Ensure;  no one ever got well or strong drinking that concoction.  Tomorrow Anne will be here.  I know mother will respond to the better care and love that Anne provides.  It helped to have Dave and Diane stop in and put mother to bed.  Today it surely seemed like mother had run out of energy.  Sad.

April 30, 1997.   About 10 days ago Kris Hunt, COPE's director, called and wanted to know if it would be OK to send a reporter and photographer to present the care of an A's patient in the home.  Kris has been a great help, so I couldn't refuse.  There was a big spread in the April 21, 1997 issue.  It was well done, it had a sensitive touch.  The World supplied 20 extra copies which I sent to relatives and close friends.  Numerous people wrote or called expressing their feelings.  It may encourage more people to care for their loved ones at home.

Fortunately, Pat quit.  Kris sent another aide, Gina.  So far a big improvement over Pat.  Hope it stays that way.  There is no noticeable change in mother.

May 26, 1997.  May has about passed, including our birthdays;  No. 87.  After 86 birthdays they don't seem very important or eventful days.  Mother continues much the same;  perhaps a bit more withdrawn.  She continues to eat well when Ann is feeding her;  not so well when the others are feeding her.  Gina is getting noticeably better in her care giving.  She is also attending classes to get her CNA, that may explain some of her improvement.  Leitha is moving to Spokane sometime within the next 4 weeks, she has been here 3 months.  I called Maria and she is willing and able to take Leitha's place.  We'll see.

Had a pleasant and surprise visit from Sara and friend Paul.  Marriage is in the offing.  Sara has moved ahead in her job, as is to be expected for she is a multitalented person.  I appreciate her visits considering her distance from Wenatchee, she is always upbeat and interested in affairs of the nation as well as in our condition.  Eric also keeps in touch regularly. Wants to play tennis with me next week;  I'll settle for being able to walk to the courts.

Next week I'm scheduled for a check up with Dr. Kjobech;  we'll see.

June 28, 1997.  Dr. Kjobech started me on a daily program of Vespid at $36 per pill.  A ten-dose prescription cost me $360.  I decided that's all I'll take.  Strong complaints to my HMO and Dave's contact with the pharmacy resulted in Medicare picking up the cost;  I decided to take another dose of 10.  Unlike the usual chemotherapy this is benign;  no side effects.  Not sure if they are reducing the lymph nodes.  This prompted me to buy a niche in a mausoleum, Evergreen Memorial Park in E. Wenatchee.  This is really a backup in case there is a problem getting our ashes to Medicine Lake Lodge Condominium.  I also thought I should make tentative arrangements for mother at Parkside Nursing Home, in case I check out.  When I mentioned this to Dave and Diane the reaction was immediate and vociferous:  NO WAY WILL MOTHER GO TO A NURSING HOME.  Diane said, "We have the skill, the money and the love;  we'll take care of her."  Dave said that if necessary he would take a leave of absence.  They really jumped on me;  it brought tears of pride and joy.  Two incredibly giving souls.

As far as I can tell the lymph nodes haven't got bigger in the past three weeks.  I see Dr. K. Monday.  I note again that mother's eating, chewing and swallowing, is slowly becoming more and more difficult.  I had lunch with the support group (three left, including me, from the original ten) both lost their wives and were told the body doesn't call for food so the eating stops.  It's sad to watch.

The continuing aide problem seems trivial;  but it really isn't.  Gina quit and I fired Maria.  Not sure why Gina quit.  She got a full time job at a nursing home, maybe that was all she could handle.  I fired Maria because she was so unreliable and lied about reasons for not coming.  Hired Michele and looking for another.  Diane helped out Friday and Saturday;  on crutches!

August 18, 1997.  The turmoil with the aides stirred up my ulcer but Pepcid is truly a wonder drug;  all's calm and quiet.  Hired one more aide and, I hate to say it, she (Patricia Davis) has been a gem in the two weeks she's been here.  I'll keep my fingers crossed.  Mother has been less and less responsive.  I used to be able to always make her laugh, now it is very seldom she will respond.  I hope she responds when Dan and Joanna come for a visit.

September 12, 1997.  It was great seeing Dan and Joanna gain. Joanna has become, as expected, a beautiful, bright, caring and good person.  Dan brought a computer he had assembled from various systems.  When asked if it's an IBM or Apple I answer, "It's an Eclectic".  Gradually I'm getting able to use some of its functions;  like what I'm doing now.  Patty has been here more than a month and continues to be a very competent, dependable and caring aide.  I don't think that will change, she is that kind of person.  The last few days mother's eating has fallen off but I notice that is often mentioned in this log;  then she has a spurt where eating and alertness improve.  Hope it does again.  In a week Dave and Diane will leave for a three week rafting trip on the Colorado.  Diane's broken leg still bothers her and Dave had a bad spill on his bike.  His shoulder was banged up and a nerve or muscle that controls eye movement was damaged and he finds it difficult to focus his eyes.  Sure hope they have a good time.  Jerry will be here most of that time;  look forward to that.  Had a check up this week and Dr. Kjobech says everything looks great.  I feel fine.

September 19, 1997.  Dave and Diane were over tonight to put mother to bed and to say good bye;  tomorrow they leave for their long-awaited rafting trip down the Colorado River and through the Grand Canyon.  They are both in less than good condition;  Diane with a cast on her leg and Dave with double vision and very sore shoulder.  The three weeks away may do a great deal to help both of them.  It was sad to see them go, they provide an unmatched, unselfish support for all of us, so they will be deeply missed.  I'm glad they have this chance.  Jerry will be here in a week to make things easier for all of us.  I speak of "all of us" because we now have a team (Anne and Patty) giving mother the very best of care.

November 29, 1997.  Thanksgiving came and went.  We had a Tyson roasted chicken;  it's very good.  As always the visit by Sara and Paul was most pleasant.  Sara sat on the bed and talked to her grandma for some time and then had Paul say something in Polish.  I hope mother got the message.  Eric and Ivy also visited and as they often do they bring food;  they should go into the catering business.  Enjoyed their food and especially their visit.

December 12, 1997.  Blame the almost three month break on Dan and the aides Ann and Patty.  Dan because he set up the new computer and mother's log on the old computer was lost (to me) in the transfer.  Tonight, via an E-mail message from Dan, the lost has been found.  Never really lost, just that the computer is like the black hole;  things enter but can't escape.  The aides are also responsible because for over four months there has been no change;  a record.  Both are doing very well;  I count my blessings.

Mother has shown very little change over the long period.  There are ups and downs some days but over all very little change in three months.  The big Chelan County social event was the marriage of Sara and Paul;  two caring and talented people.  The ceremony was the usual but the mountains and trees made for a striking setting.

Met with the Alzheimer's support group today and was told the group started with 14 (nine when I joined);  mother is the only survivng patient.  Gordon Irby, Joe Charlton and I are the only surviving spouses.  Old age is not an exhilarating time.

December 31, 1997.  The good news as 1997 ends is the aide situation.  After many trials and an equal number of failures we finally have two aides who are competent, dependable and caring;  Anne Canfield and Patty Davis.  They have a real rapport with mother and a genuine love for her.  They were overwhelmed by the Christmas gift they received from Dave, Jerry and Dan.  Had a Christmas call from Sara and a Hickory Farm package from Eric and Ivy, which I opened on New Years Day and welcomed in 1988 with a glass of wine and goodies from Hickory Farm as I watched the Cougars lose a tough game to Michigan.  That over, I'll start reading the books from Jerry and Sarah.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A FULFILLING NEW YEAR TO ALL