Our scene unfolds in the Digger's living room, where Britanny, Gina, Genn, and Brianna are reviewing the home videos taken during the celebration on Aebra. All the survivors came out to say goodbye to their saviors and heroes. Even Archon. In the video, she obviously is having a tough time saying farewell to Stryyp'Gia, their leader and her soulmate. Britanny doesn't understand why Archon is that way, but she's happy that Archon's gone and she's got Stripe. Still, she keeps rewinding the tape to that spot, until Brianna reminds her that they have to pick up Brit's wedding dress. (T-47:13:22)
That's right, for Brit's WEDDING!!!
At the chapel (T-46:21:01), a cloaked figure approaches while Julia, Theo and Jazelle, the high priestess of El Dorado, discuss cultures, guests, and the rehearsal. Invited are the werewolves, Thabian, Jetta, Pojo and his new sister, Alera. (Cute!) Also arriving, much to Dr. Digger's tolerance, is his mother-in-law, a huge sword-wielding barbarian (called Mother-Dearest or Mumsy or Grammy but mostly Mother-Dearest, natch). There's one other arrival that shocks all present with his ramifications: the aforementioned cloaked figure, Raphiel. A werecheetah.
Elsewhere in the Gina-mobile Mark 10, the sisters try to convince an uninterested Britanny into a bachelorette party, but get a "No" back. The girls leave Brit at the chapel, dress in hand, while they go to pick up Ace, Penny, Charlotte, Ryan, Seance, Genn, and Stripe. Whew! Britanny happily enters and spots her Grammy, all while Jetta tries to get her attention. Brit can think of nothing but trying on her wedding dress, but Jetta finally gets her into a side room.
Meanwhile, we find that the werewolf family has brought a stow-a-way. From a toy car of Pojo's emerges the greatest threat to Stripe and Britanny's relationship to date. Tanya. All five inches of her. She flashes back to how she used to be the spirit priestess of El Dorado. She was destined to marry Stripe, until Brit showed up. Then, for her crime of using Jetta and Thabian to kill Britanny, she was shrunken and given to the werewolves as a pet. Here, at the wedding, Tanya's destined to get her revenge. Unfortunately before she can do anything, Pojo comes by, sees his "dolly", and sticks her in his mouth. She tricks him with Cheezy Puffs, and as she escapes that obstacle she vows vengeance on him too. (Boo!)
Back to the side room, Brit still doesn't understand why she has to wait to put her dress on. Jetta opens the door to find Dr. Diggers with an innocent and amnesiac Raphiel. Jetta tries to let Britanny down easily, but Brit is oblivious and invites Raphiel to her wedding. Raphiel, just as oblivious, accepts. Jetta and Theo become more worried at how she'll take it when she finds out what Raphiel means. Jetta decides to tell Brit and let Theo handle Stripe.
In the bridal room, Jetta (who has shifted into her fighting form) anticipates an attack as she tells Britanny that which missed her the first time. With Raphiel, a werecheetah, present, the werecheetah clan can be saved. The wedding's off. Brit must mate with Raphiel and bear his children.
Britanny goes coma.
The rest of the guests arrive for the rehearsal (T-44:51:30), including Stripe. Theo is intent on telling Stripe straight out what's happened, but Stripe expresses his gratitude to Theo, making his job harder. Luckily, to everyone's confusion, Raphiel enters the room happily eating a sandwich. Brianna blushes when she sees him.
(NOPE)Meanwhile, still, Britanny is quite(NOPE) adamant in (NOPE)her decision. (NOPE)No matter how much(NOPE) Jetta tries to(NOPE) reason with her, (NOPE)the answer in always NOPE.
It's around this time (T-44:33:08) that Tanya finds an unwilling ally. Atop the wedding cake where she pushed the bride's figurine off (because they're the same height), Tanya uses the post-hypnotic magic spell she previously cast on Jazelle to further her own ends. Evil!!
We find Stripe alone, lost in his own thoughts when Jazelle arrives. With blank eyes, she tries to reason with Stripe about how this separation is essential for the werecheetahs. Really, it's Tanya prompting Jazelle to do this from within the collar of Jazelle's robe. Jazelle really doesn't want this to happen, but can't do a thing about it. She convinces Stripe to call the wedding off, then goes to make the announcement. Tanya is very happy.
