*****
She's a brick house…
*****
"Who put Mace in charge of music again," Ziggy moaned from the top of the stairs.
In the clinic Dande looked at the thermometer sticking out of Darry's mouth.
"One hundred and two. Time for bed. Go get your stuff and bring it down here. I'm quarantining you until you feel better".
"But the party!" Darry whined. Dande felt Darry's neck.
"Don't 'but, the party' me. If you get us all sick, we'll kill you."
"This is Vicki's fault. If she hadn't breathed all over me while we were watching Washington cross the Delaware last week, I'd be fine now."
"Yes, and if I had invested in Microsoft and ILM twenty years ago, I'd be a millionaire. Now go!" Dande pointed at the clinic door.
Darry shuffled out of the clinic. Dande pulled the covers down and plumped up the pillows on one of the two double beds in the rear of the infirmary. She filled the aromatherapy beaker, and placed all of the necessary sick-person's stuff on the table by the bed: Kleenex, glass of water, grapes, chocolates and cheap romance novel.
Darry returned wearing her blue and white striped pyjamas, green bathrobe, terry slippers and carried a stuffed toy. "I hate you."
"Yes, of course. Now get into bed. I'll be right back." Dande went to the medicine cupboard and filled two cups with pills and liquid. These she brought back to Darry. "Now take these and go to sleep. I'll be back to check your temperature in a couple of hours."
"Well, let me know if the world comes to an end or the rioting begins!" shouted Darry. "I want to loot Target!"
*****
When you were young and your heart was an open book, you used to say live
and let live…
*****
"Who wants to limbo?"
"Limbo I can do!" came an annoying voice. "Limbo I will win!"
"Would somebody shut him up?" called a voice from the direction of the sound system equipment.
"I have an idea," shouted Emmy. She grabbed Yoda and manhandled him down the hall. "Panth, a little help, please?
"Let go of me you will! Fun I am not having!"
"Mind whammy work does not," Panth reminded him as they tossed him into the kitchen.
Vicki turned from the stove and saw Yoda come to rolling stop inches from her feet.
"Are you still cooking?" Panth asked.
"I'm making chicken soup for Darry."
"We need as much candy as you have in here," Emmy said. Vicki motioned toward the bags marked Sam's Club and Costco sitting by the butcher block.
"I was gonna put those in bowls and leave them around the Temple later."
"Nah, I've got a better idea." Emmy began shoving handfuls of candy down Yoda's tunic. Panth held him down.
Just then, the sound of an engine came wafting through the kitchen.
"What the fuck is that?" Vicki shouted. She abandoned the soup and walked down the hall toward the foyer. She returned a few minutes later, just as Emmy had succeeded in stuffing three bagfuls of candy into Yoda's clothing.
"OK, I don't get it, but it's funny anyway."
Emmy and Panth dragged Yoda back out. In the foyer, Qui-Gon, who had changed into a red plaid shirt and overalls, was tearing apart the Christmas tree with a chain saw. Beside him, Jenn jumped up and down, clapping her hands.
"Look! It's lumberjack Qui!" Panth shouted.
Kayla, Laura, Kim, Angela and all the other Qui-chicks came running into the hall from various parts of the Temple.
Emmy shoved Yoda into the coat closet and locked the door.
"Jenn, let me know when he's done. I have a new game we can play when the tree's down."
*****
Oh, I love the nightlife; I got to boogie, on the disco rooounnnndddd, oh
yeah…
*****
Carolann walked into the main parlour where the Jedi Temple's older padwans were being taught a lesson in strategy.
"OK," said Harleen. "Whose turn is it?" A young man at the table in the corner raised his hand.
"Go for it!"
"Uh, G-19" he called. Several people at different tables called "Hit."
"Right," said Harleen, walking through the maze of tables. "What are we up to? Sashes?"
Several of the padawans, unwrapped their sashes.
Carolann looked around and saw Jael sitting at a table, keeping score.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Strip Battleship," Jael responded.
"Of course." A loud crash came from the foyer, followed by girlie cheering.
"What's going on out there?" called Leia from another table.
"Qui-Gon's taking the tree down", Carolann said as she went to inspect how the other rooms were doing.
*****
Play that funky music white boy…
*****
"Luke!" Vicki yelled over the roar of the chain saw and Mace's latest musical selection.
"What!" came the response from the dining room, where about 20 people still sat picking at leftovers and dessert.
"Come take this soup to Darry." He walked in and she handed him a covered bowl and a plate of bread. "And don't dawdle," she said, wagging a finger at him. "The soup will just get cold and you'll only get sick."
He smiled and walked with the tray toward the stairs that led to the clinic.
*****
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi...
*****
Tasha walked into the room upstairs where Laure had been entertaining the younger padawans.
They were all asleep and the watcher droid sat keeping an eye on them.
Laure made a "sh-shing" motion and closed the door. "I need to get changed into my party frock."
"Boy, Darry sure knows some talented people," Tasha said. "How'd you get them all to fall asleep at the same time?"
"Well, first I started with a Teletubbie's video. Then I think we watched everything Disney ever produced, and that still didn't work. Finally I resorted to drastic measures."
"What was that?" Tasha asked as they made their way to the guestroom Laure was occupying.
"I made them watch an interview with George Lucas. They were all out in under five minutes."
*****
Bamba le-o, bamba le-a…
*****
"Piñata time!" Emmy cried.
Panth held one end of a rope, which was wound over the banister. On the other end dangled Yoda.
"Kayla, we'll need your new lightsaber over here." There came a collective shout. "No, as much as I'd like to use them, real lightsabers are out. Ok, Laura, you're first. Here's the blindfold."
