Scenes That Might Have Been

By Jonathan

WILLIAM
(pause)
You're lovelier this morning than you have ever been.

ANNA
(very touched)
Oh.

WILLIAM
And anyway, I was going to say that the real thrill is not seeing your private parts, but being part of your privacy. You know, the guy Anna Scott comes to for comfort - or a bath. The one who gets to see the sweetheart behind the tinsel.

She looks at him long and carefully. Believes 100% that he not just trying to make amends, he really did mean to say this before she interrupted. Then leaps out of bed.

ANNA
(radiant)
I'll be back.

---

WILLIAM
It still strikes me as, well, surreal, that I'm allowed to see you naked.

ANNA
You and every person in this country.

WILLIAM
(Correcting himself)
Oh God yes -- I'm sorry. And anyway, I was going to say that the real privlege is not seeing your private parts, but being part of your privacy. You know, the guy Anna Scott comes to for comfort - and a bath. The one who`s allowed to see the sweetheart behind the tinsel.

ANNA
(pause, flattered)
But what is it about men and nudity? Particularly breasts -- how can you be so interested in them?

---

WILLIAM
I think the man who wrote it has actually been to Turkey, which helps.There's also a very amusing incident with a kebab. Sort of 1001 things to do with a skewer. Not including those in the Kama Sutra, naturally.

---

ANNA
I was going to steal one myself but now I've changed my mind.

WILLIAM
Actually I don´t mind women stealing books. So long as they put up a struggle when I arrest them.

---

ANNA
I forgot my other bag.

WILLIAM
Oh bugger, I was hoping to sell those books again.

---

WILLIAM
Anyway -- time for bed. Or... sofa-bed in my case - save you having to order black star cover again.

---

The birthday party, Anna returns from the tiolet, all are seated at table.

WILLIAM
Well, Anna, it´s an odd thing, but my friends here find it difficult to believe that you´re my date tonight.

MAX
Not at all, we´ve long been expecting you to turn up to dinner with an international film star. You are, after all, England´s most eligible divorcé.

BERNIE
Yes, it´s just that, well, judging by your video collection, we thought it would be Ginger Lynn Allen.

---

Or...


WILLIAM
Well, Anna, it's an odd thing, but my friends here find it difficult to believe that you're my date tonight.

MAX
On the contrary, dear boy. We were only saying last week that it was about time you turned up to dinner with an international superstar on your arm. You are, after all, England's most eligible divorcé.

BERNIE
Yes, it's just that going by your video collection, we were expecting Jean-Claude Van Damme.

WILLIAM
But he's a bloke!

BERNIE
Yes, but very well versed in the marital arts, they tell me.