Stripe heads off to talk to Britanny, whom Jetta gladly passes off to. Alone, Brit says with a never-before-seen face of utter resolve that her and Stripe are not breaking up. She decides that they should elope, but Stripe tells her about her responsibilities and obligations to her race. He says that in the same situation, he would stop the marriage. She breaks down in his arms, and they agree with little hope that the wedding will have to wait. Raphiel sees this.
Jazelle, with Tanya hidden, tells everyone assembled that the wedding's been cancelled. (T-43:51:47) And just as Tanya is soaking in the glory of a bad deed well done, Mother-Dearest comes in saying "WE'VE FOUND A SOLUTION!" It turns out that the Amazons of Jade are personal friends of hers, and Raphiel has agreed to the 99.996% chance that he'll be able to spawn children who are werecheetahs. Tanya becomes unglued and curses herself for giving Raphiel free will! In a fit of rage, she calls out to Raphiel's soul-key for demolishing. A puzzle piece pops out of his forehead and floats towards Tanya. Luckily, Brianna makes the snag and saves it. But Tanya has already prompted the still influencial Jazelle to aim an Aura-Spark spell for her (Jazelle's) head, and if anyone tries to stop her... BOOM. All are powerless, including Dr. Diggers, as she makes Jazelle teleport her away.
Mother-Dearest tries to blame the incident on magic, but Dr. Diggers stays calm. He soothes Jazelle who couldn't resist Tanya's spell. Stripe and Brit enter and see what happened to Raphiel. A huge puddle with puzzle pieces and tell-tale werecheetah spots has melted on the floor. Apparently, Tanya had created a golem of a werecheetah out of the Genesis clay of Eden (where Tanya was trapped). Brianna, meanwhile, keeps the soul-key which inexplicably didn't melt. Theo and Jetta apologize for trying to restore Britanny's race by halting the wedding, as they both felt equally guilty about her being the last werecheetah.
Conjured up through Seance for that moment, the channeled spirits of Britanny's real parents show up to forgive Jetta and Theo of their griefs, as well as to bless Britanny's decision to marry Stripe. They also don't care whether the children are Kryn, or werecheetah, or both. Just that they're happy together. Too emotional. ^_^
(T-00:25:21) But all of the crises aren't over yet. As Britanny struggles with her garter, (actually, Gina's the one who's struggling), the dress comes back from the seamstress. Five minutes later (T-00:20:43) as Theo, Julia, and Julia's mom are discussing how useless magic is, they hear a scream. Brit runs out with her gown in ruins around her. The note that it came with reads that the measurements involved were too preposterous to be true, and that the dress was the best possible one they could make without having the bride appear foolish. [Remember, Brit's "stats" are 7'0", 57-30-49, (at last count... she has probably grown a little too, and gotten older since issue 10, not including age with the Time Warp thing and all...)]
Anyway, it looks foolish.
Luckily(?), Brit's Grammy brought her seamstress kit, and intends to make her granddaughter the best gown possible. And within the alloted time (T-00:02:48), Grammy makes good by unveiling the new gown... complete with breastplate, shoulder spikes, elbow guards, and retractable claws in the gloves (kerSNIKT). Britanny is obviously, terribly, and utterly destroyed. Until Theo steps in.
One magic spell later and... "The fabrics are smoother and more elegant than any silk. It will never fade or become soiled... It moves and glides with every step you take... it will never encumber you. It forms comfortably to your body, fitting perfectly...and everything feels lighter than air... For you, my daughter... a magic wedding dress."
Beautiful.
(T-00:00:00) Stripe says "I do." Brit says "OH YEAH!" Mother-Dearest concedes the round to Theo, but still doesn't think he's good enough for Julia...yet. Pinky, Tyr, a leprechaun, Jan or Rol or both, Mesha, Tark, and Brod are all present as well. And as far as the bouquet being thrown, well, Penny and Gina's grappling artillery vie for that spot.
The reason that this review is so big, as compared to Time Warp 8, is because Time Warp 8 was pure action. All visual. This was plot, dialogue and emotion. Anyway.
Story: COULDN'T BE BETTER
Funniest Moment: ACE
Most Touching: THE MAGIC WEDDING DRESS
(out of four.)
The Full Monty - the title of a 1997 movie involving full-frontal male strippers
retractable gloves, kerSNIKT - very reminiscent of Wolverine's claws from the "X-Men" comic book
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