Archmage's Web Page

Jump to: Role-Playing Games - Magic: the Gathering - ElfQuest
Science Fiction & Fantasy - Computers and all - Funny Stuff
Welcome to my Webpage! I am Archmage, alias Pieter Simoons in real life. I am nineteen years old and come from Rotterdam in the Netherlands. I'm currently studying computer science at Leiden University, after spending a year as an exchange student at Knox College, Illinois. I used to be a member of the national service organization Alpha Phi Omega, and still would be if it had any branches in the Netherlands.
Check out this homepage for the Leiden Gaming Club Het Duivelsei!
To learn something about my interests and hobbies, just scroll down and check out the rest of the page. I hope you like what you find. If you have any comments, ideas for new stuff to add, or just like to say hi, please write me a note at psimoons@wi.leidenuniv.nl.
Shade and sweet water!

Role-Playing Games
Here's a couple of extras for the biggest rpg - some new Kits and Proficiencies. And there's a lot of new spells to be found in the NetBooks, but the ones on this link are in LaTeX format, so you may want to try Morpheus (see below) instead.
Somebody at Lunehas compiled a neat proficiency list [down], among other things.
Sadistic DMs will probably enjoy this list of Traps.

If you want to play something new, you should try FUDGE, a nice freeform RPG system. Also you can check out SpellCaster, a strategy game with wizards similar to those in many RPGs.

For playing on the Internet, here is a long list of Telnet Sites, including Muds, Mushes and Irc. I used to be a well-known player on some mud, but that mud has since degenerated and I never bothered getting to know another one. However, to help out newbies I still have a list of Items that appear to be common in muds (but don't expect them everywhere).

For the light of heart, here's some jokes - 101 Spells Not Worth Memorizing, a treatise on Gnomish Weaponry and the tome of Real Men, Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins.

Finally, be sure to check out Morpheus' Website (which is locked, by the way), the Picture Archive and the Document Archive.

Magic: the Gathering
Magic, MtG for short, is the oldest and most popular of a loooong series of trading card games. The idea of this is that every player has his own, unique deck to play with, and that you can trade cards with others to get better combinations, or just cards you like for whatever reason (such as the cool picture most cards have).
If you trade a lot you'll be interested in Cloister Bell's Price List. I have some related info on collecting coming up.
Of course, there's the usual humoristic section: a list of Magic Jargon, the official guide to People and Places of Dominia, the MtG version of Real Men, Roleplayers, Loonies and Munchkins, and some way cool strategies for the Gray Ogre.
If that's not enough for you, try these other sites: Wizards of the Coast, and Mox Pearl which has lots of lists, rules and FAQs. WotC has shut down the Magic site at Itis.com...

ElfQuest (Wendy & Richard Pini)
This graphic novel has been translated in lots of different languages; there's also some words in the Elfin language. And, just for fun, here's a list of what happens if you throw those Elfin names into a spellchecker.
There's a lot of ElfQuest pages on the web. The first you should look at is, of course, WaRP's Official Website, (which is where the picture comes from). You may also want to check out the Portfolio for more pictures.
A lot of ElfQuest sites have been closed down recently, including Lupine, Logomancy, and Milton. The List of Characters is still there, luckily, and I've heard of a reasonably new one at The Vault. There's still TON of other websites in case you have time to check them out, but I can't guarantee any of them working.
Of course, Elfquest, its characters, situations, logos and their distinctive likenesses are trademarks of and copyright 1996 by WaRP Graphics, Inc; all rights reserved worldwide.

Great Science Fiction & Fantasy Authors

• Douglas Adams is the author of all five books of the famous HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. They're really funny, especially the first one. I think the books can be found somewhere online, but I haven't been able to find them yet. However, I do have the HHGTG FAQ [down], and a long List of Fanpages for you to see.
  
• Richard Adams hasn't written too many books, but his Watership Down is still one of my favourites. It's about a bunch of bunnies making a long trip as their old den gets destroyed by humans. There's no webpages on this though, as far as I know.
  
• Piers Anthony has written a lot of books in the Xanth series. Xanth is a land of fantasy filled with night mares, lie berries, pining trees and similar puns. While I haven't read much of his books, I do have some information on him.
  
• Isaac Asimov is really famous and well-known, both as a SF author and a scientist. He wrote lots of books - here's a List of them with Reviews; also, I have the FAQ list available [down]. It's hard to describe his style - you'd just have to read something; you'll find out, for one, that all his fiction books somehow relate to each other. One of his best is Nemesis
  
• Michael Crighton is very good at writing thrillers; The Andromeda Strain is a good example of this. Unfortunately, those guys at Hollywood usually totally screw up when making films out of them. You can check out his Bibliography here, but I refuse to put any film info on this page.
  
