Bumper Stickers
- Horn broken. Watch for finger.
- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an
idiot.
- All generalizations are false.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- I brake for no apparent reason.
- Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
- I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn
signal.
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
- Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.
Dorothy.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
- I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Forget the Jone's, I keep up with the Simpsons.
- Born free... Taxed to death.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him
sleep.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
- Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
vegetarian.
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt - in case heaven
is like the IRS.
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- No radio - Already stolen.
- Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
- Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power
surges.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
- Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
- Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
- IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its
students.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
- Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get
worse.
- Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move
bodies.
- Very funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes.
- Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere
may be happy.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- I souport publik edekashun.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
- There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and
those who can't.
- Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
- Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
- Keep honking... I'm reloading.
- Caution: I drive like you do.
- Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
- Jesus is coming, look busy!
- Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)
- JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!
- I've found Jesus... He's in my trunk
- Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
- I have nothing against god, it's his followers that I can't stand
- Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over
- Geez if you belive in honkus.
- The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
- I FOUND JESUS...he's in the truck of my car...you can see him for five dollars.
- Born again pagan.
God, please protect me from your followers.
- God is living in Canada and doesn't want to get involved!
- Do I look like a Hemroid? Then get off my ass
- Backoff I'm a postal worker.
- Of course you're faster, but I'm driving in front of you.
- Now that you are on my ass you wanna get married?
- I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it call a cop!
- I'm not tailgaiting I'm drafting!
- I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada
- If you can read this, your to close. (Written in brail)
- If you can read this, you're in phaser range
- Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
- Do Not Tailgate. Or I Will Flick a Booger on Your windshield!
- I'm not in heat SO GET OFF MY TAIL!
- Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
- This car protected by a pissed off mother with a .45 auto.
- Hold on before you pass, I'm reloading.
- I have PMS and a gun.....excuse me, did you have something to say?
- Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
- Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition
- I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
- This car protected by Smith & Wesson
- Fight crime, shoot back
- If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children
- Gun control means using both hands!
- Gun control is being able to hit your target
- Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier
- My karma ran over your dogma.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- Friends don't let friends drive naked.
- If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
- Caution! Driver's applying make-up
- CAUTION : Driver Singing
- The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
- Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
- FORGET ABOUT WORLD PEACE...VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
- If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt
- Hang up and drive
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
- Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!
- It was only a lane change!
- I drive this way just to piss you off.
-
- Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept.
- Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
- Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
- Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
- So many pedestrians, so little time.
- Lost your cat? Look under my tires
- <----Passing Side / Suicide---->
- Hang up and drive
- I wonder how you'd drive with that car phone shoved up your ass?
- Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
- Welcome to Texas, now go home.
- Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.
- Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
- I Cayman went.
- Wisconsin: Smell our dairy air!
- WELCOME TO IDAHO. NOW GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA
- If Texas is so great, what are you doing in New Mexico?
- DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
- I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning
- A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
- An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
- Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer
- If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
- Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- I have a problem with drinking... two hands and only one mouth
- Honk if you hate noise pollution
- Clap one hand if you love Budda
- Honk if you don't give a damn
- Honk if you love cheese.
- Honk if you're illiterate
- Mafia staff car.
- MY OTHER TARDIS IS A POLICE BOX
- My other car is a Zamboni
- My other car is Christine, and she's right behind you!
- My wife's other car is a broom.
- This is not an abandoned vehicle.
- Do Not Wash - this vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test
- This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
- We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
- When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
- I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.
- I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!
- LOVE: TWO VOWELS, TWO CONSONANTS, TWO FOOLS
- Dad's the boss. Right Mommy?
- THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE
- SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
- Thank you for not breeding
- YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
- Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
- So many stupid people, So few comets
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- Stop Inbreding! Ban country music.
- When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws children will evolve.
- A fool and his money are my best friends
- It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
- Change is inevitable... except from vending machines
- Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
- Hit me, I need money
- Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
- Alex Grushow
- If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
- A fool and his money are soon partying
- IF YOU'RE RICH, I'M SINGLE
- Bright red meat is good for you. Fuzzy green meat is not good for you.
- Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
- There are only 2 choices on the menu: take it or leave it.
- I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables
- I like cats, they taste just like chicken.
- If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- Cat... the other white meat.
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- Grow your own dope, plant a man.
- Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
- Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds
- FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT
- I'm the person your mother warned you about!
- Men aren't pigs....pigs are gentle, cute creatures!
- Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog
- If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons
- When God made man she was only kidding!
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- Normal people worry me
- Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, your it
- I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT
- Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
- Support mental health or I'll kill you
- Sometimes I wish life had subtitles
- If you're happy and you know it see a shrink
- P.M.S ?!! Hell, this is one of my better days!!
- Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
- If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
- I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
- Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
- Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
- My other wife is beautiful.
- Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
- Never fight ugly people they have nothing to loose
- Us blondes aren't bumb
- If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
- Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
- When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
- HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
- i souport publik edekashun
- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of it's students.
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
- I is a college student.
- HUKED ON FONIKS WERKD FER ME!
- My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
- The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
- The question of fishing is not a matter of life or death... it's more important than that.
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish
- My kid can beat up your honor student
- My honor student fired your stupid kid
- My child was inmate of the month at the county jail
- My kid had sex with your honor student.
- Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
- Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
- I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
- Don't steal. The government hates competition.
- Hug a Logger you will never go back to trees
- Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD!
- Archeologists will date any old thing
- Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
- Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse.
- Give Blood Play Hockey
- Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
- U.S. MARINE CORPS.--Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!
- Support a Lawyer - Become a Doctor
- FIREFIGHTERS FIND THEM HOT AND LEAVE EM WET
- Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
- Honk if you've been groped by Clinton
- Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
- When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
- Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
- Eschew obfuscation.
- Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
- Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Is there life before coffee?
- Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
- The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
- I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
- Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
- Nuke the unborn baby whales.
- I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
- There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
- Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.
- If it's too loud, you're too old.
- Wink. I'll do the rest.
- Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Who cares who's on board?
- Die Yuppie Scum.
- No radio. Already stolen.
- Exxon Suxx.
- Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
- I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. - Dorian Hausman
- Pray for Whirled Peas!
- It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.
- It's not how you pick it, but where you flick it
- They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and get it!
- Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
- I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
- I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead
- Defecation eventuates.
- Fleece on earth, good wool to ewe.
- If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them
- Nonconformists are all alike.
- Hug your kids at home-belt them in the car!
- Car will explode upon impact
- Don't piss me off. i'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Don't laugh at these fogged up windows it's your daughter in here
- Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
- Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing hunt a dinosaur
- CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
- DIPLOMACY IS THAT ART OF SAYING "NICE DOGGIE!"...TILL YOU CAN FIND A ROCK
- I LIKE YOU BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU WORKING WITH SUB-ATOMIC PARTICLES
- LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
- ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST
- PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE - VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE
- WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF SMART
- PURITANISM: THE HAUNTING FEAR THAT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE MAY BE HAPPY
- End racism...kill everyone
- Indians discovered Columbus
- Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
- If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it
- Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
- Conserve Water; Shower with a friend
- Let me tell you about my bowel movements.
- If you are not the lead truck, the scenary never changes.
- All generalizations are false.
- If I roll up my windows and lock the doors, its because you smell horrible
- Custer got Siouxed
- Compost happens
- Bad cop...no donut.
- I'm pro choice, I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat and wear fur.
- Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
- The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
- Just visiting this planet
- Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water.
- DAM : Mothers Against Dislexia
- Dislexics of the world... UNTIE!!
- I will never put off 'till tomorrow what I can forget about forever
- Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons For You Are Crunchy And
- Good With Ketchup.
- Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.
- Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
- HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down!
- I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.
- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
- One who farts in church sits in his own pew.
- I do everything my rice krispies tell me to do
Earth first! We'll strip mine the other planets later!
- Very funny Scotty, Now beam down my Clothes!!!
- STOP CONTINENTAL DRIFT!
- I Hate Coffee--It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
- I want to make love in the worst way--standing up in a canoe
- There was nothing Great about the Depression.
- HELP END POVERTY--EAT THE POOR
- The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
- The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock
- Don't show your public hair, while in pubic.
- Bad spellers of the world enight!
- Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
- Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- A friend in need... can be a real pain in the ass.
- If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
- BE KIND TO YOUR CHILDREN; THEY CHOOSE YOUR NURSING HOME.
- Not tonite dear, I have a modem!
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't
Science Exam Quotes (They're Real)
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers.
The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out,
and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a
condominium.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking
about.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of
the bull.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a
great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous
generation and study of rocks.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual
manufactures another individual by accident.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
triangle.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite
so often in the winter.
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the soul.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human
branes have more convulsions.
For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her
arm above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it
gently back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he
has not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up
and down to make artificial perspiration.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it
drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a
blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood
is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets
have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ
did long ago in wintertime.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
PAGE 2
AISHWARYA RAI | RANI MUKHERJEE | SONALI BENDRE |
KHARISHMA KAPOOR | KAJOL |
EDITED PICTURES |
DESI HUMOR | MISCELLANEOUS HUMOR |
ABOUT MYSELF
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