Archmage - Real Men, Roleplayers, Loonies & Munchkins
By Jeff Okamoto, Sandy Petersen, and lots of others
The whole thing started around 1983 or so at a party at Pacificon at
the Dunfey Hotel in San Mateo in which the idea came up of classifying the
different styles of roleplaying. They came up with four different types,
which are explained below. Special credit goes to Perry Caro, Chris
Guthrie, Rick Heli, Robert Allen, and Ken Kaufman, to name a few.
The Real Man:
The tough macho type who walks up to the attacking dragon and orders
it to leave before he gets hurt.
The Roleplayer:
The intelligent cunning guy who tricks the constable into letting you
all out of prison.
The Loonie:
The guy who will do anything for a cheap laugh, including casting a
fireball at ground zero.
The Munchkin:
Need we say more?
Player Relationships
REAL MEN:
Real Men think they're brothers in arms.
Roleplayers hide behind them.
Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions.
Munchkins say ``I'm a Real Man, too!''
ROLEPLAYERS:
Real Men protect them, on the off chance they may come up with
something useful.
Roleplayers sigh with relief to know they're not alone,
and then get their characters involved in love affairs
and death feuds.
Loonies harass them with stupid suggestions.
Munchkins say ``I'm a Roleplayer, too!''
LOONIES:
Real Men ignore them.
Roleplayers sometimes harass them back by taking a
stupid suggestion and making it work.
Loonies declare a pie fight at 20 paces . . . and cheat.
Munchkins try to imitate the jokes, and fall flat.
MUNCHKINS:
Real Men attack them on sight.
Roleplayers trick them into being cannon fodder.
Loonies make reasonable-sounding suggestions that will get
the Munchkin killed in an amusing way.
Munchkins query, ``What's a Munchkin?''
Over-all
Favorite FRPG:
Real Men play original Dungeons & Dragons
Roleplayers play RuneQuest III
Loonies play Toon
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite SFRPG:
Real Men play Star Trek: The Roleplaying Game
Roleplayers play Space Opera
Loonies play Teenagers From Outer Space
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite Post-Holocaust RPG:
Real Men play Twilight 2000
Roleplayers play The Morrow Project
Loonies play Paranoia
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite 1920's RPG:
Real Men play Gangbusters
Roleplayers play Call of Cthulhu
Loonies play a variant Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite SHRPG:
Real Men play Champions
Roleplayers play Superworld
Loonies play an extremely variant Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite modern day/spy RPG:
Real Men play James Bond, 007
Roleplayers play Justice, Inc.
Loonies play an unrecognizable variant Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite King Arthurian RPG:
Real Men play Chivalry and Sorcery
Roleplayers play Pendragon
Loonies play an extremely unrecognizable variant of Spawn of Fashan
Munchkins play anything by TSR
Favorite Silly RPG:
Real Men play Macho Women With Guns.
Roleplayers play Toon/TFOS
Loonies play them all, often simultaneously
Munchkins don't like silly RPG's.
Favorite Attack Style:
Real Men Shout their war cry, and wade into battle.
Roleplayers parry, counterattack and protect comrade's backs.
Loonies throw their sword at opponant, then attack with scabbard
and lunchbox.
Munchkins leap in with secret 'twisted lotus' ninja decapitation strike.
Favorite Way to Die:
Real Men in battle, with boots on, going down swinging.
Roleplayers on deathbead, after lengthy dramatic farewell speech.
Loonies laughing while jumping into a portable hole, and carrying a
bag of holding.
Munchkins Die? You're kidding, right?
