One of the biggest laughingstocks of the early '90s was M.C. Hammer. Many remember his Taco Bell commercial where he and his entourage jumped off of the top of a building only to have their monstrous pants act as parachutes and save their lives. This commercial alone is enough to satirize fashion trends of the '90s. Unfortunately, his baggy pants caught on with the kids and set a fashion trend for the rest of the decade. Yes, it was all his fault.

Vanilla Ice was not a three-time AMA National Motocross champion and he never rode for Team Honda. Unfortunately, he said otherwise. Keep track of him with Ice Watch.

There is nothing that I hated more than C and C Music Factory in the early '90s. Well, maybe Darkwing Duck.

Twin Peaks made about as much sense as those 2000-2001 Dennis Miller Monday Night Football quotes. "That receiver was going about as fast as Walter Mitty driving Mae West to see an Stoterologist about her Poughqipsoid Seizures. We need passer/receiver equilibrium Mr. C-minus in Microeconomics 115!" It kind of sucks without him around.

Billy Ray Cyrus hasn't sold out, cut his mullet or conformed to the mainstream. That's commendable, but since he is lame it is a moot point. It sucks donkey dick that I live so close to the to the Billy Ray Cyrus Freeway.

My Early '90s Motocross Gear Hate Page gives another example of how the early '90s sucked.

Alice In Chains made some of the doomiest music in America's history. They will teach you to stay the fuck away from heroin.

Seinfeld was one of the most entertaining shows ever. It may have kept me from commiting suicide during "The Dark Times".

Watch out for those horrible early episodes with black Smithers and Bart saying "Eat my shorts! " all the time.  There were too many "Lisa shows", everyone looked funny and Homer sounded like he was choking on his own puke. Those episodes belong in the other column.

In Living Color made my ass fall off on several occasions and was always there for some good entertainment. Every once in a while, though, these nasty early '90s chicks would come out wearing ugly early '90s clothes and do some stupid early '90s dance to some crappy early '90s dance song (see "Everybody Dance Now," "Whoomp! There It Is," "The Humpty Dance".) That part was painful, but we survived.

Time for an early '90s flashback: I remember arriving home from middle school each day and enjoying the Turtles. It was the only alternative to the totalitarian regime known as the "Disney Afternoon." I never really realized how shitty the Disney Afternoon shows (except DuckTales to some extent) were until they recently started showing them again on Toon Disney. They are fucking awful. The music is so overly orchestrated and pretentious that it makes you want to die. It is almost impossible to laugh during them because they don't have any jokes. They're basically "watch a bunch of animals do shit" shows. That's not TV, that's the zoo. Thank God for TMNT.

It is quite insulting to see large retailers try to unload old used Super Nintendo tapes for $20 these days when they're all over flea markets for $1.50. The ultimate solution is to download zSNES.

GMC Syclone/Typhoon: kill them in style