RATING: PG (Just because it involves mature themes, but it isn't an adult" fic)
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NOTES: The plot changed a wee bit in mid-stream, but I think it came out fairly funny!
CATEGORY: L&L romance, S&C Romance, humor
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
FORM: Script Form
PART 3 OF: 4
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Set directly after the episode (#80), "Lenny's Crush"; when the girls take a magazine quiz, they discover who their 'soul mates' are supposed to be; they make a bet to discover who they really are; for better or worse...
STILL FOR ASHLEY
****
(Fade In: Interior, Palazo Theatre Lobby, Nighttime. Shirley, Lenny and Laverne are all sitting on a bench, waiting for Frank to purchase their tickets. Lenny's sporting a bandage on his thumb from the place where Laverne's corsage stabbed him, which he randomly sucks at..)
LAVERNE: "Are you sure yer thumb's OK, Len?"
LENNY: -shaking it a bit-: "Yeah; I didn't break no arties 're nothin..."
(Frank steps over to the group, tickets in hand)
FRANK: "Here ya go; four seats, balcony, for Toho's Monster Mega Mash, whateva that is."
SHIRLEY: "How much do we owe you, Mr. DeFazio?"
FRANK: "Eh, that's alright; it's been a long time since I saw a real movie marathon." -he hands the tickets out, then notices the bandage once more on Lenny's thumb- "I'm sorry about that, kid. Seein' ya pin a corsage on my Muffin...remember that summer in '55?"
LENNY -embarrassed-: "Uh......"
FRANK: "...You an' that Hector kid, peepin' in on my daughter...I hadda hose th' two a ya..." -Frank's look is ever-so-slightly menacing. Lenny gulps and shuffles his feet-
SHIRLEY -laughing and in her usual false-bravado-: "Ohh, the memories we all share! Well, I'll be darned, isn't it close to showtime already?" -she links her arm through Frank's; since he's not expecting it, he lists dramatically to the right against her-
LENNY -offering Laverne his own elbow-: "Here ya go, Vernie,"
LAVERNE: -shaking her head-: "No thanks, Len." -She walked beside him into the theatre, and he tries to hide his disappointment in her rejection-, .
(CUT and FADE: Incidental time-shift music: INT. Movie Theatre, Night. Time has passed; Laverne and Lenny are seated in the middle row, front; both wearing 3D glasses and intently watching the screen. Shirley and Frank are in the last row. Shirley looks distracted, and Frank's stuffing popcorn into his mouth. The lights are dimmed, there's a movie being projected onto the screen, and scary monster movie noises are in the background.)
FRANK: -abruptly and loudly-: "Hah! You call that a special effect?!"
(Everyone else in the theatre turns around and shushes him; except for Laverne and Lenny, who are staring, enraptured, at the screen. Shirley's clearly embarrassed.)
SHIRLEY -beneath her breath-: "Please, Mr. DeFazio, you're making a scene..."
(CUT TO: Lenny and Laverne, who are eating popcorn from the same container. They speak in sotto voices)
LAVERNE: "Yeesh; that Mothra's a big sucker; makes me remember that big hive that Squig brought to show 'n' tell..."
LENNY -brightly-: "I remember that! An' he let 'em loose, an' they got all tangled up in Mrs. Croszchev's hair.."
LAVERNE -laughing-: "I hated that woman."
LENNY: "Me too!" -they share a brief look that expresses their feeling of camaraderie, which they both try to instantly ignore-
(CUT TO: Shirley and Frank)
FRANK -still loudly-: "Whattya talkin' about? I ain't makin' a scene. The effects're lousy an' any idiot can see that!"
UNIDENTIFYABLE MAN SITTING IN FRONT OF THEM: "Buddy, if you don't shut your mouth soon.."
FRANK: "Whattya gonna do about it?!"
(The unidentifiable man rises from his seat and turns to face Frank and Shirley; he's muscular and very tall)
FRANK: -nonplused-: "I can take ya."
(CUT TO: Lenny and Laverne)
LAVERNE: "Aww! The Mothera ladies!"
LENNY: "Yeah, I love that lil' song of theirs.." -singing very quietly, though it comes out louder than he expected- "Mothera...mothera...."