Usual Residence:
Real Men wherever he hangs up his two-hander
Roleplayers Elsinor
Loonies Toontown
Munchkins Valhalla (after kicking out previous occupants)
Favorite Gaming Magazine:
Real Men read The General
Roleplayers read White Wolf
Loonies read the last few pages of Dragon
Munchkins read anything by TSR
Fantasy
Favorite Dungeon Activity
Real Men fight Dragons as old as the world itself
Roleplayers bluff the Ogres
Loonies tell dirty jokes to Green Slime
Munchkins do whatever gives the most experience/rip each other off
Favorite Melee Weapon:
Real Men use Pole Axes
Roleplayers use Rapiers and Main-Gauches
Loonies use Stage Knives
Munchkins use whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Thrown Weapon:
Real Men throw Spears
Roleplayers throw Bolas
Loonies throw their friends' magic items
Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Missile Weapon:
Real Men shoot Composite Bows
Roleplayers shoot Crossbows
Loonies shoot Catapults loaded with offal
Munchkins shoot whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Improvised Weapon in Barroom Brawl:
Real Men use bare hands/tables
Roleplayers use chairs, chair legs or pokers
Loonies use plastic Pepsi bottles or toothpaste
Munchkins use, you guessed it, whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Improvised Thrown Weapons:
Real Men throw Munchkins
Roleplayers throw beer mugs, pool balls and rocks
Loonies throw Nerf frisbees
Munchkins throw whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite RQ3 Spirit Spell:
Real Men cast Bladesharp 10 on their swords
Roleplayers cast Demoralize on their foes
Loonies cast Befuddle on their friends
Munchkins cast Fireball
Favorite RQ3 Sorcery Spell:
Real Men cast Dominate Human on others
Roleplayers cast Damage Resistance on their familiars/themselves
Loonies cast Dominate Human on themselves
Munchkins cast Meteor Swarm
Favorite RQ3 Divine Spell:
Real Men cast Berserker on themselves
Roleplayers cast Heal Body
Loonies cast Face Chaos on the Crimson Bat
Munchkins cast Timestop
Favorite Alignment:
Real Men are Lawful Good
Roleplayers don't use alignment
Loonies are Amoral Silly
Munchkins are whatever gives the most plusses
Favorite Religious-type Character:
Real Men play Paladins
Roleplayers play Clerics
Loonies play street preachers
Munchkins play Demigods
Favorite Non-Human PC:
Real Men play Dwarfs
Roleplayers play Morokanths
Loonies play a Dwarf-Elf halfbreed
Munchkins play Asmodeus
Favorite Undead to Summon:
Real Men summon Ghosts
Roleplayers summon Wraiths
Loonies send in an AD&D troll wearing a sheet
Munchkins summon Cerberus
Favorite Way of Extracting Information from the Goblins:
Real Men torture them
Roleplayers cast Legend Lore/Telepathy/Mind Read
Loonies tell puns to them
Munchkins peek behind the GM's shield
Favorite Way of Dealing with a Dragon:
Real Men Slay it. Preferably alone and with bare hands.
(Is this a trick question?)
Roleplayers Con it out of all its treasure, leaving the dragon
(and the GM) thinking it got the better deal.
Loonies Summon the Sta-Puft marshmallow man.
Munchkins Kill it, make armor out of the hide, and then resurrect
it as a familiar.
Favorite Demon/Devil:
Real Men like Asmodeus
Roleplayers like Cacodemon
Loonies like Spiro Agnew
Munchkins like Satan's grandfather
Favorite God:
Real Men worship Humakt/Orlanth
Roleplayers worship Issaries/Lhankor Mhy
Loonies worship Hare Krishna
Munchkins worship whoever gives the most plusses
Favorite Shield:
Real Men wield two-handed weapons
Roleplayers use a Kite Shield
Loonies use a panty shield
Munchkins use a Shield of Automatic Parry
Favorite Mount:
Real Men ride heavy war horses
Roleplayers ride palfreys
Loonies ride sheep
Munchkins ride heavy war tyrannosauri
Favorite NPC:
Real Men like Tarl Cabot
Roleplayers like Medea
Loonies like Doctor Who
Munchkins like Darth Vader/Teela Brown
Favorite Animal to use as a Familiar:
Real Men have Black Cats
Roleplayers have Owls
Loonies have Slugs
Munchkins have Ancient Red Dragons
Favorite Kind of Elf:
Real Men like the Pinis' elves
Roleplayers like Tolkien's elves
Loonies like Santa's elves
Munchkins like Storm Giants with pointed ears
Favorite Kind of Dwarf:
Real Men like Tolkien's Dwarfs
Roleplayers like Glorantha's Dwarfs
Loonies like the Seven Dwarfs
Munchkins like Earth Elementals with beards
Favorite Food to take on Expeditions:
Real Men bring along iron rations
Roleplayers cast create food and drink
Loonies bring along aluminum rations
Munchkins no longer need food to live
Favorite Fantasy Author:
Real Men read J.R.R. Tolkien ``Lord of the Rings''
Roleplayers read Robert Asprin's ``Thieves' World'' series
Loonies read Robert Asprin's ``Myth'' series
Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax
When they encounter a sleeping dragon:
Real Men wake it up and THEN attack it.
