The following battle takes place after Battle #14. Read that first!
Battle #15: Dire Peril
Player Name: D'Ron Farfetch'd [2-2]
D'RON used FLY!
Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!...no, wait, it's just a bird.
Yup, it's me. What's that? My completely average bird senses are detecting trouble!
LITTLE GIRL: Help, help! My cat is stuck in a tree! Help!
Look, that mangy hairball is attacking a helpless bird's nest! Don't worry little girl, I'll kill your cat for you!
LITTLE GIRL: Uh...thanks?
Go eat some mice, or you'll be taking your next cat-nap six feet under!
CAT wants to fight!
You think I'm just a puny, ordinary bird, huh? Well I've got news for you. I have the amazing power to...to... oh crap, I am just an ordinary bird!
D'RON used AGILITY!
CAT used BITE!
D'RON evaded the attack!
I think I took my super-hero fantasy a little too far! What am I going to do now?
LITTLE GIRL: Gut him, Fluffy! Rip his lungs out!
Hey! I'm trying to stay alive here, and you're not helping any.
FIREBAT used FLAMETHROWER!
CAT died!
Thank you! Um...what kind of Pokemon are you supposed to be?
FIREBAT is not a POKEMON! FIREBAT is a DEMIGOD!
Like a Pokegod, you mean?
No!
Like Demi Moore, you mean?
No!
Oh. So he's just a demigod.
Yes!
Like Demi Moore's evolved form, you mean?
FIREBAT wants to fight!
Good luck, Firebat! Cut that little girl down to size!
No, you!
Me? I don't want to fight.
FIREBAT wants to fight D'RON!
Well why didn't you just say so?
FIREBAT sent out FIREBAT!
Mr. Firebat, a question please?
FIREBAT points at D'RON!
FIREBAT: Yes, you in the front row.
D'Ron Farfetch'd, from the Poke Planet. I just want to ask, why do you want to kill me?
FIREBAT: Well, that's a tough question, but let me just go on the record and say this: I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman. Ms. Ketchum.
Mr. Firebat, that's not what I asked.
FIREBAT: Did I mention that the national debt is down? And don't forget to vote Democratic!
Mr. Firebat, don't you think that killing me is a little extreme?
FIREBAT: In order for my dark master, Fuego the Fire-God, to destroy the essence of time, I need to kill you. It's very simple, y'see. At the place where he is now he can look down on the entire timeline of history, and he has seen that there is only one creature in the universe that can stop his insane schemes: you.
Are you serious?
FIREBAT: Did I say insane schemes? I meant Linda Tripp.
Just who are you under all that body armor, anyway?
FIREBAT: Uhhh...ah, well...erm...interview's over! Prepare to die!
I knew I shouldn't have pissed off a demigod. I could sure use some mysterious savior to appear and save me!
NOBODY appears!
Is that the name of a super-hero come to save me?
No!
A trainer come to save me?
Let's not start this again, okay?
Well, what's going to happen to me?
TO BE CONTINUED IN BATTLE #16!
Oh man, I hate cliffhangers. Now all the wonderful readers of Crimson version's battles will have to stop by every day to find out what happens next! Tough break, huh?