A Battle of the Planets fanfic by Eddie Vagg
Authors Note: I've finally seen the new "Gatchaman" (90's version), and an episode of Eagle Riders. Well, I guess it's childhood nostalgia talking, but I reckon Battle of the Planets has a LOT going for it. For instance, BOTP features the original Phoenix, a boxy but good spaceship. Also, BOTP features 7 Zark 7!!!!!
(ahem...)
Anyway, here's my second Battle of the Planets fic. Enjoy!
Voice of God: Battle of the Planets! G-Force! Five incredible young people with super powers! And watching over them from Center Neptune; 7 Zark 7!!!! Watching... WARNING against surprise attacks by Alien Galaxies from beyond space. G-Force! Fearless young orphans protecting Earth's entire galaxy. Always five, acting as one. Dedicated, inseparable, *invincible!*
Zoltar Returns... Again!
Scene: Center Neptune. A big school of fish swim past the underwater base.
7 Zark 7 is pacing frantically across his retro-computerised lair.
7 Zark 7: Oh *Hello* kiddies! I, 7 Zark 7, deep beneath the sea, monitor the entire galaxy against alien invasions. It's been really frantic the past week, and even 1 Rover 1, with his crazy antics has been run off his feet.
1 Rover 1: (hovering with tail) Whaap whap whaaaaap!
7 Zark 7: I know, you're not using your feet at the moment... In any case, I've had to take on extra help in operating Center Neptune!
At this cue, a depressed looking robot trundles in.
7 Zark 7: Meet Marvin, who's been a great help the last few days. Marvin, why don't you wipe the monitors?
Marvin: Wipe the monitors... I won't enjoy it.
7 Zark 7: Why I never... If the monitors aren't clean we can't monitor the galaxy!
Marvin: Brain the size of a planet, and you ask me to monitor the galaxy. Call that job satisfaction, cos I don't.
7 Zark 7: Did I say *great* help? Oh my... G-force are all out on patrol at the moment, but even now they are now being assembled for a secret mission!
Stock mission footage, The Phoenix swoops low, and scoops up Jason's car. Then, Princess, with her bike. Keyop also docks with his orange contraption, and last, mighty Mark flies in with his fighter.
Everyone (except Jason) bows with respect as Mark enters the cabin.
Jason: You're late!
Mark: I couldn't help it! It was just that way the footage was arranged... Hey! I'm supposed to be leader!
Jason: (backing off) I was just providing some token team friction.... Take it away, Casey.
Mark: I've told you before, DON'T ever call me that!
Jason: Don't get your feathers ruffled, MARK! You're supposed to be the cool, calm leader. I. however, am allowed to get angry, because I'm the rebel!
Tiny: He's got you there, chief.
Mark: (regaining composure) O.K. Tiny, take us to Center Neptune for our briefing.
Tiny: Big ten!
Keyop: Arrr Root poot tooot Are we there yet?
Princess: Keyop, that was last fic's joke.
Keyop: Rrrr rut put pooot Rats!
Once again, Zoltar faces the mysterious, spooky visage of the Luminous One.
Zoltar: The trap is complete, Luminous One. This time G-force will not escape from their doom.
Luminous One: See that they are destroyed, Zoltar. I don't tolerate mistakes. If not for your constant brown-nosing I would have executed you long ago!
Zoltar: You are kind and merciful, Exalted Spirit. Might I add you look radiant this morning?
Without bothering with a reply, the Luminous One winks out.
The team enters the briefing room in time to see Security Chief Anderson start a Reel-to-Reel tape player in the background. The whiny, yet scientific briefing tune starts playing.
Tiny: All that time we thought that thing was a high tech computer!
Mark: I guess the joke's on us, huh guys?
Chief Anderson: Team, Spectra has built a base on Earth. We believe Spectra may have a new secret weapon and we need you to investigate.
Jason: Do you want us to bombard the base with missiles?
Chief Anderson: Certainly not.
Jason: How about we ram the base with the Fiery Phoenix?
Chief Anderson: Jason, we don't want the base destroyed, we don't know enough about the situation yet. Mark, you take Tiny and observe the base discreetly.
Mark: Why Tiny? Jason's a better fighter, Keyop's small and nimble, and Princess looks better....
