Gordon's Mega-Rad
This is what it looked like in 1998. Dirty.
It's '80s, it's sorta fast, it was built in southern Ohio, it has bright red leather, and it rules. It's my wheels of steel. "She's got wheels/wheels of steel. She's got wheels of steel/talkin' bout my wheels of steel" - Saxon, "Wheels of Steel". Actually, my car's got aluminum wheels, but that would make a shitty song. If you've ever watched a car show on TV, you know that a lot of people like hearing the stories behind the cars featured on the program. Well, here goes:
In 1995 (yeah, I know you came here to hear about the '80s, not the lame-ass '90s, but listen anyway) I needed a car. Of course, as an '80s nut, I had to have a third-generation F-body. I went after this one because it had only 26,000 miles, has some great mods, and it rocks. Here's the part that the old guys will love: This is allegedly the only car with this combination built in '87. No other black IROC-Z featured a 350, T-tops, a red leather interior, and an automatic transmission that year. The guy who bought it had a family member that worked at the Camaro plant in Norwood, Ohio, which authorized the oddball combination. There you go, old story mongers! My theory is that he needed the bright red leather interior to match his red leather jacket. I mean, hell, it was 1987! Red didn't mean maroon in those days. When I originally purchased it it had a pullout stereo. Early '90s fans may recall seeing people carry their pullout stereos through the mall with them. Now it's time to head to the world of Whitesnake, acid washed jean jackets, thin gold chains with crosses (even if you're not Catholic), diamond stud earrings in the left ear only, white sneakers, long burnouts, meeting chicks, Europe (the band), and electrical problems that is the land of IROC-Z!
These are some new pics that are hot off the presses. Yes, I know my wheels are out of style. I'd rather spend money elsewhere right now.
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jazz:
Engine: 350 Tuned Port Injection Transmission: Second generation TH 700R4 w/shift kit Interior: Eye-searing bright red leather |
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Options: All of them, including pointless rear-view mirror auto dimmer and zany day planner in the upper console Wheels: American Racing Rear end: Stock 3.27 gears Tires: Dunlop Sport 8000, 245/50/16 and 255/50/16 Spoiler: '88 Fiero GT Best trip down the 1320: 14.16 at 97 mph. Here's what happened: It was 70 degrees with low humidity at Kil-Kare Dragway in Xenia, Ohio. The tires were pretty bald. I don't want to kill the transmission, so I do not shift manually. With my new tires, some better driving, and a bag of ice on the intake, I should be able to pick up another half second. Watch out, ratty old trailer park cars! Update: I've began racing a lot of 1/8th mile lately So far my best is a 9.05 at 80 mph in the summer heat on an uphill track.
Engine mods and bolt-ons: K&N filters Arizona Speed & Marine 52mm throttle body MAF screen in the garbage can 160 degree thermostat Baffles cut out from air inlets Aftermarket pulleys Adjustable fuel pressure regulator and Accel gauge SLP intake runners Mystery aftermarket fuel rails Three-angle valve job on the stock iron heads Accel distributor and plug wires MSD coil Hypertech chip Edelbrock headers, Y-pipe, exhaust Cat: gutted Throttle body coolant bypass Mystery top-end cam with fairly lopey idle NOS 125hp Powershot system (not currently hooked up) Estimated horsepower (no nitrous): 300 |
I made a special CD just to enjoy while driving an IROC. You must listen to it VERY LOUDLY and have your windows down. This will draw attention to your IROC and expose the Dubs-and-Escalade crew on the boulevard to some real music. Here's the track listing: 1. Great White "Rock Me" (7:18) 2. Deep Purple "Black Night" (3:26) 3. Diamond Head "Am I Evil?" (7:45) 4. Dio "Rainbow in the Dark" (4:14) 5. Dokken "Breaking the Chains" (3:50) 6. Judas Priest "You've Got Another Thing Comin'" (5:03) 7. Ratt "Back for More" (3:47) 8. Tesla "Comin' Atcha Live" (4:27) 9. Van Halen "Runnin with the Devil" (3:35) 10. W.A.S.P. "Wild Child" (5:03) 11. Yngwie J. Malmsteen "Rising Force" (4:24) 12. Ozzy Osbourne "Crazy Train" (4:57) 13. Joe Satriani "Summer Song" (5:00)
Wanna see what a properly built IROC can do?
This is an actual timeslip that I attained while racing my IROC. I'm number 7.
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Other bullshit: Stereo: Ah, who cares. I can blast the Metal Church nice and loud though! Window tinting: I'm not sure that I like this any more. Paint: Would be all original if some clown that shot himself with a nail gun didn't run me off the road on his way to the hospital. Front lower nose and left front fender have been repainted. Alarm: Viper Earl's stainless steel brake lines |
"You Drive an IROC"
by Anal Cunt - lyrics |
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Stuff that is fucked up: Windshield washer motor doesn't work, because it is an '80s GM product. Interior is made of crummy plastic that crumbles in your hand, like the seat belt cover and trim nuts The A/C has decided to do no more blowcold. Conversion to R-134a is coming soon.
Stuff that I am going to do at some point: Full Ignition kit Chuck the smog pump Port the stock plenum A nice pair of aluminum heads like AFR or Trick Flow An aftermarket torque converter Handling swag like control arms, subframe connectors, strut tower brace, shocks/struts Aluminum driveshaft and driveshaft loop Maybe some Drag Radials for strip use Good brakes Fix that damn nitrous
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