Roleplayers sneak away quietly.
Loonies tie its shoelaces together.
Munchkins kill it instantly and then carry off all its treasure in one
backpack
Favorite Town Activity:
Real Men drink ale in the tavern and start bar fights.
Roleplayers drink wine in the tavern and talk to everyone.
Loonies order watermelon daquiris and start food fights.
Munchkins say ``What's a town?''
Favorite World/Setting:
Real Men play in Sanctuary
Roleplayers play in Glorantha
Loonies play in Southern California
Munchkins play wherever has the most magic items
Science Fiction
Favorite Science Fiction Weapon:
Real Men use Laser Pistols/Blasters/Light Sabers
Roleplayers use Stun Guns/Tanglers
Loonies use Thermonuclear Hand Grenades/Tripod Flamers
Munchkins use smart bombs
Favorite Method of Handling Alien Monster:
Real Men drive off the Bug-Eyed Monsters invading the Earth
Roleplayers negotiate with the refugees from the evil Empire
Loonies hitch a ride with Vogons
Munchkins invade the BEMs' home planet and enslave them all
Favorite Science Fiction Movie:
Real Men watch the Star Wars films
Roleplayers watch ``2001: A Space Odyssey/2010: Odyssey Two''
Loonies watch ``Spaceballs''
Munchkins watch Star Trek-The Motion Picture
Favorite Method of Space Travel:
Real Men use Hyperspace/Warp Drive
Roleplayers use suspended animation
Loonies use the Infinite Improbability Drive
Munchkins push the button and it goes
Favorite Star to Put a Colony Around:
Real Men colonize Beta Lyrae
Roleplayers colonize Alpha Centauri
Loonies colonize Cygnus X-1
Munchkins colonize wherever gives the most plusses
Favorite Science Fiction Author:
Real Men read Isaac Asimov
Roleplayers read Arthur C. Clarke
Loonies read Douglas Adams
Munchkins read E. Gary Gygax
Favorite Monster:
Real Men like the Alien
Roleplayers like the Moties
Loonies like the beach ball from Dark Star
Munchkins like E.T.
Favorite Variant Human:
Real Men play Heavy Worlders
Roleplayers play Light Worlders/Spacers
Loonies play Sex Androids
Munchkins play Enhanced Humans with all the advantages
AD&D
Favorite Spell:
Real Men cast Fireball
Roleplayers cast Find the Path
Loonies cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking
Munchkins cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace
Favorite Psionic Ability:
Real Men use Body Weaponry
Roleplayers use Shape Alteration
Loonies use Sea Anemone Hypnosis
Munchkins use Assume Godhood
Favorite Specialist Mage:
Real Men If they have to play a mage, they'll be an Invoker w/ lots
of fireballs
Roleplayers play Enchanters
Loonies play Illusionists with ventriloquism, audible glamer, and
spectral force; Conjurers specializing in create banana peel spell;
or transmuters specializing in polymorph self into a random object
Munchkins: a multi-classed abjurer/conjurer/diviner/enchanter
/illusionist/invoker/necromancer/transmuter
Favorite Miscellaneous Magic Item:
Real Men love Adamantine Claws
Roleplayers love Repulsor Rays
Loonies love +3 Kleenex
Munchkins love Uru's Hammer
Favorite Potion:
Real Men drink potions of Superheroism
Roleplayers drink potions of Animal/Plant Control
Loonies drink potions of Jell-O
Munchkins drink potions of Deity Control
Favorite Ring:
Real Men wear rings of Elemental Control
Roleplayers wear rings of Free Action
Loonies wear rings of Smurf Control
Munchkins wear the One Ring
Favorite Stick (Rod/Staff/Wand):
Real Men wield staves of Striking
Roleplayers wield wands of Healing
Loonies wield shower curtain rods
Munchkins wield the Wand of Orcus
Favorite Armor:
Real Men wear Plate Mail
Roleplayers wear Elven Chainmail
Loonies wear Horse Barding
Munchkins wear powered armor
Favorite Helm:
Real Men wear a Helm of Brilliance
Roleplayers wear a Helm of Telepathy
