Preface to the story. If you have never seen or heard of the popular late 70's-early 80's t.v. show "The Dukes of Hazzard", you WILL NOT understand this. But if you are one of the few who DO remember the show, read on. I'll jog your memory since I am an avid DOH watcher...
Characters:
Bo Duke: Blond babe...he was on every woman's mind back then. I had a lunch box with the Dukes on it and my teacher used to look at it everyday at lunch!
Luke Duke: Not the most popular Duke, but everyone still liked him. He was odd at times but always seemed to have the solution to most problems. He liked hanging around Bo a whole lot.
Uncle Jesse: The Duke boys uncle. Uncle Jesse let his nefews live and work on his farm. He was always into whatever schemes them boys got in.,
Daisy Duke: Yep. The one who brought "Look at dem girls wit dem Daisy Dukes on!" into the urban world. Live in hoochie on the show and in Hazzard County. She is Uncle Jesse's daughter and Bo and Luke's cousin.
Sheriff Rosco P Coletrain: Truly, the best part of the show was Rosco. He was the dumb, bossy sheriff of those parts. He always was on the Duke Boys tail. He was only obeying orders from his....
Boss Hogg: The old man in the white suit...(ringin any bells?) he wanted the Duke Farm so bad but he never got it! Boss was truly the most rich and powerful man in Hazzard County. He owned the Boar's Nest bar.
Deputy Enos: The sweet southern gentleman. He did whatever Rosco told him to do...no matter how dumb the situation was!
The General Lee: The car of the show-the Dukes used it many times to get away from the Sheriff. It was a fast car with a big 01 on the side of it.
The Dukes of Orlando
**The Duke Boys, Justin and JC Duke, are swimming in Ole Man Kelsey's pond.**
Justin: Quit splashin me foo! I be hittin yo white ass out of dis here pond!
JC: Ohhh Justin! No you wouldn't because we have to perform for the Cypress Country Barn Dance tonight, silly!
Justin: Oh yeah, homie! Dat gonna be phat. I heards dat der is gonna be some tight ass hunnies dere!
JC: Oh. I don't care too much.
Justin: What you mean yo? Dere's gonna be Bobbie-Sue, Thelma-Jo, Topanga-Ray, and Britney!
JC: I think we need to get out now?all this sun's seeping through your brain! Topanga-Ray is Lance's gal, and Britney is our cousin!
**Justin looks at his dark haired cousin with a blank look**
JC: Boy, she is our cousin! Our own blood! Our Uncle Chris' daughter!
Justin: Oh yeah?I be forgettin'?
**Justin gets out buck-naked and walks over to Da General Benz to get his clothes. JC watches his cousin from behind as he walks up the hill**
Justin: Yo man, you BEST not be checkin my bootyful ass out! Only Brit?er ah mean, I can do dat!
JC: I wasn't looking at your ASS! Hehehe?
Justin: DAMN! Foo! Where be our duds?
**Justin looks all around the General Benz for his clothes**
JC: They aren't there?
**JC joins him by the red Benz with a 01 ½ on the side and a gay pride flag on the top**
Justin: Yo man, you be mah cuz an all, but I be killin yo cracka ass if you stole mah Tommy!
JC: Now why?why would I do that?
Justin: I don't know man, you tell me! You wuz all up ova me last time at da Bigga Jigga?
JC: Ohh?I was not all there?.I had some of Floyd's Moonshine..
Justin: Yeah, you wuzn't all dere, dat's the only thing you gots right.
JC: Now what is that supposed to mean?
**JC puts his hand on his hip as he looks angry at Justin**
Justin: Nevermind?we's got to be findin our Fubu shiiit! I be all tired of lookin at yo crackhead body.
**Just then, the Duke Boys hear a twig snap in the woods**
Justin: Yo, shiit, you hear dat?
**JC ducks inside of the General Benz**
JC: I don't want no girl?er I mean, no ONE to see me naked!
Justin: You be whack.
JC: Justin, hold me?I'm scared.
**Justin ignores JC and walks up towards where the sound was coming from. He grabs a big tree limb to put in front of his 'assets'**
Justin: Yo man, who it is?
**Just then a troll like looking girl comes out from behind a rock with some Tommy and Fubu clothes and a camera in her hands**
Justin: Topanga-Ray! You be stealin our shit? I'm gonna mess your face up, just like I did las' time!
Topanga-Ray: But Justin, you never messed up my face before!
