* * * * *
Hail to the Chief
* * * * *
"Another party?" Qui-Gon asked as he helped Kim once again decorate. She was sitting on his shoulders hanging flags from the chandeliers.
"Yes," Jenn clarified, giving him another flag to hand up to Kim. Kim looked at it. "Jenn, the UK doesn't have a president."
"So what? Just put it up. This is an international president's day."
"What happens if you didn't vote for the current president?" Obi asked, as he helped Vicki set up the buffet table.
"Doesn't matter," she said. "You have enough fun at the party, you don't care who the president is."
"Besides, we're not on Earth, anyway." Kim reminded them.
"But, isn't that the purpose of this holiday?" Qui-Gon insisted on making this exercise harder than it was. "To pause and take a moment to revere the past presidents of your respective countries?"
"No, the purpose of this holiday is to get drunk and shag the Jedi of our choice," Jenn explained. Kim almost fell as her ladder momentarily went weak at the knees.
* * * * *
We have chosen for the nation
* * * * *
"Another holiday?" Palpatine asked Darry as she pointed out she wouldn't be into work on a particular day. He sat perched on the side of her desk.
"Yes," she went back to fudging the numbers in the Naboo treasury.
"Does your planet really observe all these, or are they just veiled excuses not to work?"
She didn't look up from the computer. "Little of both." He leaned over, making a show of being interested in what she was typing.
Darry was smart enough to know he wasn't overly concerned with the fiscal state of his homeworld.
"Before you fall off the desk trying to look down my blouse, I'll just tell you. Yes, I am wearing the Victoria's Secret valentine's present you gave me."
The Senator bolted upright, as if nothing had happened. "Ah, splendid!" he said making his way back to his own office.
Darry smiled at his back.
* * * * *
Hail to the chief
* * * * *
"So, spill it," Banaoire said to Tasha.
Ban sat in the armchair in Tasha's room as the other Hunkette tidied up.
"Spill what?" Tasha asked innocently.
"I know Darry knows, so you may as well tell me, too. Luke chicks shouldn't have any secrets."
"Huh?" Tasha replied as she put away a few items of discarded clothing.
"You've got a new man, haven't you? I wanna know ALL about him."
"No." Tasha avoided Ban's eyes and tried not to smile.
"No, you don't have a new man, or no, you won't tell me about him."
"Both," Tasha said, walking into the bathroom.
"He must be something," Ban called after her.
"Supposing I had taken another lover, which I haven't. What makes you think he's all that?" Tasha emerged from the bathroom.
Ban held up an empty Girl Scout cookie box. "Well, I know you're quite a dainty eater, and I find it hard to believe that either Qui-Gon or Luke left teeth marks in this."
"Oh, they might have…" Tasha hedged.
"C'mon, are you kidding?" Ban was not buying it. "We both know that Luke would never get that…worked up, unless you asked him to, and I know for a fact that Qui-Gon doesn't like this flavour." Ban inspected the box more closely. "Whoever he is, he must be strong…"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Tasha said, sitting down on the bed, which promptly fell apart beneath her.
* * * * *
We salute him, one and all
* * * * *
"Oh, now what?" Dande asked, as she walked into the waiting room and saw two more patients.
"Uh…it's kinda a long story." BrendaK said, looking sheepishly at Dr. Dandelow.
"Let me guess. You are also victims of the Yoda/Mace feud." Dande inspected BrendaK's fingers, which seemed to be Superglued onto Qui-Gon's beard. She tried to lift up one of BrendaK's hands.
"Ow!" Qui-Gon barked.
"Don't be such a baby," Dande instructed. So far, there had already been two casualties of Yoda's latest attack. This made two more. She'd have to call Darry if things got worse.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" The "ows" got increasingly louder as Emmy and her date made their way into the clinic. They sat down in the two remaining empty chairs.
"Ow!"
"Shush," Emmy said.
"So, can you do anything about this?" BrendaK asked Dande.
"Just wait until I get some more solvent. I used up a whole bottle just getting Jenn and Mace…well…never mind." She went into the back, opened a box, and called Darry.
"Flavoured massage oil?" BrendaK asked the other two patients, trying not to stare.
"Jar of sticky glitter," Emmy replied
* * * * *
Hail to the chief
* * * * *
"I will have order in here!" Valorum pounded his gavel, as the Senate became one big shouting match. Slowly, silence returned to the enormous hall.
"Continue."
Bail Antilles returned to his lengthy oration on the latest parks and wildlife development strategies that his planet was boasting. This, along with the fact that Alderaan had one of the highest standards of living, had effectively eliminated the crime rate, and had the happiest population of the galaxy was a never-ending source of irritation for most of the delegates. His long speeches, regaling the Senate with the value of these facts, were also a never-ending source of irritation.
In the Naboo senate box, Darry circled another answer in the latest Cosmo quiz. Senator Palpatine was half-listening to Antilles and whispering into Darry's ear. She occasionally almost blushed.
Her comlink beeped and she answered it. Palpatine took over answering the magazine quiz.
