Inconsistencies PersistBy OddoSmall but annoying inconsistencies caused by the station's command crew, who recently travelled through time in GS9's turbo elevator, are still popping up around the station. My bucket now has the words "Oddo iz a dum" made into it, Moppy Oh Brain now insists that her name is "Billy the Blue Ranger", and always has been, and the Starfeet logo is now a horrendously drawn caricature of Chief Oh Brain. It is as yet unknown what exactly went on during the time travelling, as Commander Sikto has sworn all involved to a "pact of secrecy", and is currently stuck at the bottom of the turbo elevator shaft, causing everyone to be forced to use the stairs. Bash-up Declares RetirementBy DuxDr Bash-up made his official declaration of retirement last night while standing on top of Qwak's bar. According to witnesses, the doctor stated that he was going to retire from Starfeet to write a novel about his adventures in "the fourth dimension". It has been reported that the title of the novel will be "Bash-up: Hero of the Universe". Sikto Finds New HomeBy OddoCommander Sikto, who recently threw himself into the turbo-lift shaft while trying to "run over" Baaaaaaaap, has refused to leave, and has ordered crew members to throw the entire contents of his quarters down because "there's no place like home". Baaaaaaaap, who had been stuck in the shaft for 12 hours with the commander, was rescued by GS9's volunteer fire suppression brigade today, and immediately sent to sickbay. Dr Bash-up fears his sanity may have been affected by being confined in a small space with Commander Sikto for so long. Meanwhile, Wharf and Dux are throwing everything in Sikto's quarter's down the shaft. The items so far tossed to the commander include: his replicator, a king-size bed, several tables and chairs, "Learning the Bassoon for Under 6's", Gate, Noj, and an old dilithium crystal that Oh Brain found in his drink at Qwak's. Doctor's Novel Idea SmashedBy Chief Oh BrainDr Bashir made another announcement this morning at Qwak's. He stated that he had decided not to retire from Starfeet after all, and was going to hire a "ghost writer" to write his novel for him. He then began to inquire about the availability of ghost writers, and was last seen heading towards Oddo's security office in search of the warp-core ghost, which recently made an appearance in the station's reactor. Crew Mutinies Over Lift UseBy Reporter RutGrowing unrest among GS9's crew over suspended turbo-lift usage exploded today, when a barricade was erected in the middle of the promenade by Chief Oh Brain and Dr Bash-up. The barricade is constructed of various pieces of Qwak's bar, which the two broke into last night. They are now sitting on top of the 30cm high structure singing "Red and Black" and handing out leaflets explaining their cause to passing civilians. When questioned by The Dominion, Chief Oh Brain stated "We are sick of using the stairs. We do not think it is right that we should be treated in this way. If the turbo lift is not made available for our use in 24 hours, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur." He then began to laugh maniacally, at which point The Dominion decided to leave. Next Column | Sikto Removed With CraneBy OddoCommander Sikto was today forcibly removed from the turbo-lift shaft, when he began to yell and scream after Dux and Wharf dropped his grand piano into the lift shaft which he is currently inhabiting. The rescue operation took five hours, and was carried out by the station's volunteer fire suppression brigade, with the help of a crane. Crew Calls off MutinyBy OddoChief Oh Brain and Dr Bash-up decided to call off their mutiny today when Commander Sikto was removed from the lift shaft, and the turbo lift was made free for their use. However, they refused to deconstruct their "barricade", which they say they intend to leave in the middle of the promenade "for all time" as "a warning not to forget the past". The station volunteer waste disposal team has almost completely demolished the structure, and expect to have the promenade clear in the next five minutes. Circus Comes to GS9By TravelDragonAre you ready? Well, ready or not, the circus has come to GS9! Or rather Qwak has forced it to come GS9. The Promenade, with great objection from Oddo, has been transformed into a three-ring wonder. We reiterate wonder. Acts featured include:
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