• Jim Henson is, of course, the creator of the Muppets. Ok, so that's not really fantasy, but it's good anyways. Maybe you want to read some of their songtexts. Also, he's written a few good films, most notably Labyrinth and Dark Crystal.
• Tanith Lee doesn't seem to be that well known, at least not on the web; this is too bad because she's a good writer. I can really recommend Kill the Dead and Black Unicorn.
• Millennium magazine has some nice stories and some other stuff.
• Larry Niven is slightly more known. His most famous work is RingWorld, although I must admit I found the ending disappointing. Other than that, some great books are Inferno and The Magic Goes Away.
  
• Terry Pratchett is really hilarious; he's the author of the Discworld Series, a collection of fantasy novels set on a flat world carried on the back of four elephants that stand on the shell of a giant turtle swimming through space. If this sounds silly, it is. But it's also great fun. You can read everything you want to know about him in the Annotated Pratchett File at the above link. My personal favorites are Mort and Reaper Man which are about Death, the grim reaper, and how it affects the world if he goes on a holiday or gets fired, and Wyrd Sisters, which is a marvelous parody on Shakespeare. A good example of his humor is his Dwarven Poetry (1), which unfortunately got lost in a page rebuild. As soon as I find the link I'll put it back up.
  (1) Gold, Gold, Gold (2), that is. Dwarves just love singing about gold.
  (2) Yes, that IS the only word in the song.
  Wow, that's a lot of stuff about one author! Then again, he IS good. Click here for some more information.
• Quentin Tarantino doesn't really fit here, I know. I guess I'll be adding a separate section for films some time soon. Anyway, here's the script of his masterpiece, Pulp Fiction [down].
  
• John Ronald Ruel Tolkien is one of the founding fathers of the fantasy genre, with his Lord of the Rings trilogy and related works on the world of Middle Earth. References to LotR and its prequel The Hobbit are everywhere, and the books are just great. Strangely enough I haven't been able to find any homepages dedicated to this master writer. If you like Tolkien, you should also read the parody Bored of the Rings if you can find it.
• Jack Vance has written loads of good books, most notably the Lyonesse trilogy and the Planet of Adventure series. There's a lot of Information here, including a complete bibliography and book cover scans.
  
• Roger Zelazny, finally, is most noted for his ten-book-long Amber series. I think the first five are really the best; I just couldn't stop reading them. A list of Amber characters and a timeline will be up here shortly. If you've read it, you'll probably love this parody, Death of Ember. Some more info on Zelazny can be found on the Fanpage. If you want something non-Amber-related, My Name Is Legion is a good book, too, as is Jack of Shadows.
  
• Last but not least, I'd like to list myself here because of this Story I'm writing. It's nothing professional yet, but who knows what may follow?

Computers and all
Ultima Dragons Internet Chapter (UDIC) is a group of people devoted to Origin's Ultima games, a series of rpgs known for their excellent storylines, and, in the later ones, the graphics, too.
There's an Ultima-like game coming up called Homeland, and I'm working on the storyline and conversation scripts.
I like computer programming, although I'm not a professional (yet). Here's a Load of Programming Stuff.
The Games Domain [down] has some more info on programming, and a lot of games available for download.
Programming is an art, when done in certain ways. If you don't believe me, take a look at the Obfuscated C contests. And, if you want to pull a joke on someone, here are some jokes with a Macintosh.
And, in case you still remember those good old Commodore 64's (which I do, and I love them), you can download some games at SharkBite, Hbbuse, Nerve and Arnold. For more information be sure to check out the Web Directory and the Commodore Ring.
For some more nostalgia, somebody has compiled a page of Arcade Classics.


Funny Stuff
This is one of the most widely appreciated sections, and there's lots of stuff I'd like to put here - there's lots more to come.
Have you ever spoken to a dragon? Here's your chance - go talk to Maur and hope she doesn't eat you!
As for now, everybody should read these really funny Words of Wisdom (also known as taglines, for the mail freaks among you).
Is there anybody around here who hasn't heard of Monty Python's Holy Grail? If so, click and read the script. Speaking of Monty Python, there is a lot of scripts and files from their Flying Circus that you may want to read. And let's not forget another really funny series - Red Dwarf
Then, I have a nice ascii graphics file on Cows in Various Situations, a parody on Twelve Days of Christmas, an MIT Application and a Case of Murder. In case you haven't had enough yet, here's Seuss Trek, a parody on Star Trek, and a poem of Male vs. Female. And lastly, a large collection of humourous text files can be found right here.

Do you like music? Try these songtexts from R.E.M. (the best!) and Prodigy.

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You are vistor number ; if you have any comments or additions, or want to sign the guest book, you can reach me via e-mail: Pieter 'Archmage' Simoons. This page was made possible by Geocities: Hollywood and was last updated on Wednesday, June 4th.