"And in addition, within the next 50 years, Alderaan will effectively be able to decommission its armies, thereby making it not only one of the most prosperous planets, but also one of the most peaceful, as well."
The collective ennui of the delegates threatened to induce mass narcolepsy. Thankfully it was broken.
An angry shout echoed across the vast hall. "I can't leave now just because a bunch of silly Jedi and Hunkettes are stuck to each other!"
If nothing else, it woke everyone up.
* * * * *
Stuck on you
* * * * *
"Mace, this is your fault!" Panth fumed, toothbrush held firmly in her hand…for the last three hours.
Mace, still a little chafed from his own Superglue ordeal, bristled at Panth's accusation. Then he called upon years of negotiation skills and exercises in patience in order to make the appropriate response.
"Is not!"
"Oh, come on!" shouted Vicki, still holding the two potholders which were glued to her hands, "If you hadn't dumped 3 tons of kitty litter into Yoda's quarters, he would never have done this."
The line at the clinic had gotten longer throughout the day. Darry had come home to help, now wishing she hadn't.
"Hold still," she instructed JenJen. Yoda had been ruthless, hitting every room. JenJen's shoes were firmly glued onto her feet.
"Don't you usually wear scrubs or a uniform when you work in the clinic?" she asked Darry.
"I do when I'm not glued into the clothes I changed into when I got home." Slowly, the solvent worked its magic on JenJen's feet.
"Next!" Darry shouted.
"Hey! I distinctly remember you at LHS," Laure said as she sat down on the examining table.
"I did go to LHS," Darry grumbled, wondering how she was going to unattach Laure from her precious Buffy videocassette. If Darry messed up the tape, she'd never hear the end of it.
"Then why are you wearing an Anchorhead High School T-shirt?" Laure asked.
"Grrrrrrrrr….." Darry replied.
* * * * *
I've got this feeling down deep in my soul
* * * * *
Kayla fumed while Dande opened up yet another jar of solvent. "I will never look at this thing again," she declared.
"Oh c'mon, you love computers."
"Not anymore," Kayla spat as the keyboard was peeled out of her grip.
"Ok, Mace, who's next?" Dande called. Mace had been relegated to work as the appointment secretary since it was discovered that he was the cause of this misery. The clinic staff was also aware that this new job put him in the line of fire of the clients.
"Eiluned!" Mace called. She glared at him as she walked by. Luckily for him, he couldn't see her expression, as it was obscured by the sunglasses.
"Next!" Darry called, as Laure and her videotape were lovingly separated.
Jael and Diebin approached. "Well? Who does it belong to?" Darry asked.
"Me!" cried Jael.
"Me!" cried Diebin.
"I'll let you fight over it, once, you're unstuck." Both were gripping either end of the flash new scanner Kayla had just purchased for the Temple.
"Carolann, what were you doing?" Dande asked.
"What the hell does it look like I was doing?" Carolann thrust the business end of the plunger in Dande's direction.
Dorotea and Aya appeared, both holding handfuls of graying brown hair. "Guess you haven't spoken to BrendaK today, huh?" Darry asked.
"No," Dorotea said.
"Why?" Aya asked.
* * * * *
That I just can't lose
* * * * *
Darry walked behind the curtained section of the clinic to help Dande with two more patients.
"Rolled over on it?" Darry asked. "He always forgets to put it away."
"Aha!" yelled Banaoire, pointing. "I knew it!" She winced as Darry began to pry Luke's lightsaber from off her back.
"What?" Tasha shouted back. Dande was trying to rub out the red and black stain from Tasha's chest. "This is from my sweater!"
"Uh, Tash," Dande said quietly as the stain peeled off, "This isn't from a sweater….this is skin."
"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Tasha said through gritted teeth.
* * * * *
Guess I'm on my way
* * * * *
"Well, since no body feels particularly in the mood to party, I suggest an alternative," Laura said to the assembled slowly-recovering group.
* * * * *
Needed a friend
* * * * *
"What's the next one?" Angela asked, as she carefully stepped around the people.
"Raiders of the Lost Ark," Maeve said as she popped the video in to the player with just her fingertips.
No one was taking any chances. The entire group was sitting on the floor in the large lounge, not touching anything, including each other.
"Pizza!" Vicki shouted as she walked into the room with the take-out. She wasn't going back into the kitchen just yet.
Ziggy walked in carrying the mail.
"What about all the decorations?" Jael asked.
"Leave 'em there till Fourth of July," Kim suggested.
"This is hardly the way to celebrate President's Day," Qui-Gon said. He ducked, but the anticipated hurled objects didn't appear. People were being extremely cautious.
"Well, then you'll appreciate this," Ziggy said to him. "We've just been given 10,000 shares of stock in the Superglue solvent industry by order of their president. Says they've never had such a big order."
"Well, that's a president of sorts, although I'm sure you all really should be a bit more reverent," Qui-Gon said. An empty pizza box hit him squarely in the head.
END
Traditional lyrics and Lionel Richie