Early
'90s Bike Stuff
Note: this page has been specially formatted to look like an early '90s kitchen |
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You're not the only thing that wanted to be frightening in the early '90s. Your bike did, too! And, guess who was there to indulge you? The motocross parts and accessories industry. Even the motorcycle manufacturers wanted to cash in on bad taste. They did, with varying success. Suzuki was really good at the ugly game, cranking out hideous '91-'92 RM's and RMX's. Yamaha jumped on the pink brigade, Kawasaki stayed green, and Honda, try as they might, couldn't bring themselves to make an ugly bike. I don't think they have it in them. |
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OH, NO, NO, PLEASE GOD HELP ME!! We have already talked about John Bush (Armored Saint, Anthrax) being a prophet, but other heavy metal vocalists were also blessed with visions of the future. Ozzy Osbourne had a horrible nightmare in the fall of 1969. He saw this exact CEET ad in the dream and envisioned millions of dirt bikes zipping around stadiums, MX parks, and farm fields all over the world with these seat covers on them. When he told the other members of Black Sabbath about this dream, they knew that they would have to write a song warning the world of the coming danger. Thus, the song "Black Sabbath" was born. It is a tale of the day that Satan (which is what they called CEET early '90s covers for short) comes to claim the earth, A.K.A. the apocalypse. The sheer terror in the minds of the members of Black Sabbath made them adjust their amps to the most demonic settings ever to be heard at that point in order to draw attention to the prophecy. Unfortunately, only metalheads heeded the warning, while Sonny & Cher-listening public snapped up these seat covers like wildfire. I mean, they look so cool! They came in six types: 1) The mini-polka-dots-with-last-minute-squiggle. 2) "Dude! Don't sit down! There's a fucking spider on your seat!" (especially useful for teaching young riders not to sit down through the whoops). 3) Zebra fun. 4) Stock... WITH ATTITUDE! 5) No-slip gray that gets completely stained in two laps 6) Old lady's closet What really happened to Ozzy in the early '90s? Something that Ozzy feared even more than the apocalypse... Ronnie James Dio was re-hired as the lead singer of Black Sabbath. |
"Is this the end, my friend? Early '90s seat covers coming 'round the bend!" |
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The 1990 Suzuki RM 250, a great-looking motorcycle. Coming out in 1989 give it honorary '80s status. That means it was allowed to look good. |
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Yamaha owners were not left out in the cold by UFO. Their plastic kit allowed you to modify your YZ to look like a box of tampons, which is what every up-and-coming privateer wanted back then. |
Kawasaki riders really lucked out with the gnarly electric blue plastic (by UFO of course). They also got to experience what it was like to ride through a paint factory with the neato radiator shroud graphics. |
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SPIDER WEB SPLATTER-PAINT LEVERS! (can also be used for illicit gay sex at rest areas) |
Worst Use of the Term "Heavy Metal": Ever wanted to have a white exhaust pipe? How about a pink one? Don't be embarrassed on race day with a black or nickel-plated pipe. You need a Krause pipe! I don't know what's scarier, these pipes' $99 price tag or those mean-looking guitars and basses in the background. B.C. Rich? |
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Want to cover up that ugly aluminum swingarm with some sweet plastic? Maier sold swingarm "protectors" that keep you from seeing the swingarm paint that added $45 to the price of your bike. Also, it adds stealth, sine all early '90s MX bikes featured a displacement sticker on the swingarm. 250 riders will never know that you are on a 125 when you scream by them an 13,500 RPM. You can even sign up for the 80 class on a 500, since the workers will never know because you covered up the displacement sticker. Yes, it is available in pink AND purple! |
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Even your silencer was signed by Mr. Racing in the early '90s! |
The best is yet to come. The early '90s MX Casuals Page is next |