Anna Scott's Diary Part 4
By Cyndi

April 26, 1998

This day has been crazy and strange but also very nice. Got up this morning definitely not up for this press junket. I guess the last few days have taken their toll and I was feeling a bit depressed. But publicity is a big part of the job you know, so you go ahead and put on the mask and pose as "Anna Scott" for awhile. Anyway when I was about half way through my breakfast William Thacker called. When I told him that I wanted to talk to him he suggested "dropping round for tea. I thought about it for a second, and even though I had only meant to talk to him over the phone, I realized I’d probably get a better feel for things if I saw him face to face. At least that is what I’ve been telling myself. I went ahead and told him to come by about four. I thought six hours would surely be enough time to get the press out of here. Unfortunately, I was wrong. So at four o’clock there I was talking to another writer, for yet another magazine and thinking I’m gonna have to call Mr. Thacker and apologize for being tied up. Then, in comes Karen and she tells me he’s here. I told her to go ahead and show him in, which she did, though it kinda backed things up even more. Almost as soon as he was in the door he started apologizing again for not calling back. Evidently his roommate had forgotten to give him the message—After seeing and talking to this guy I had no trouble believing that! He also brought some flowers for me. He almost took them back when he saw all the others in the room but I wouldn’t let him. The ones he bought were for me. He didn’t realize that the others were just window dressing for the press. It’s been ages since I’ve actually received flowers just because some guy thought I was attractive or nice or something. They’re sitting here on the desk right now as I write, beautiful and fragrant.

This where the crazy part starts to come in. Evidently when William arrived Karen assumed he was a member of the press and he, unsure of what to do, played along. So when Jeremy comes in he says that William is from "Horse and Hound" magazine. It was fairly humorous actually, there was William valiantly trying to play his part, but he was at such a total loss as to what to say or do! Unfortunately he didn’t have a clue as to what Helix was about, so that made it even more difficult for him.

I guess I should have said something, but what could I have said that wouldn’t have taken forever to explain. And then, of course, I didn’t want Jeremy and Karen to know what I’d done, so I just played along too. At some point, when Jeremy wasn’t in the room and we didn’t have to pretend we were strangers, I did get to talk to William about the kiss. I just asked him if he was okay about it and apologized. He said he was, but I think I may have hurt his feelings a bit by apologizing. I guess I should have phrased things a little differently. I think maybe he thought I was apologizing because I was sorry that I kissed him, and it wasn’t really like that. I mean I wanted to kiss him. I was just sorry that I’d followed through because of the ramifications it could have had.

It was really quite strange because during his whole visit Jeremy was going in and out, as he usually does, so William and I were reduced to bouncing back and forth between pretense and reality. One minute we’d be talking like two normal people-getting to know one another a bit-trying to make sense of this thing that seems to be between us. And then the next minute we were pretending we’d never meant before. It made for a very confusing and weird five minutes. There was actually one time when I thought William was going to kiss me but Jeremy came in, of course, and the mood was totally lost. I have to say however, that Mr. Thacker did manage to surprise me. He actually asked me out. Well, his exact words were, "Are you busy tonight?" Of course, I said yes, since I had that dinner meeting with Karen and Jeremy planned, but to tell the truth it was a knee jerk reaction as much as anything else. He acted as though he’d expected as much but had thought he’d give it a try anyway (which is much more than most guys do!). Then he was gone and I was back to work.

I went through the next couple of interviews pretty much by rote. I’ve done so many of these things by now, that it’s pretty easy to do. Half of my mind was on the interview and the other half was on William Thacker and his "invitation". At some point I realized that I actually wanted to go out with him. There is just something about this man that entices me and I can’t quite figure out what it is. And then I thought, this meeting tonight isn’t urgent. I’m sure Karen and Jeremy wouldn’t mind it if we did it some other time. And you know what else I realized? I don’t have a boyfriend to worry about anymore! I can go out with anyone I want. The more I thought about it the more determined I was to go. So when I finally got a minute I told Karen that William Thacker had asked me out (I still didn’t tell her he wasn’t actually a reporter) and asked if we could arrange our meeting for another time. Just as I’d thought, it wasn’t a problem. Well I asked Karen to give me a moment before the last interview so I could call him and let him know that I’d been able to change my plans. You can imagine my surprise when she said that he was still here.

"Still here?!" I asked.

"Sure," she replied matter of factly, "he’s interviewing the others."

I nearly died! Poor William had been mortified enough with me, and I had known what was going on! And of course I couldn’t confess that he wasn’t a reporter now! Karen would have had a fit because everyone’s time had been wasted. All I could do was tell her to bring him in when he was done. Well, he looked like he’d been through hell, and I imagine he felt like it too, but when I told him that I’d rearranged my schedule and could go after all he brightened considerably. That is until he remembered that he too had a previous engagement. Seems tonight was the night that they were to celebrate his sisters birthday and he had momentarily forgotten. He said that he was sure he could get out of it but I offered to go with him instead. Actually, I thought this might be a good idea anyway. This way if we ran out of things to say to one another there would be others around to ease the situation a bit. I thought for a minute that he might refuse but he acquiesced quite charmingly.

