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'80s Cars |
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When you think of an '80s car, this is what you think of. The IROC-Z was what the cool kids drove in 1987. If you drove an IROC back then, YOU GOT LAID. Hell, the mullet is called an IROC cut in some parts of the country. We all know that the mullet was the haircut of the '80s. The IROC was reasonably fast, handled great, and has styling that any great American will drool over. Don't let those dirty bastards in Wheatus tell you that only drug dealers drive IROCs. Wheatus eats newborn kittens while watching Oprah. They are evil, and their career is over. Click anywhere that you normally do for www.thirdgen.org which is a very informative site about all '82-'92 Camaros and Firebirds. BTW, this is my car. The whole "drive an IROC, get tons of pussy" thing doesn't work any more. At the time this picture was taken, I apparently wasn't very big on cleaning my wheels. Find out what is lurking under the hood |
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"So you kids think that you're bad. You know what bad is? Bad is getting shot twelve times in the leg trying to escape! Bad is getting a fork stuck in your eye! So do you still think you're bad? Huh?" -- Prisoner on "Beavis and Butthead" in the "Scared Straight" episode. The turbocharged Buick Regals of '82-'87 (in T-Type, Grand National and GNX forms) were bad. They look stealthy, are very quick stock, and ride like a Cadillac (you know someone is old if they use terms like "ride like a Cadillac"). According to Buick wizards you can have these cars in the 12s in the quarter for less than $600, excluding tires. I wish I could say that about my car. I think I see a fork stuck in this car's headlights. |
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Corvettes of the '80s were cool as ever. The Corvette hallmarks of good looks, great performance and flipping over were definitely there in the '80s. From the ultra-rad silver-green and silver-blue cars of the early eighties to the early ZR-1s of the late '80s, every '80s 'Vette was cool. The '82s had Cross-Fire Injection, which is one of the most underrated induction systems ever. Find out about the only surviving '83 Corvette prototype, or die! |
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John DeLorian was a great man. A former Pontiac designer, he brought us the Firebird and put the screaming chicken on the hood of the Trans Am. It is my contention that screaming chickens should still adorn the hoods of Trans Ams today. After breaking away from GM, DeLorian started his own car company. The car featured gullwing doors, a stainless-steel body, and Hurricane wheels. They weren't that fast, but look awesome and score you major cool points. The DeLorain disappeared after three years of losing money and John DeLorian's drug dealing scandal. Head on over to my Night of the Living '80s Yahoo! Club to see a picture of a mortal sin committed against a DeLorian. All this, and I didn't mention Marty McFly or flux capacitors. | |
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The '80s Mustang was the big turnaround after the awful Mustang IIs of the '70s. I like the early '80s cars best, especially the turbocharged 4-cylinder SVO cars. The late '80s ones have been ruined by pissed off teenagers and twentysomethings with noisy exhausts, gold chains around their neck, and fade haircuts. Note to Mustang owners: I wrote this in 1998 to bust the balls of my Mustang -driving friends because I didn't have any IROC pals. My drummer, who drives a 10-second Mustang, has a fade and wears gold chains will probably kick me out of the band when he sees this. That's going to suck. | |
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The '80s Blazers and Jimmys are neat little trucks. Every single one of them costs $2500. They are great off road, and will take a Chevy small-block easily. Not only that, they have vacuum-operated four wheel drive engagement systems that never need maintenance [note from Blazer expert: Gordon is a fucking liar about that part]. | |
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In the words of San Francisco heavy metal guru Brian Lew, "Death, death, resounding death!" Although that was written in Metal Mania magazine to describe a 1983 Metallica show, it can apply to 3-wheelers as well. In some of the most infamous lawsuits of the '80s (and there were a lot of lawsuits in the '80s, the words "lawn darts" come to mind) three-wheeled ATVs took a beating and were eventually outlawed on January 1, 1987. People thought that they were dangerous, and that their kids were dying wholesale because of the "rolling electric chair". Those people should be forced to ride a three-wheeler that is much too large for them with bad brakes off of a cliff while riding double with no helmet on, just like their children did. Now, let's see who is stupid: The motorcycle companies with many brilliant engineers, millions of dollars in research and development and highly experienced test riders who put the OK stamp on the vehicles, or the parents who allowed both of their helmetless children to ride a malfunctioning, oversized motorized vehicle that was designed for one person. | |