Loonies wear a Helm of Blindness (``Works great against medusas'')
Munchkins wear a Helm of 360-Degree Vision with Force Field
Favorite Glove/Gauntlet:
Real Men fight bare-handed
Roleplayers wear Gloves of Dexterity
Loonies wear THE Glove of Michael Jackson Charisma
Munchkins wear Gauntlets of Infinite Ring-Wearing
Favorite Footwear:
Real Men wear Seven League Boots
Roleplayers wear Boots of Stealth
Loonies wear bunny slippers
Munchkins wear Boots of Infinite Speed
Miscellaneous
Favorite Bar to Hang Out In:
Real Men hang out at the Vulgar Unicorn
Roleplayers hang out at the White Hart
Loonies hang out at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe/
the Floating Vagabond
Munchkins hang out wherever they don't get carded
Favorite Superhero:
Real Men like Batman (The Dark Knight)
Roleplayers like Jericho/Sandman
Loonies like Bat-Mite/Flaming Carrot/Cutey Bunny
Munchkins like Galactus
Favorite Modern weapon:
Real Men use .44 Magnums
Roleplayers use Walther PPKs
Loonies use water pistols
Munchkins use Infinite-Repeating Uzis
Favorite Actor:
Real Men like John Wayne
Roleplayers like Claus Kinski
Loonies like Curly
Munchkins watch Saturday-morning cartoons
Favorite Actor to play James Bond:
Real Men like Sean Connery
Roleplayers like George Lazenby
Loonies like David Niven
Munchkins like Roger Moore
Favorite Card Game:
Real Men play Gin
Roleplayers play Bridge
Loonies play Fizzbin/Fungus and Fruitbats
Munchkins cheat at Go Fish
Favorite Music:
Real Men listen to Led Zeppelin
Roleplayers listen to 14th-century madrigals
Loonies listen to Weird Al Yankovic
Munchkins watch MTV
Favorite Magazine:
Real Men read Soldier of Fortune and argue about whether the ads
are real.
Roleplayers read the Journal of Abnormal Psychology and argue
about the point value of disadvantages.
Loonies read National Lampoon and bitch about how it's gone downhill.
Munchkins read comic books and argue about whether Spider-Man
should have married MJ.
Favorite Convention Activity:
Real Men ``Do the Dealer's Room''/hang out in the con suite
Roleplayers go to seminars/hide in their rooms and play games
Loonies play video games/do hoax zines
Munchkins run and shout and cut in lines
Favorite Gaming Awards:
Real Men vote for the (new) Charles Roberts awards from 3W
Roleplayers vote for the Origins Awards
Loonies come in at the end of the Origins ceremony to vote
on the Silver Hatchets
Munchkins vote for the Strategists Club awards
Opinion of Board Games:
Real Men love them
Roleplayers think they don't offer enough options
Loonies like to mix and match
Munchkins can't figure out the rules
Favorite Type of Dice:
Real Men like 20-siders
Roleplayers use three 6-siders
Loonies use 34-sided for everything
Munchkins have them all, and like to roll as many as possible
Call of Cthulhu
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men love the challenge of fighting the creatures
Roleplayers love the challenge of avoiding the creatures
Loonies love the insanities
Munchkins think you should be able to play Great Old Ones
Favorite Skill:
Real Men like Shotgun
Roleplayers like Library Use
Loonies like Head Butt
Munchkins like Credit Rating
Favorite Spell:
Real Men cast Bless Blade
Roleplayers cast Elder Sign
Loonies cast Pipes of Madness whenever possible
Munchkins cast Control Cthulhu
Favorite Monster:
Real Men like Deep Ones
Roleplayers don't like any of them
Loonies like Masters of the Universe Slime
Munchkins like Azathoth
Favorite Type of Character to Play:
Real Men play Private Investigators
Roleplayers play Professors of Ancient Egyptian Archaeology
Loonies play Red Indian Sex Maniacs
Munchkins play Magic-Users
Paranoia
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men think the weapons are OK, but hate the background.
