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Original
Mar 21, 2003
Part of the company's faults system is a highly interactive
automated system that asks the customers a series of questions
and attempts to diagnose some of the more simple faults.
It's actually very very good, if you use it.
Unfortunately, human mentality means most people think
"Oh no, not a menu option. I'll just press buttons randomly
and it'll pass me to an advisor quicker."
This of course, does not happen.
The customer then spends more time queueing for an advisor.
As a result, many people ignore the salutation of "Good
morning, Telephone Faults, may I have the number you are
reporting please?", and jump into a spiel, usually starting
with "Oh thank god, a human voice. Do you know how
long it's taken to get through to you?"
I believe many of them honestly think they are the first
person to say that phrase to me, as if they are being original.
One of these days I'm going to reply to them
"Yes, I know exactly how long you've been waiting.
Do you want to tell me the problem, or shall we sit here
discussing the finer points of telephone queueing systems
while we force people behind you in the queue to wait even
longer?"
I've told so many people the truth; that their call is
answered as quickly as possible. It's not like I sit here
all day not answering phones.
Cut Off
Apr 4, 2003
Latest call from a customer: "Hi, I'm on a mobile
and I might get cust off but here goes. 0 1 2-...."
Know Better
Apr 7, 2003
First thing they teach you as a faults operator is; it's
almost always the customer's phone at fault. It's the simplest
part of the network and the most likely to go wrong. It's
akin to the old joke about printer helpdesk asking "Have
you turned it on?" because that solves 90% of their
calls.
My latest call was from someone with a dead line, caling
from her neighbour's line. The line tested OK, so the first
thing to check is the phone.
The customer's response was: "Well, it was working
a few hours ago."
What most people fail to realise is that I don't care how
long ago your phone was working, you still have to check
it! Most people go and check after I mention the possible
charges.
Londoners
Apr 18, 2003
What is it with people in London
with 0207 or 0208 numbers that makes them think pronouncing
the second "0" is OPTIONAL?
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