Question: Jerri, my friend Suzie is always touching herself right in front of me. I don't know if she's itchy or excited. Should I say something to her?
Annoyed in Ohio
Jerri Answers: Dear Annoyed in Ohio
Why don't you play the game I like to call "Bush Scratch". Everytime your itchy friend scratches her nether region, tell her she has to yell "Bush Scratch" before she reaches below the waist. If she forgets to say it, tell her "You did say Bush Scratch!" and reach down there yourself and give her the works-
--Jerri---
Question: Just a quick question, I've got a BIG appetite, how much hot fruit does that liberty bell of yours hold?
Question: I can't help wonder, but are you a hemaphrodite?
Question: My girlfriend just dumped me and it's made me realize that although I'm handsome and relatively successful, I'm a big loser, What should I do
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Signed, Hungry
Jerri Answers: Dear Hungry,
Ahh, that question really brings me back. I used to do a pre-game show for cock fights down in Miami a few years back where I hung a fully grown cock from my bell. Boy those critters had some claws on 'em! I had to have recontructive surgery on my inner thigh after a show with one extra feisty little cock named Razor. That act sure was a crowd pleaser though. Anyway, those birds usually weighed in at about 12 pounds 7 ounces, and I think I coulda taken at least 5 pounds on top of that, so you do the math.
--Jerri--
Brian from GA
Jerri Answers:I don't have a penis, my vagina at this point is covered by a thick layer of scar tissue. It's kind of like cauliflower ears for wrestlers. Just too much wear and tear over the years. Especially from my Donkey show in Tijuana. Boy did that Romone know how to wrassle! Anyway, that operation is a waste of money. You can buy enough vibrators and french ticklers to do twice the work of some sewn on, makeshift wang job. I hope you guys would know I was smarter than that. Fuck the plastic surgeons!
--Jerri--
Jerri Answers: Congradulations, it sounds like you're a quick learner. Usually it takes a lot longer for a person to realize they're as useless as you seem to be. But don't feel bad. I've come across all sorts of different sonasbitches in my travels, and every last one of 'em was as worthless as the next in my book. And some of the guys I've come across, or guys who've come across me, have been the richest, most sucessful bastards on the planet. I'm talking Swedish bankers, Japanese businessmen, and American pimps. All of 'em thought they were hot shit, but they all wound up in the back of a limo with a cheap whore looking for enough dough to score an ounce of tic. I raised my prices when I sobered up a little a few years later, but I was damm cheap at the time. Anyway, what was your question again?
--Jerri Blank--