Roleplayers think the campaigns are too short.
Loonies think the game isn't funny enough.
Munchkins don't think the game is supposed to be funny.
Favorite Service Group:
Real Men like Armed Forces.
Roleplayers like Tech Services and CPU.
Loonies like R&D.
Munchkins like IntSec.
Favorite Secret Society:
Real Men like Anti-Mutant, Frankenstein Destroyers, and PURGE.
Roleplayers like Free Enterprise and Sierra Club.
Loonies like Corpore Metal, Death Leopard, and Mystics.
Munchkins like Psion.
Favorite Mutant Power:
Real Men like Adrenalin Control.
Roleplayers like Hypersenses.
Loonies like Project Total Chaos.
Munchkins like characters with the works.
Favorite Weapon:
Real Men like cone rifles.
Roleplayers like laser pistols.
Loonies like chainsaws and anything from R&D.
Munchkins like Plasma Generators.
Favorite Target:
Real Men shoot Commie Mutant Traitors.
Roleplayers shoot the Munchkins' characters.
Loonies shoot anything fragile-looking.
Munchkins shoot anything in sight, starting with the other PCs.
Favorite Mission:
Real Men like to hunt down Commie Mutant Traitors.
Roleplayers like to try to survive the briefing.
Loonies like to place themselves under surveillance and report
hourly.
Munchkins like to attack a rival Alpha Complex.
Teenagers From Outer Space
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men can't understand the game at all.
Roleplayers think the game is silly.
Loonies think the game is about them.
Munchkins want to play their 700-point Champions character.
Favorite Character Type:
Real Men play Near Humans.
Roleplayers play Humans.
Loonies play green fuzzy blobs that drip slime.
Munchkins play Deities.
Favorite Powers:
Real Men have Superspeed, Monster Out, and Superstrength
Roleplayers have Teleport, Deep Freeze, and Talk to Aliens.
Loonies have Bounce, Summon Pizza, and Telephone.
Munchkins have all of them.
Favorite Knacks:
Real Men like Shoot Big Raygun and Flying Saucer Piloting.
Roleplayers like Figure Things Out and Look Cool in Shades.
Loonies like Weird Science and Eat Anything.
Munchkins like Do Anything I Want.
Favorite Weapon:
Real Men like Zap Guns.
Roleplayers like Duplicator Guns.
Loonies like Goop Guns and Boy/Girl Guns.
Munchkins like AT-AT Walkers.
Favorite Transportation:
Real Men use flying saucers.
Roleplayers use the Number 42 Crosstown Expedience Route.
Loonies use Rocket Sneakers.
Munchkins use Battlestars.
Champions
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men think this is how the world *should* be.
Roleplayers think there's too much combat.
Loonies think it's a great system for simulating reality.
Munchkins think starting characters don't have enough points.
Favorite Character Type:
Real Men like Bricks.
Roleplayers like Mentalists.
Loonies like Cream-Puff Projectors.
Munchkins like visiting Gods.
Favorite Power:
Real Men like Damage Resistance.
Roleplayers like Telepathy.
Loonies like Instant Change, Usable on Others.
Munchkins like Autofire Find Weakness.
Favorite Attribute:
Real Men like Strength.
Roleplayers like Ego.
Loonies like Comeliness.
Munchkins like Speed.
Favorite Disadvantage:
Real Men like Berserk.
Roleplayers like Psychological Limitations.
Loonies like Dependency on Spinach Egg Noodles.
Munchkins like Unusual Looks.
Favorite Power Limitation:
Real Men like Always On.
Roleplayers like Limited Uses.
Loonies like Activation on 8-.
Munchkins like Focus and Multipower.
Tactics in Hostage Situations:
Real Men demonstrate what'll happen to villians who injure hostages.
Roleplayers create an illusion of the hostages getting away.
Loonies taunt the villians.
