I have just lived through a miracle! After an extremely frustrating search, I suddenly found my birthmother by several strokes of luck. I called her on October 24, and we were reunited in person on December 10, 1998, one day after my 31st birthday!!!
Joan came from Canada to Washington for three days. The meeting at the airport was extraordinary. I have never cried such tears of joy. We just stared at each other, amazed at how much we looked alike. We kept staring at each other the whole way home. What followed were the three most incredible days of my life. We got along so well and discovered we had endless things in common, both physically and in habits, tastes, etc. - those little things that make newly reunited so pleased. We had many long and very deep discussions which weren't always easy, but were so important to have. There was so much we needed to share and catch up on. I am thankful that Joan was so open and honest and promised to tell me anything I wanted to know. We were very respectful of each other, yet were able to be ourselves and to express and ask whatever we wanted.
As the one who was found, this has all come as a huge shock to Joan. She said that she had buried me so deeply inside that she was still very much in a state of shock over our reunion. I know this is just the beginning for her, but we have vowed to go down this road together and are very committed to each other. She is a beautiful, wonderful person, and I adore her. I'm going to Canada in a few weeks to visit her, and to see that land from which I came.
Joan and Laura Lee, sightseeing together in Washington, DC.
Read on to discover how Laura Lee successfully completed her very complicated search. For those of you attempting a search on your own, you may find this information helpful and encouraging. Each search is so very different, and the amount of information given by each state after a petition can vary greatly. It is UNCOMMON to get one's entire file, even with the names blocked out.
MY SEARCH
The search for my birthmother lasted nearly eight months. It was nothing but dead ends for most of that time, as none of the leads I followed panned out. Then I found my first clue and had her phone number within 48 hours after the searcher in Canada started making some phone calls!
I obtained my non-identifying information from the Texas Department of Health in February 1998. In Texas, they send you your whole file with all the names crossed out. So I had about 80 pages of very interesting information, but it was also very frustrating not being able to see the names of my own parents. I learned many facts I had never known from the file, including medical history, my mother's profession (nursing) and other details.
Most touching was a letter from my birthmother written to the agency shortly after my birth inquiring about my health. Most surprising was the fact that she was not American. Both of my birthparents were Canadian, but residing in Texas at the time of my birth. So my search was unexpectedly taking me out of the US! The saving grace in my search was that there were several places in those 80 pages where my mother's name was not crossed out, so I did have a name. The problem was, I could tell from the letter than my mother had returned to Canada, but there was no indication anywhere of where she was from in Canada. So I had a name and a country!
I tried a number of things in Texas, including nursing school registrations, hospitals, etc., but there were no signs of her. I tried nursing associations in Canada, researched Jewish summer camps in Canada (she had worked at one when she was pregnant with me), contacted Episcopal churches in Texas, used all sorts of adoption and genealogical sites on the Internet, all to no avail. Nothing I tried panned out.
Finally, I found a group in Canada called Parentfinders who suggested I write to all the major libraries in Canada and request city directories from the 1960's with listings of my mother's last name. I received replies to my request very quickly (except for one) and though there were a few matches to her first and last name, the profession did not match. The one place I had not heard from was Halifax. I finally called them and discovered they had misplaced my request. When I received the information, I had my very first clue! There was a listing for a person with her name who was a nurse in the 60's! I did everything I could to pursue that lead. I contacted Parentfinders in Halifax and they made some calls and had her phone number in 48 hours! They managed to trace her through some relatives who currently have my birthmother's maiden name.
As frustrating as the searching was at times, I of course would not trade it for the world. The lesson I learned is to never give up. There are ways to find people and you WILL FIND who you are looking for. It just might be in the most unexpected way. There are many resources out there to help you, so just keep trying!