LAVERNE -hushing him-: "Ya wanna cause a scene here?"
LENNY: "Sorry!"
LAVERNE -watching the movie again-: "Boy, those Mothera ladies sure are pretty..."
LENNY: "Yeah, but neither of 'em 're the prettiest girl here tonight..."
LAVERNE -absently-: "I knew I shoulda worn th' pink dress; Shirl always looks so good 'n red..."
LENNY -taking her hand-: "I'm not talkin' bout Shirl, Vernie."
(CUT To: a wide shot; Frank and the hulking man 'stepping outside', with a freaking-out Shirley following them, while Lenny and Laverne, staring into each other's eyes, melt into an embrace. Just as they kiss, we hear a loud punching noise. Seconds later, the square-jawed stranger comes stumbling back into the theatre, holding his jaw. He collapses, as Lenny and Laverne continue kissing, totally oblivious).
(CUT TO: Shirley, sitting in the lobby, fussing over Frank's swollen knuckles)
SHIRLEY: "Do you do this every time you come to the movies?"
FRANK: -thoughtfully-: "Not all th' time. Sometimes, th' other guy hits me..."
-Shirley starts to sniffle-
FRANK cont: "...Once I got hit wit a pipe this thick." -he gestures. Shirley bursts into tears, and Frank's voice contains concern-: "Ey, whattsamatta?"
SHIRLEY -overly-emotional-: "Nothing...It's nothing...I can get used to not going to the movies ever again...Even though the new Liberache movie's coming out next month..."
FRANK -wholeheartedly confused-: "Waddya mean, never go to th' movies again?"
SHIRLEY: "...and having a husband that smells like pizza...who's older than my mother..." -she wails- "I'm fine!"
FRANK: -becoming angry-: "If someone don't tell me what yer cryin' about, I'm gonna go make that guy into a pepperoni."
SHIRLEY: -childishly-: "Laverne and I took a magazine quiz to determine our soul mates. That's why I'm with you tonight and not listening to Carmine sing...and why Vernie's in there being pawed by Lenny Kosnoski!" -Frank's eyes widen venomously, but Shirley quickly corrects herself- "Figuratively!"
FRANK -calming down, but still confused-: "You think this's a date, Shirley?" -she nods her head pitifully.- "You've been readin' too many of those romance books, little girl."
SHIRLEY -sadly-: "But what about fate, Mr. DeFazio?"
FRANK -amused-: "Fate? Lemme tell you a story about fate." (The "This is very touching" incidental music plays as he wraps his arm around Shirley) "One day, thirty years ago, I was walkin' down a street in Flushing...that's New York, not Wisconsin...An' I see the most beautiful woman I ever seen sittin' in a café. I was a delivery boy back then, an' I was workin' hand to mouth just tryin' to live. I look up; over the door've the café, there's a ladder. Anyone knows, crossin' under a ladder's bad luck, and my mother, she's a superstitious woman. But I hadta get into that café."
SHIRLEY: "What did you do?"
FRANK: "I went into that café and introduced myself to that girl." -he pats Shirley's shoulder- "Later that day, I lose my job."
SHIRLEY: "That's horrible! Then you should have listened to fate!"
FRANK: "Am I done tellin' the story yet?"
SHIRLEY: -sheepishly- : "I'm sorry.."
FRANK: "But on that same day, the woman from that café called me back. We went out on a date" -He smiles- "He name was Josephine, an' two days later I married 'er.
"SHIRLEY -sniffling-: "That's so romantic!"
FRANK: "Anyway, the pointa the story is: ya shouldn't let superstition run ya life." -he lets Shirley blot her eyes on his tie- "Now, where do ya wanna be right now?"
SHIRLEY -honestly-: "At the Pizza Bowl, watching Carmine sing."
FRANK: "Then go get him."
SHIRLEY -upset-: "But I can't leave you alone..."
FRANK: "Don't worry about it. There's a girl sittin' at the Pizza Bowl waitin' fer me," -he helps Shirley put on her coat- "Tell Edna I'm waitin' fer her."
SHIRLEY -still a bit teary-: "Thanks, Mr. DeFazio!
(He begins to walk away from him, but runs back and wraps him in a strong embrace. While they're still embracing, we FADE OUT)