Munchkins use their 10D6 Area Effect Armor Piercing RKA on the whole
block and then resurrect the hostages
Villains and Vigilantes
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men don't like to adhere to the Superhero Code enforced by
the government.
Roleplayers join the government peacekeeping force.
Loonies represent themselves at their trials.
Munchkins are above the Superhero Code (aren't they?)
Favorite Character Type:
Real Men play 600 pound Bricks.
Roleplayers play telepaths.
Loonies play insane androids.
Munchkins play alien sorcerers.
Favorite Power:
Real Men like Invulnerability and Armor A.
Roleplayers like Psionics.
Loonies like Mutant Power.
Munchkins like Power Absorption.
Favorite Ability Score:
Real Men like Endurance.
Roleplayers like Intelligence.
Loonies like Charisma.
Munchkins like Agility.
Favorite Weakness:
Real Men like Mute.
Roleplayers like Physical Handicap.
Loonies like Psychosis.
Munchkins ``What weaknesses?''
Favorite Battle Tactics:
Real Men pound villains into the ground or throw buses.
Roleplayers wear their opponents down before finishing them off.
Loonies dump a bucket of Cool Whip on a villain's head and talk about
Planet of the Apes.
Munchkins negate their friend's attacks so they get all the experience
themselves.
Favorite Combat Maneuver:
Real Men like the Fastball Special.
Roleplayers like to trick villains into attacking each other
instead of the heroes.
Loonies like to trick the other heroes into attacking each other
instead of the villains
Munchkins like Multiple Weakness Detection.
Favorite Canned Adventure:
Real Men like Death Duel with the Destroyers.
Roleplayers like FORCE.
Loonies like The Dawn of DNA.
Munchkins like Devil's Domain and Dawn of the Devil.
Favorite Member of the Crushers:
Real Men like Bull.
Roleplayers like FIST.
Loonies like Mocker.
Munchkins like Mercury Mercenary.
Favorite Member of the Crusaders:
Real Men like Enforcer.
Roleplayers like Dreamweaver.
Loonies like Laserfire.
Munchkins think the Crusaders are wimps.
Favorite Member of the Destroyers:
Real Men like Behemoth.
Roleplayers like Iron Maiden.
Loonies like Ratman.
Munchkins like Annihilator.
Favorite Member of the Errants:
Real Men like Adonis.
Roleplayers like Cockroach.
Loonies like Shee-Ariel.
Munchkins like Dr. DNA.
Favorite Member of the Force:
Real Men like Mister Magnum.
Roleplayers like Shadarkos.
Loonies like Cicada.
Munchkins like FORCE.
Fantasy HERO
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men like how expensive magic is.
Roleplayers don't like how expensive magic is.
Loonies like the bizzare disadvantages you can create.
Munchkins like the crossover from Champions.
Character Type:
Real Men play Dwarven Knights.
Roleplayers play Elven Mages.
Loonies play Halfling Knights.
Munchkins play their Champions characters.
Favorite Spell Limitations:
Real Men wish there weren't any, so magic would be even more
expensive.
Roleplayers like Gestures, Incantation, and Concentrate.
Loonies like Side Effects.
Munchkins use the Champions rules.
Favorite Spells:
Real Men like any kind of magic greatsword.
Roleplayers like Percieve and Illusions.
Loonies like Dominate usable on Self Only.
Munchkins like Blast, Variable Advantage, Reduced END to zero.
GURPS
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men think there aren't enough combats.
Roleplayers think there aren't enough supplements.
Loonies think there aren't enough disadvantages.
Munchkins think there aren't enough hit points.
Favorite Advantages:
Real Men like Combat Reflexes, Strong Will, High Pain Threshold and
Toughness.
Roleplayers like Charisma, Danger Sense, Empathy, Literacy and
Voice.
Loonies like Luck, Absolute Timing and Unusual Background.
Munchkins like Magery 3, Patron (God), and PK (80).
Favorite Disadvantages:
Real Men like Gigantism and Berserk
Roleplayers like Sense of Duty and Poverty
Loonies like Severe Delusions, Severe Phobias, Split Personality,
Total Pacifism and Berserk - all at the same time.