**A loud shriek comes from Da General Benz as JC gets out and sees Topanga-ray. He hides behind the door**
Justin: JC, look who be over here takin our picture and be stealin our Fubu?
JC: Oh no! I feel faint?
Justin: Yo, bitch, give us our clothes back!
Topanga-Ray: Not without you doing something for me?
Justin: I dun told ya a zillion times dat I ain't gonna sleep wit choo, you be goin out wit Deputy Lance. Sheriff Joseph A. Fatone be after our ass again if dat happens.
Topanga-Ray: So here's the deal?I want me, my Lancey-poofoo and Joey to win the talent show tonight?and I KNOW we won't win if you Dukes are in it too. Soo I was told to come here and get some?blackmail. Ya know, you guys do a bad show tonight and these pics never see the press?
**Topanga-Ray holds up the camera. JC walking up to her wearing an old skirt of Britney's he found in the back of Da General Benz**
JC: You biiitch!
**JC slaps her?all the clothes and the camera fall to the ground. Topanga-Ray and JC get into an all out cat fight. Nails were flying?gobs of big hair were everywhere. During the fight Justin picks up his clothes and starts to put them on**
Topanga-Ray: You're the bitch!
**Topanga-Ray escapes from JC's grasp. She sees the forgotten camera on the ground, grabs it and starts to run away. Justin's already in Da General Benz**
Justin: YO! JC man! Get in here, let's get dat troll!
JC: I have to get my clothes!
Justin: Forget that shiit man! Come on!
**JC, still in Britney Duke's skimpy skirt runs up and skids across the front of Da General Benz, exposing his underwear-less bottom to Justin**
Justin: Oh shiit?let's go get her!
**The Duke Boys take off after Topanga-Ray in her 4-Runner, The Troll Mobile.**
JC: We are never gonna catch her!
Justin: JC, what tha hell be yo problem? We in DA General Benz! Meaning, Mercedes! Dat girl in a piece of shit Toyota!
**JC, meanwhile not listening, and trying on the top to the skirt he found in the backseat**
JC: Oh goodie! I found the matching top!
Justin: Damn, boy! Yo nipples be all showin! Put dat shit away!
JC: Well, I would wear a bra?but no, there's not one back here. By the way, why is cousin Britney's clothes back here?
Justin: Uh?I don't?uh?LOOK! Der'e dat troll!
JC: Yay!
**Da General Benz jumps a ramp that cuts through to where the Troll Mobile was at. Justin is almost right on her tail when he sees blue lights in his rearview mirror**
Justin: Son of a bitch! It be da Po-Po!
**JC shrieks again**
JC: Don't let ol Joey catch up with you! Here, I'll call someone on the CB.
Justin: Dat's da first good idea you had fo da day!
JC: Pink Flamingo calling Papa Skunk! We're in some serious poo-poo!
Uncle Chrissy: Yeah, this is the Papa Skunk, 10-4.
JC: We need some help Papa Skunk, we got the Po-Po on our tails!
Uncle Chrissy: What's yo location, dude?
JC: We are on that horrid dirt road next to Kelsey's creek!
Uncle Chrissy: Well, I'll, like send Britney out there in the Jeep to diverse ole Joey.
JC: Okey dokey! This is Pink Flamingo 10-4!
Uncle Chrissy: 10-4!
**Meanwhile Sheriff Joey is right on Da General Benz**
Sheriff Joey: Gee-gee! I'm gonna get you Dukes, get you!
**He gets on the CB**
Sheriff Joey: Hey dis here is Joey A. Fa-tone callin Little Lamb. Little Lamb you got yo ears on?
Deputy Lance: Yees I'm here Sheriff!
Sheriff Joey: I'm on hot pursuit of dem Duke Boys! Gee-gee! They are fallin behind the troll!
Deputy Lance: So it's working? I hope so, we don't stand a chance in the talent show tonight against those Dukes. I'm glad Boss Lou came up with this plan.
Sheriff Joey: Quit that mindless babble, dipshtick! Get over here and cover me! Never know what dem Dukes will do! Especially that JC, I wouldn't wanna be with him alone!
Deputy Lance: Alrighty, I'm on my way! 10-4!
Sherrif Joey: That's a 10-4 good buddy! Gee-gee!
To be continued...
I hate this story! It sucks! Send me back.
This story made me think of Lance
times in those little pajamas.