He picked me up a bit early. It had been a beautiful day and the evening was no different so we were going to walk over to his friends flat. The walk was wonderful after being cooped up in the suite all day and it gave me a chance to apologize for the fiasco earlier. It had never occurred to me that it would be assumed that he would want to interview everyone. William said it hadn’t occurred to him either, and that the situation had only gotten worse after he’d left me. He didn’t seem to blame me for it however, and he actually said that if he looked back on it ten years from now he might be able to laugh, but at the moment he was still feeling a bit idiotic. I also had a chance to stop into a little shop and pick up necklace to give his sister. Since it was her birthday I didn’t want to go without a gift.

The evening was incredible. It’s very strange. I vaguely remember evenings somewhat like this from my childhood. When my parents would invite a few close friends over. There’d be gossip, advice, and teasing but most of all there would love and laughter. As a child I never questioned it. That was just the way it was. But now, as an adult, I realize that that type of acceptance is all too rare. Being there tonight though, reminded me of those years, because it was so very similar. Williams’s friends were genuine and funny and crazy and were very excepting of me. I felt as if I was able to be myself for a change. So often I feel I’m playing the role of "Anna Scott" but I didn’t feel that way tonight. It was very nice to be able to relax a bit. And as I said before his friends were wonderful.

Bella is probably one of the loveliest women I have ever meant. Very serene, so calm, and yet full of vitality and the enjoyment of life. I find this to be exceptionally incredible since only a short time ago she had an accident and is now confined to a wheelchair. I can see myself in the same situation and the picture is not very flattering. I have a feeling something like that would make me an angry and bitter person. Bella however seems almost undaunted.

And she has to be the most adored wife ever. I mean you can look at Max watching her and see the love in his eyes. He absolutely adores her. And she’s the same way about him. I can’t even imagine the two of them apart, they seem made for one another. Max is charming and witty and really not a very good cook, not that it mattered. Food was only incidental.

Then in came Honey. Unlike Bella and Max, Honey was totally blown away by the fact that her brother had brought "Anna Scott" to dinner. It was really quite scary at first. I’ve never known, until tonight, that one person could surround you! She is totally eccentric in the matter of style, was completely over zealous in her affection for me, someone she had never meant, and yet once you get to know her a bit she is really quite likeable. She is what she is, says what she says, and does what she does, and could care less what anyone thinks of it. She is however, the total opposite of William. I would never in a million years have picked her as his sister.

Then there was Bernie. He sweeps in, says hi when he’s introduced, but doesn’t even blink an eye. Actually, to be quite honest I thought at first that Bernie might be messing with me a bit. The first thing he asked me when were in a discussion alone was what I did. When I told him he started talking about actors he knew and what a hard time they had of it and so forth. He seemed almost too sincere, you know, it was hard to believe that anyone could be that guileless. But when he ask me how much I made from my last film and I said fifteen million, the look on his face was enough to convince me I had been wrong. He truly had no idea who I was. It was quite funny—he looked stunned, bewildered, and befuddled all at once. Actually after spending the evening with Bernie I would say bewildered describes him very well. He seems totally baffled by life itself and his place in it in particular. With one exception, he is totally self-assured when it comes to his place within this group of friends.

I was quite surprised at the ease with which they welcomed me. After the initial surprise they all seemed to take it quite in stride. They didn’t ask how it was to work with this person or what that person was like. Actually when they mentioned my work at all it was in the same way that they said Bernie was a stockbroker-very matter of factly, no fuss. I was so totally at ease with everyone that at one point I said more than I should have. They were playing a game of sorts, with the winner to take possession of the last brownie (they were really good by the way, I think Bella must have made them). Now the winner was to be—get this—the ‘saddest act" there. Well, I gave them the usual dribble about always dieting, cosmetic surgery, romances gone bad, and bad publicity but suddenly I found myself saying, "one day not long from now my looks will go, they’ll find out I can’t act and I’ll become a sad middle-aged woman who looks a bit like someone who was famous for awhile". I had never even thought about that before and now, here it was out in front of everyone! A couple of seconds later they brushed it off saying I had given it a nice try and giving William the brownie, but it was a very disturbing experience. I mean, until right then I never knew I felt that way. It has probably been in my subconscious for a long time, but I guess I’d never put it in words. It’s a bit frightening to make a realization like that and then finding you’ve shared it with people you’ve only just meant an hour or so ago.

Before long however, the party was over and William and I found ourselves walking back to the hotel. William did ask me over to his flat, but I declined. I’m very attracted to him and obviously the feeling is mutual, but that would have just made matters more complicated. We barely know one another and it seems that there are so many differences…

We did make a slight detour though. We were walking past one of those high fences with the heavy locked gates and William was telling me how inside there were these garden/park things. Of course I was intrigued and suggested going in, but William said that they were private-that only the people who lived around the edges were allowed in. Of course that made me want to go in all the more. William was so funny. The whole thing was hilarious, but I did finally manage to get him inside. It was beautiful, magical. We shared a kiss. Really shared one this time. There are no apologies to be made, no indecisiveness this time. It was great really, to be able to do that and not have to worry about it. And it felt wonderful to be so close to him. There was a full moon and the beautiful garden. We sat for a while and talked; and didn’t talk. Some of the time we just sat and enjoyed the beauty and tranquility of the place and being together. Finally however, it was time to go.

I have decided to stay a few more days though. I want to spend some more time with him and he seems to want to spend time with me too. We’ve made a date for tomorrow evening. A movie and dinner.

ANNA