"Grams? Can I talk to you?" Jen asks as she appears in the doorway to her grandmother's sewing room. Mrs. Ryan is busy sewing what seems to be a set of curtains, but as soon as she hears her granddaughter's voice she looks up in surprise.
"So you're talking to me now?" she asks.
Jen stares down at her feet and remains silent for a moment. "Yeah . . . I wanted to apologize." Mrs. Ryan looks truly shocked now. "Oh?" is all she can think to respond.
"Yeah . . . I mean, yes ma'am. I was a real pain today . . . it's not your fault and I'm sorry I snapped at you. It's just . . ."
Her grandmother looks at her and can see that Jen is getting upset. She stands up from the sewing machine and walks to the doorway. Taking Jen's hand in hers, she walks to the couch and they sit down together. "Tell me what's bothering you Jennifer," she says gently.
"I . . . Grams, I can't," Jen replies woefully.
"Jennifer . . ." she thinks for a moment then smiles softly. "Do you remember when you were a little girl and you would spend the summer with me sometimes? I remember the summer you turned ten, you came up here for three weeks and stayed with me. We had the best time. Do you remember?" Jen looks up and nods. "Sure, I remember."
"We used to talk then," her grandmother says. "You could tell me anything. And we spent the entire three weeks together. What happened to that little girl?"
Jen frowns and her eyes fill with tears that she tries to hold back. "That little girl died in New York. She went home that summer and started changing. Two years later that little girl was completely gone and she had been replaced by the confused, screwed up person that you see before you. I'm never going to be that little girl again Grams. She stopped existing after that summer."
"Now, I don't believe that dear. I still see that little girl sometimes when I look into those eyes. Yes, you try to act like a grown up and like you don't need me or anyone else but I know better. You're still the same sweet little girl who used to sit and let me braid her hair. The same child that sat on the front porch with me and just talked. You just think she's gone, but I know she's just well hidden at times."
"I hate to disappoint you, Grams, but I disagree. I can't imagine ever being as innocent and trusting of anything in this world as I was when I was ten years old."
"Oh, of course not. I would never expect that Jennifer. All I'm saying is that we used to have a very good relationship. I just want us to get back there." Mrs. Ryan smiles, maybe the first genuine smile she has given Jen since the first day she arrived. Suddenly, without warning, all Jen wants to do is be ten years old again. She can't think of anything she'd rather do than talk to her grandmother about horses and slumber parties and all the things that used to seem so important once upon a time.
The tears in Jen's eyes finally win out and spill onto her pale cheeks. "I've missed you Grams," she says and hugs her grandmother tightly. Her grandmother, though slightly surprised by the sudden outpouring of emotion, accepts the hug with welcoming arms and holds her granddaughter close. "Jennifer, I understand. It's hard to grow up. I've always loved you, that's something that will never change," Mrs. Ryan says.
Jen sits up and wipes her eyes. Nodding, she says, "There are still things we won't agree on, but it'd make things a lot easier if we could try and be friends."
"I'll make you a deal," Mrs. Ryan says.
"What's that?" she asks curiously.
"I'll try to accept the things we disagree on if you will at least try and accept a few of my beliefs."
"What exactly does 'accepting your beliefs' entail?" Jen asks in a weary tone.
"Just what you are afraid of my dear, church." Jen starts to protest but Mrs. Ryan raises a hand to silence her. "Now, hear me out. I'll be more . . . flexible on some of the things we don't see eye to eye on. Like your friend Dawson for instance . . . if you will agree to come with me to services, say, every other week?"
"I don't know . . ." Jen replies.
"You won't have to enjoy it . . . you won't even have to believe a word that is said there. All I ask is that you give it a try. It can't hurt. I'm not asking you to join the church, just to accompany me once in a while and give it a chance. If after four or five visits you still feel like the church has nothing to offer you and that you are just wasting your time, well . . . well, I can't say I'll be happy about it but I will accept your decision. Do we have a deal?" she asks.
"Well . . . okay, I suppose. But if I do decide I don't want to go back after four Sundays then you can't go back on your word. You have to accept it."
"You have my word," Mrs. Ryan says.
"Okay," Jen smiles slightly. She is surprised how good it makes her feel just to know she has reached even this small compromise with her grandmother. It feels like they have just lessened the gap between them immensely.