*****
Lust for life! Gotta lust for life!
*****
The library had been turned into a bar. Those padawans who were not engaged in the battle on the high seas were learning the intricacies of playing quarters and other high-brow drinking games.
"That doesn't sound like Mace music," Dorotea cheered. "In fact, isn't that on the 'Trainspotting' soundtrack?"
"Believe you're right," said Aya, looking at her watch.
"Give me that remote control!" Mace shouted from the entertainment room. "Don't make me get medieval on your ass!"
"Mwoohahahahahaha!" came the response.
*****
Feliz navidad…feliz navidad…
*****
WHACK!
"Ouch!"
Candy rained from the Jedi Master who slowly rotated from the ceiling.
*****
Da-da-da-da-DAH-da…da-da-da-da-DA-da…da-da-da-da-DA-da!
*****
The musical "noise" became louder in the clinic. The conga line had made its way down to this level and passed by the automatic door opener. Darry was oblivious, which was a pity, because it wasn't often that one saw almost the entire Jedi Council drunk and conga-ing.
*****
Show me the way to go home. I'm tired and I want to go to bed…
*****
Around two o'clock, a figure padded into the darkened infirmary in bare feet and wearing only sleep trousers. He carried a champagne flute in his hand.
He made his way to the occupied bed. The tealight still burned and the aroma of eucalyptus filled the warm air. The floor below the bed was littered with wadded-up tissues. The figure placed the glass on the table next to the bed, pushing the cup, glass, tissue box and book aside.
He pulled the covers back and slid into bed beside Darry, who stirred and began sneezing. Her nose was red and her eyes were puffy. She looked like she was about 15 years old in her pyjamas.
"Here, baby, happy New Year." He handed her the glass as she squinted up at him.
"This is champagne?" Her voice was hoarse. She eyed the green liquid in the flute.
"No, it's Nyquil. Dande told me it was time for you to take it." He pulled the covers back over them both while Darry drank the medicine.
"Aren't you afraid of getting sick?"
"Me? Nah, I'm indestructible."
Darry began coughing.
He took the glass out of her hand before she dropped it and set it back on the table. He handed her the box of Kleenex and snuggled up next to her.
"Now, time for sleep." He pulled her to him.
*****
Workin' nine to five, it's no way to make a living…
*****
Senator Palpatine paced back and forth in his home on Naboo. Where the Sith was that speech he was to give tomorrow? He had left Coruscant two days previous. Darry had said she had packed it with the rest of his things. Then she announced she was taking the next day off because she was feeling a little under the weather and didn't want to miss the joint Jedi and Hunkette Temples' New Year's party. It wasn't time to change dates in the Republic yet, so he assumed that it was a holiday on that obscure planet Darry and most of the Hunkettes came from. He vowed, after hearing her review of their so-called "Christmas/Chanukah/Solstice/Kwanzaa" party, never to go there.
Once again, he was unable to connect to the Hunkette Temple. As much as he detested it, he tried to contact the Jedi Temple. The call was connected immediately...to the answering machine.
"Jedi Temple you have reached. Guardians of peace and justice in the Republic we are. Your call no one can take at the moment. Your business important to us is. Your name, system, nature of crisis and number where you can be reached at the sound of the tone you will leave. Get back to as soon as we can will we. May the Force be with you."
She wasn't at the Jedi Temple then. He redialed the Hunkette Temple and got through this time. He followed the voice prompts to reach Darry. Her calls were being forwarded to the clinic.
"Ngghhhh…?"
She sounded awful. Well, she had mentioned that she was feeling ill.
"Ms. Willis, where is the speech that I am supposed to give while I'm on Naboo? You said you packed it, but I don't seem to be able to find it."
A long silence ensued. "Darry, I think it's for you…"
Palpatine heard shuffling noises, then "Oof, sorry". More shuffling. "The com's over here…"
At length, Darry's irritated voice filtered across the ether. "You do know it's four o'clock in the morning here?"
"Is it?" Palpatine asked. "Oh, I beg your pardon…so, my speech is where, exactly?"
Something like a resigned sigh came from the com. "It's on the datapad in the pocket of the purple tunic I told you to wear when giving the address."
"And where is the purple tunic?"
"What's this guy's problem, anyway?"
"Shh! He's really important and not someone you want to piss off. What the hell is this I'm lying on?"
"Me."
"Ms. Willis, the tunic?"
"No, I mean this." Shuffle, shuffle.
"That's my hair tie."
"It's packed in the big suitcase. From your braid or the ponytail? And how'd it end up here?"
"Which big suitcase?"
"Ponytail. Maybe you pulled it out."
"In my sleep? Maybe YOU pulled it out."
"Why would I do that? Here, give it to me."
"It's the one with the black outfit in it."
"Which black outfit?"
"No, turn around; I'll tie it back up. Your hair really does look funny down like that."
"Ms. Willis, which black outfit?"
"Well, that's why I wear it in a ponytail."
"That little black number you're so fond of, remember?"
"Ah, yes, that one."
"There, is that better?"
"Much. That Nyquil musta really helped."
"Yeah, I'm feeling a little more alive. Are we done now?"
"No."
"Shh!"
"Yes, thank you. Oh, and Ms. Willis, you were right. The Queen did like the hair scrunchies and Pokeman trading cards you gave me to give her."
"C'mere."
"Goodbye, Senator."
"Goodb-" the connection was cut before he could finish. He went back into the dressing room to retrieve the purple tunic.
*****
Should all acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind...
*****
Happy New Year, Hunkettes!
End