Munchkins like Enemies and Dependents (for the points).
Favorite Skills:
Real Men like Brawling, Two-Handed Sword, Broadsword and Shield.
Roleplayers like Acting, Bard, Detect Lies, Diplomacy,
Fast-Talk, Merchant, Savoir-Faire and Streetwise.
Loonies like to use ALL skills at a default level of 5.
Munchkins like Fast-Talk GM and Whine.
Favorite Overall Spell:
Real Men don't use magic, but they'll let the mage cast Hawk Flight
on them so they can pursue the foe
Roleplayers cast Lend Language on the strangers they meet
Loonies cast Mystic Mist in the town square
Munchkins cast Enslave on the city guard
Favorite Combat Spell:
Real Men don't use magic.
Roleplayers cast Blur and Flash.
Loonies cast Create Object (cream pies)
Munchkins cast Armor, Shield, Invisibility and Deathtouch.
Favorite Non-Combat Spell:
Real Men still don't use magic.
Roleplayers cast Major Healing.
Loonies cast Drunkenness on the other PCs.
Munchkins cast Linking spells on everything they own.
Favorite Supplement:
Real Men like Horseclans and Ice Age.
Roleplayers like Space, Horror and Japan.
Loonies like Toon.
Munchkins like Fantasy, Horror and Autoduel - in the same game.
Favorite TOON Character:
Real Men play Carnivores.
Roleplayers play Herbivores.
Loonies play Richard Nixon.
Munchkins build an unfathomably powerful character.
Supplement Most Wanted:
Real Men want World War II.
Roleplayers want 2001
Loonies want Pet Rocks
Munchkins want Deities
Storyteller
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men
Roleplayers
Loonies
Munchkins
Favorite Vampires:
Real Men play 13th generation Brujah Rebels
Roleplayers play 14th generation Tremere or Ventrue Architects
Loonies play 14th generation Malkavian Anti-tribu Visionaries
Munchkins play Caitiff Antidiluvians
Favorite Vampire Food:
Real Men eat dope-dealers and other assorted criminals.
Roleplayers agonize over it, eat their friends in a frenzy and
lose Humanity points.
Loonies eat flies.
Munchkins eat Caine.
Favorite Dialblerie:
Real Men diablerize Tremeres and Sabbat.
Roleplayers agonize over it, diablerize their sires, and lose
Humanity points.
Loonies diablerize themselves, agonize over it and enter Torpor.
Munchkins eat Caine.
Favorite Ghoul:
Real Men need no ghouls.
Roleplayers agonize over it, ghoul politicians and lose humanity.
Loonies ghoul Wall-Mart cashiers.
Munchkins ghoul the entire Tremere clan.
Favorite Sourcebooks:
Real Men like Clan Brujah.
Roleplayers say ``I don't NEED a sourcebook'', buy the books
anyway and lose Humanity points.
Loonies like Count Duckula
Munchkins like the Mummies.
Favorite Werewolves:
Real Men play Get of Fenris Ahroun with Fang Daggers
Roleplayers play Uktena Theurges with Baneskins
Loonies play a hairy bag-lady with a shopping cart
Munchkins play a Major Incarna with a Silver Sword
Favorite Totems
Real Men align with The Stag
Roleplayers align with Coyote
Loonies align with the harmonic convergence
Munchkins align with themselves.
View the Umbra as...
Real Men view the Umbra as the True World.
Roleplayers view the Umbra as the shadowy pictures from Plato's
Allegory of the Cave.
Loonies view the Umbra from a padded cell.
Munchkins view the Umbra as their kingdom.
Favorite Weapon
Real Men need no weapons.
Roleplayers carry their ancestor's klaive.
Loonies carry a tune.
Munchkins carry a silver sword, two klaives, a fang dagger,
an Atchison with 20 rounds of silver-phosphate and a
thermite grenade.
Ars Magica
Capsule Opinion:
Real Men think there aren't enough combats
Roleplayers like the setting
Loonies like the myriad of possible spell effects
Munchkins think magi aren't powerful enough.