Chief Anderson: Tiny needs the excersise. Be careful, Mark. Try to avoid detection.
Mark: Absolutely, Chief.
All five G-Force members raise thier arms in salute.
All five: G-Force!
Mark and Tiny are hiding in plain view, standing on top of a mountain. Wearing their garish civillian clothes, the two cast a long shadow over the secret base.
Mark: It's a good thing we have the sun behind us, nobody can see us up here.
Tiny: What are we looking for, chief?
Mark: Anything suspicious, Tiny, anything suspicious.
All of a sudden, one of the buildings in the compound splits open, revealling a semi-futuristic docking bay. A space rocket, bearing Spectra markings launches into space.
Tiny: Amazing!
Mark: The base on the surface was just a decoy. The real base is hidden underground!
Back at Cente Neptune, the diligent droid 7 Zark 7 is still monitoring the situation.
7 Zark 7: Oh dear. I do always worry when G-Force members are scouting about secret bases. I hope Mark and Tiny are safe!
The communications screen beeps.
7 Zark 7: That would be Mark...
Totally disregarding continuity, Mark appears on the screen in his birdstyle battle suit, although the animation looks stilted and the lip synch leaves something to be desired for.
Mark: Zark, the Secret Spectra base is actually hidden under a False Secret Spectra base! The base on the surface appears to be a decoy.
7 Zark 7: Roger that, Mark. Rendezvous with the rest of the team at point "A", and wait for more instructions from Chief Anderson.
Mark: I copy you loud and clear, Zark. Over and out.
Mark's face dissappears from the viewscreen.
7 Zark 7: I always get tingles in my receptors when G-Force are about to go on a mission. I can't help it. I just worry about them!
All five members of G-Force are onboard the Phoenix, complete with birdstyle suits. Chief Anderson appears on the viewscreen.
Chief Anderson: Team, your orders are to infiltrate the secret base, and find out exactly what Spectra is plotting here on Earth.
Jason: Are we allowed to plant timebombs?
Chief Anderson: Utilizing *their* self-destruct sequence would be even more dramatic Jason, but if you feel time bombs are appropriate, than use them at your discretion.
Mark: But ONLY after we've discovered their secret plan and come close to unmasking Zoltar, Right Chief?
Chief Anderson: That's correct, Mark. One more thing, team, Good luck.
All five: (salute) G-Force!
The annoying suspense music plays, as G-Force darts about the shadows of the false base, looking for a way to enter.
Keyop: Arrr root pooot put tuuut poot toot found it!
Everybody gathers around Keyop, who's standing in front of a hatch, bearing the Spectra logo.
Mark: That looks like the secret hatch, allright. Tiny, can you open that?
Tiny: No sweat!
Tiny strains, then lifts the hatch with a show of mighty strength. A shaft is revealed below.
Mark: Follow me...
Mark, ignoring the ladder, spreads his cape and drops down the hole. The rest of the team follow suit, and all land nimbly in the corridor below.
Jason: The corridor goes both ways!
Mark: We'll just have to split up....
Zoltar watches G-force in his surveilance monitor, chuckling with glee.
Zoltar: So! The little birdies have flown into my cage! Victory will be mine, at long last! Hahahahahaha!
Mark and Princess run dramatically down the corridor, stealth obviously not a primary concern.
Mark: Look up ahead!
Princess: Oh No!
A couple of lazy-looking Spectra henchman lean against the door they're supposed to be guarding.
Lazy Henchman 1: Do you hear something?
Lazy Henchman 2: (lighting up a cigarette) Huh?
(whirrr) CLUNK CLUNK! Both guards are knocked senseless by Mark's Sonic Boomerang. Catching it with deft skill, Mark stands proudly.
Mark: I'm relieving you two of guard detail!
Princess: (swoon) Your one-liners are so witty!
Tiny: I've got a bad feeling about this...
Jason: We're going around in circles!
Keyop: Rooot poot poot trap!
As if on cue, the floor gives way and all three fall into a massive chamber filled with hundreds of Spectra henchmen! All of them aim their weapons at our heroes...
Mark: (hitting open switch) Now!
Mark and Princess dart through the door, only to come face-to-face with Zoltar himself! Zoltar laughs maniacally.