"So, do you still want to talk about whatever it was that was bothering you today?" she asks. Jen's frown returns and she shrugs her shoulders. "It's about that Leery boy isn't it?"
"Dawson, his name is Dawson," Jen says giving her a look.
"I'm sorry, I apologize, Dawson."
"Yeah, it sort of is," Jen says.
"Do you feel like discussing it?"
"Well, I wouldn't mind . . . but only if you want to listen. I know how you feel about Dawson . . ."
"Jennifer, if you are having a problem, whether it involves Dawson or any other boy for that matter, I am always willing to listen if you need to talk. And I don't really dislike Dawson. I just don't want to see you get hurt, that's all."
"Then you're too late," she replies.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's nothing Dawson has done purposely, but I think he may be losing interest in our relationship."
"What makes you think that?"
"I don't know . . . I guess it's my own fault. I've seen it pretty much since the day I met him. I guess I just ignored it because I didn't want to believe it."
"Saw what? Ignored what?" Mrs. Ryan asks.
"Joey . . . Dawson is in love with her," Jen says. She looks to her grandmother for a reaction but doesn't get much of one. "Why are you so calm about that?"
"Well, I can't say I'm too surprised by that. Josephine Potter was the main reason I didn't want you involved with Dawson in the first place. Not that she's not a nice girl; she is . . . especially considering that family she's had to contend with. It's just, she has been going over to that house for Lord knows how many years and I've watched all of those children grow up and . . . well, it's hard to come between two childhood sweethearts. Those two have always had a connection that even I could distinguish. I guess all along I knew this would eventually happen and I just didn't want you mixed up in it because I knew you'd end up being the one hurt."
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense now that you say it. I almost wish I'd listened," Jen says.
"Almost huh?" her grandmother says.
"Yeah, I guess I don't really regret it. Joey and Dawson are both good friends to me . . . and so is Pacey. I'd hate to have not met them. I just wish I hadn't gotten involved with Dawson. He's a really great guy and I find myself liking him a lot . . . more than I had originally planned to. But, I know he's not going to fall in love with me and I won't fall in love with him because I know his heart is already taken."
"But it's still hard, I know," Mrs. Ryan says.
"Yeah, it is," Jen says softly.
Mrs. Ryan looks at her granddaughter and she can't help but think how much that little girl Jen once was is showing through at this very moment. She is much less concerned about her own happiness with her boyfriend than she is that he eventually find his way to the girl he is meant to be with. 'She's a good girl,' Mrs. Ryan thinks. She reaches over to hug Jen and Jen falls willingly into her grandmother's embrace.
"We're back," Mitch calls as he walks in the front door of his home.
Gayle sticks her head out of the kitchen and grins. "Hi Joey, hi Pacey," she says.
"Hi Mrs. Leery," Joey responds with a smile.
"Hey," Pacey says.
"Where's Dawson, is he up yet?" Mitch asks his wife.
"Yep, he just finished making the salad," she says as she wipes her hands on a dishtowel. "He went upstairs to change for dinner. The lasagna should be done in about twenty minutes or so." She turns to Pacey and says, "I hope you're staying for dinner. I made plenty of food, you're more than welcome."
"Well, if you're sure . . ." he says.
"Of course!" Gayle says. "It's settled, you're staying. Joey, I'm afraid the guest room is covered up in papers right now so it looks like you'll be bunking with Dawson if that's okay," she says as she looks at the girl.
"Uh, sure, no problem," Joey says. Pacey tries not to look uncomfortable with this news.
"Well, if the two of you want to take Joey's things upstairs, you can wash up for dinner in the hall bathroom. I'm sure you both know you're way around," she grins.
"Yes ma'am, thank you," Joey says. Pacey smiles at the Leerys and hoists up Joey's suitcase to follow her up the stairs.
The two walk down the hall and, after Gayle and Mitch Leery have retreated back to the kitchen, Pacey whispers, "Are you okay with this?"
"Okay with what?" Joey asks.
"You know, staying with Dawson . . . in his room," Pacey says.
"Of course . . . do you know how many times I've slept in that bed? It's not a big deal."
"Well, you sure didn't seem very thrilled about even coming over here a few hours ago," he replies.