Advantages of the setting:
Real Men like the Crusades
Roleplayers like the richness of the paradigm
Loonies like mendicant monks
Munchkins like being able to look up the answers
Advantages of the game:
Real Men like _starting_ with battle-worthy wizards
Roleplayers like the long-term character development
Loonies like the chance to make the Crown-prince think he's a slug
Munchkins like being able to spont level 80 spells
Problems with the game:
Real Men think the Code of Hermes is too restrictive
Roleplayers think there aren't enough flaw points to define their
characters
Loonies think there aren't enough ways to pull pranks on the mundanes
Munchkins think longevity potions don't last long enough
Favorite Houses:
Real Men join House Flambeau or House Tytalus
Roleplayers join House Jerbiton
Loonies join House Criamon or House Merinita
Munchkins join House Bjornaer
Favorite Variant Magi:
Real Men don't do variant magi
Roleplayers play Shamans
Loonies play Faerie Companions
Munchkins play Diabolists
Favorite Virtues for Magi:
Real Men have an affinity with Ignem or Perdo
Roleplayers have the Gentle Gift
Loonies have Withstand Magic and Berserk
Munchkins have Heartbeast - Great Worm of the Pyrenees
Favorite Flaws for Magi:
Real Men take Fury
Roleplayers take Sense of Doom
Loonies take Magic Addiction, Lack of Concentration and Chaotic Magic.
Munchkins don't understand the concept
Means of overcoming flaws:
Real Men kill their Enemies
Roleplayers join monasteries
Loonies use self-flagellation
Munchkins seem to have lost that bit of paper
Favorite Companions:
Real Men play crusading knights
Roleplayers play wandering friars
Loonies play time-travelling Californians
Munchkins play Richard the Lionhearted
Favorite lab work:
Real Men find it too fiddly, and stick to the library
Roleplayers take familiars and apprentices
Loonies use experimentation with vis
Munchkins invent 'Cleanse the Verminous Infestation of People'
Favorite Spell:
Real Men cast Pilum of Fire
Roleplayers cast Frosty Breath of the Spoken Lie
Loonies cast Confusion of the Insane Vibrations near a clifftop
Munchkins cast Opening the Earth's Pore
Favorite Skill:
Real Men like Penetration
Roleplayers like Guile
Loonies like Scribe Pig-Latin
Munchkins like Affinity - everything
Favorite Rule:
Real Men like open-ended die rolls
Roleplayers like personality traits
Loonies like botches
Munchkins like spontaneous magic
Favorite Quotes:
Real Men say ``I kill demons and eat them for breakfast.''
Roleplayers say ``How can you believe him? He's a Christian!''
Loonies say ``I healed the dog. I took his toe nails.''
Munchkins say ``Certamen!''
Computer Use
Operating Systems:
Personal computers:
Real Men Use MS-DOS
Roleplayers Use OS/2
Loonies Program their calculator to run PC software
Munchkins Use Nintendo
Big computers:
Real Men Use VMS, and write everything in FORTRAN
Roleplayers Use Unix, and incorporate other people's C code
Loonies Use a Turing machine
Munchkins Use Nintendo
Unix:
Favorite flavor of Unix:
Real Men Use System V
Roleplayers Use BSD
Loonies Port Linux to their Sparcstation
Munchkins Use AIX
Favorite Shell:
Real Men Use the Bourne Shell
Roleplayers Use tcsh
Loonies Use cat > /dev/null
Munchkins Use simulated Macintosh environments
Favorite method of computer use:
Real Men Use the assembler to do everything
Roleplayers Use perl and C to do everything
Loonies Write everything in Postscript
Munchkins Just run what they buy
Favorite editor:
Real Men Use vi
Roleplayers Use emacs
Loonies Use dd of=/dev/sd0a
Munchkins Use Microsoft Word
Favorite Unix program:
Real Men Use "ln -s stdin.c `tty` ; cc stdin.c"
Roleplayers Do "nn 'rec.games.frp.*'"
Loonies Run "yes | wall"
Munchkins Try "dir"
Favorite programming languages:
Real Men Use Fortran and C.
Roleplayers Use SML, Prolog, and Common Lisp Object System
Loonies Write punch card readers in Algol, APL, and TICO
Munchkins Use Basic, when they can figure it out.
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