Zoltar: At last I have you, G-Force. I have finally captured you, and the earth will tremble under the might of Spectra! Behold my secret weapon, the truth pistol! It will reveal your true identity, and at long last I will be able to hunt you down wherever you may reside!
Zoltar then quickly draws his pistol, firing at Mark. (Zzzapp!)
Princess: Oh No!
Mark, too distracted by Zoltar's longwinded speech, fails to dodge the blast from Zoltar's truth pistol. Shaken, he recovers.
Mark: Good evening America, I'm Casey Kasem and welcome to America's top 40 countdown!
Zoltar: WHAT!!!
Princess: Oh No!
Mark: (Shakes head) Oh no you don't, Zoltar. Two can play at that game!
Mark lunges heroically at Zoltar, and tackles him.
Mark: Time to see who you REALLY are!
Mark removes the mask...
Tiny: I think we are in deep trouble now!
All of a sudden two flashes of light appear overhead. It is Mark and Princess, falling with style with a little help from their battlesuits.
Main Nasty Henchman: The trap is complete! Open fire!
The Spectran Soldiers all start shooting, laser rains down on G-force.
Jason: (throwing feather) Take this!
Jasons feather takes out 3 consecutive henchmen.
Keyop (throwing Bola) Rrrooot root put poot G-Force!
Keyop's Bola wraps around a henchman's neck, disabling him.
Tiny takes two henchmen by surprise, bashing their heads together in classic cartoon style.
Tiny: (CLUNK) Time for a nap!
Mark: Tiny, take it easy on the snappy one liners, will you?
Jason: You're one to talk! You're not the ONLY hero in this series, and Tiny never gets his chance! Give him a break!
Princess: Your lines are still better, Mark.
Mark: (calmer now) Thanks, Princess. O.K. Team, time to get this over with. Prepare for Rotor Force Attack!
All Five: G-Force!
The entire G-Force team converge in the middle of the chamber, and form a human pyramid. Tiny and Jason at the base, Mark and Princess in the middle, and Keyop at the pinnacle.
The pyramid begins to rotate, and gathers speed. An impressive sight indeed, the rotor force pyramid begins to resemble a whirlwind, in fact it starts exerting a wind of it's own. The henchmen attempt to resist the gale force winds, but ultimately fail. They are picked up, and flung in all directions. (Luckily no one was hurt)
Main Nasty Henchman: All hands abandon ship!
Long haired liutenant: Well actually, we're in a base...
Main Nasty Henchman: I know that! Set the self destruct sequence!
Sirens sound, and lights flash.
Usual Female Recording: This secret base will self destruct in Tee minus 90 seconds. You have 1 minute to reach minimum safe distance...
Mark: Well done team, all objectives have been met!
Jason: Even unmasking Zoltar?
Mark: Even unmasking Zoltar... Only this time, "Zoltar" was a lame android with a voice synthesizer.
Keyop: Arr root poot poot fiendish!
Tiny: We'll get Zoltar someday, won't we, Mark?
Mark: Someday we will, Tiny, someday we will...
The Phoenix takes off to the dramatic backdrop of the exploding base, and flies back home. Life is good.
7 Zark 7 is singing (BADLY) in his shower, then stops, and taking a towel from the ever helpful 1 Rover 1, faces the readers.
7 Zark 7: I'm so glad G-Force managed to foil Zoltar's plans yet again, I'm just taking the opportunity during the respite to take a quick oil shower.
The communicator beeps.
Susan: (oohhh) Hi Zark...
7 Zark 7: Susan! I was just taking a shower! Lucky for me I have this towel to protect my modesty...
Susan: (aaaaaahhhhhh) But Zark, don't you normally slide around your control room without any clothes at all?
7 Zark 7's antenne spring up in embarrasment. His lights blink furiously.
7 Zark 7: Good lord, I've been naked all this time! I'm sorry, readers, I really must be going... (one hand clutches the towel even tighter, the other salutes.) I'm just proud to say it's a pleasure to serve G-Force!
If you want to flame me, TRANSMUTE to the Fiery Phoenix and use these coordinates: evagg@hubble.dialix.com.au
Thank you for reading.