Anna Scott's Diary Part 1
By Cyndi

April 23, 1998

Today was awful, I mean REALLY REALLY AWFUL! Started out awful and went downhill from there. Talked to Jeff this morning, actually we had quite a fight. He called because he’d gotten my message that I wouldn’t be getting back to the states until the 27th. He went ballistic, I mean totally ballistic! Was ranting and raving about the fact that we were expected at that cocktail thing for "Depths of Red". I couldn’t believe it, what a trivial little thing and he was practically crazed! Damnit, he knows what this business is like-he works in it. He knows that I have absolutely no control whatsoever when we wrap this thing. Plus, I told him, I told him before I left that I probably wouldn’t be able to go with him, that we probably wouldn’t be back by then, but NO, he was convinced that we’d finish up early. Early? How often does that happen I ask you! This has just turned into such a farce. I’ve begun to believe that he doesn’t want me, he just wants someone to enhance his image, "the perfect couple" thing. I’m really beginning to wonder if he really knows me at all or even if he really wants to. And you know what? I’m tired of constantly trying to appease him! Everything is always about him.

How come I never noticed that until now?

Has he changed? Or have I? I guess if I’m honest we both have. I swear he wasn’t this self-centered when we started seeing one another. But then I’m not as in awe of him either. I was more eager to please then, you might say. Well no more- he should want to please me too. Anyway, he told me, when all else was said, that if I didn’t make it back in time for the party not to bother coming back. Well SORRRRY! But I told him before I left that I wouldn’t be back – so if that’s the way he feels fine! I’ll go to New York when I head back to the states. If he wants to see me again he’ll just have to take the first step!

Of course by the time we got off the phone I was a basket case! I was all pumped up with anger, indignation, and a bit of self-pity. I felt like I needed some time to my self to cool off. We didn’t really have anything scheduled until the evening so I decided to do some shopping and sight seeing. I know… a really stupid move. So I snuck out. Snuck out? Isn’t that bizarre?! Here I am twenty-eight and feel like I have to sneak out of my own room at 9:00 in the morning! Anyway I put on my little beret and my sunglasses and went out. Not that the hat and glasses really disguise me of course, but for some reason when people see you dressed like that they seem to realize that you don’t want to be approached-it works most of the time.

I went to this little section of London called Notting Hill. I had heard there were some really neat shops there and it is true. I had gotten a couple of cute outfits and was still walking around when I noticed this little shop called "The Travel Book Co.". It was really small but since it said, "travel" I thought they might have a book on Turkey. I’ve been looking for one since getting the script for "Full Regatta", but hadn’t found anything I liked. I still haven’t decided if I’m gonna do it or not, but wanted to kinda get the lay of the land since we’d be doing a bit of shooting there. Anyway, there was this guy there, working the desk- nice guy. He seemed to recognize me but didn’t fawn or asked for my autograph, even though one of the customers did. He treated me like he would any other patron, I thought. He was really nice, a bit nervous, kinda cute. He had a really dry sense of humor and if I had been in a better mood I may have actually laughed at some of the things he said. He definitely made me smile. I did find a book I liked so I bought it and then continued on to a couple of more stores before I realized that I was getting hungry. I’d missed breakfast. That fight with Jeff had upset me so that I couldn’t eat anything earlier. Well I remembered a little café a short ways back and decided to back track and stop in there for a cup of coffee and a little something to eat. And that’s when it happened! I’m going around the corner when BAMM! Next thing I know I’m splattered with orange juice and some guy is reaching out to wipe off my chest! Well I’m upset –who wouldn’t be. I wasn’t really angry, just momentarily pissed but when I look up, who is it but the guy from the bookstore. He was apologizing profusely and then started saying something about getting me all fixed up but of course my knee jerk reaction was to call Karen for the car. I mean I really didn’t know this guy from Adam and here he was talking about taking me to his house! But then he said something that made me smile so I actually took a minute to think about his suggestion. I looked at him for a moment and yes, it was really asinine, but I felt like I could trust him, so I took him up on his offer. On the way over he told me that his name is William Thacker and that he owns the little bookshop I had been in earlier. His place was really a disaster-way past the typical bachelor flat, but I got dressed and called Karen and asked her to send a car. By the time I’d finished upstairs I’d thought of all the horrible things that could come of this dumb move of mine-everything from humiliating headlines to actually being murdered. But when I got back downstairs ready to bolt he was being so nice that I felt like I couldn’t be but so rude. The next thing I knew he started offering me everything in his refrigerator—kinda seemed like he wanted me to stay, but I knew that wasn’t a good move. He even offered me some apricots that were soaked in honey that sounded atrocious, but he was being so nice all I could do was just keep saying no, he even made a joke about that. And here’s where I made my worse move of the day—I was all ready to leave and he had just walked me to the door. It was kinda strange, we were just both standing there looking at one another. He seemed just so nice and I just… leaned over and kissed him! It was just… I don’t know what made me do that. He was so nice and normal and he seemed to really want me to stay and I guess I just wanted to give him something…Let him know I felt a connection too. It was just really impulsive and stupid. I think I shocked him, he didn’t even touch me, just stood there and let me kiss him. I didn’t expect to feel anything, but then I wasn’t really thinking about it, but it kinda knocked me for a loop. I’ve never felt that way when kissing someone I hardly know. Of course I don’t make a habit of going around kissing a bunch of guys I don’t know, but in this business... Of course, a second later I realize what could happen if this got out. I told him not to tell anyone. He said he won’t and for some reason, that I can’t quite seem to fathom, I believe him. He also said something else, something like, "I’ll tell myself sometimes, but don’t worry, I won’t believe it." I wanted to give him another kiss just for that, after my fight with Jeff this morning it was just what my ego needed.

I believe him, I think. But what if I’m wrong? What a mess that would be! And besides what if someone else saw me go in there?

He’s got a roommate too, he saw me there. But I really don’t think he recognized me. The roommate was really a very STRANGE character!!!

ANNA