"I know . . . I guess I just realized that I need to get over this whole Dawson thing. It's time to grow up and I'm beginning today," she says.
"Really?" Pacey sounds surprised. "Well, I think that's a good thing Jo, I really do."
She smiles and is about to say something back when the door to Dawson's room opens. He looks up at his friends and smiles. "Oh, hey guys. What's up?"
"Just dropping by for a visit at Hotel Leery," Joey says indicating the suitcase Pacey is holding.
"Yeah, you know how my mom is. She tends to worry. Anyway, I think she's right this time. It's not such a good idea for you to be there all alone." Joey nods.
"Excuse me, man holding a slightly heavy suitcase here," Pacey says.
"Oh, sorry," Dawson says and steps aside for his friend to carry the bag into his room. He and Joey follow behind him. "So, I guess Mom told you about the guest room being, uh, inaccessible at the moment?"
"Yeah, she did. You're dad is still working on the restaurant thing huh? Any clue when that's getting off the ground?" Joey asks.
"Well, he's meeting with the investors in Boston tomorrow afternoon so it could be pretty soon. He's hoping so at least," Dawson replies.
"Well, we better wash up for dinner. You mom said it was almost ready," Joey says.
"You staying Pace?"
"Your mom and dad insisted," Joey tells him.
"Yeah, well, you know how hard it is for people to resist the Witter charm," Pacey says.
"Ha, yeah, right," Dawson says.
"Hey, you're just jealous. You don't have the touch. Well, I'd help you out my friend but I'm afraid it's just a God given talent. Sadly, I cannot teach it, I just have to share it with the women of the world." Pacey grins and winks at Joey who immediately rolls her eyes.
"Please get out of here!" Joey groans.
"Why do we talk to him anyway?" Dawson teases.
"Who knows!" Joey says.
"Jeez, some friends! Well, I'm going to help your parents get the table set. They like me," Pacey says with a smirk and he turns to go down the hall to the bathroom and wash his hands.
"What a nut!" Dawson laughs after Pacey is gone.
"Yeah, he's pretty crazy," Joey agrees with a giggle.
"So, what was he doing over at your house anyway? Checking up?"
"Basically," Joey says. "You know, he's getting as bad as you Dawson."
"Bad? Hey, I take offense to that," Dawson says.
Joey smiles at him and says, "Well, you know as annoying as it is to have you two watching over me sometimes, I can't imagine what it would be like without it."
Dawson smiles at this. He has the urge at that moment to confide to Joey all of the things he has been thinking about their relationship since the previous evening. However, with Pacey and his parents right downstairs waiting on them, he decides it is a discussion better saved for another time. "Come on, let's go wash up for dinner," he says to her. Joey nods and the two leave his room, putting a hold on the conversation that is ultimately going to be inevitable.
The group has a good dinner, everyone laughing and joking and catching up on recent events in each of their lives. By 9 o'clock, Pacey has headed home, Dawson's parents have headed to bed, and Dawson and Joey are lying side by side on his bed watching 'Sleepless in Seattle'.
"You know, this is the last time I let you pick the movie," Dawson complains.
"What? You don't like this movie?" Joey asks.
"Yeah, it okay. It's just . . . I don't know, it's not much of a love story. I mean, the two characters spend the entire movie apart and then all of the sudden, right before the credits roll, they meet and fall madly in love without so much as a first date. It just seems like too much to expect the viewer to swallow, that's all."
"It's called fate, Dawson," Joey says.
"No, it's called Hollywood," he counters.
"Yeah . . . but don't you believe in that just a little? Isn't it just possible that there's one person out there for everyone? That all you have to do is wait until your paths cross?" she asks.
Dawson looks at her and starts to tell her that, yes, he believes that and yes, he thinks it is all a matter of time and that he believes he has found that person already . . . but, how can he do that? He saw how she and Pacey were acting at dinner. It wasn't extremely obvious, but Dawson knew they were growing closer. And Joey seemed more distant with him today. He had to worry that maybe their time had come and gone and he had missed it. When she wanted him, he was too blind to see it.
And, now that he was getting ready to give things a try, Joey had gotten over her feelings and moved on. With all of these unanswered questions floating around, Dawson simply sighs and says, "I don't know Joey. I just don't know."
