The Geek Space Dominion

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We Smooshed Oddo By Gate Sikto Me an Noj Smooshed Oddo!!!! Qwak Organises Christmas Bash By Commander Sikto Local bar-owner Qwak recently announced his newest morale raising scheme, a Christmas Bash, which will include songs, entertainment and discounts at many of the promenade stores. The first item is a talent quest & singing contest, cleverly titled "Songees Over the Campeefireee", scheduled on stardate 30489.3. All profits are apparently going to homeless Bajorans. Oddo's Masterprice Theatre Presents Songees Over the Campeefireee including..... 'Oddo's Security Ballad' 'This Old Station'-with help from boy genii Noj and Gate Sikto. 'Billy-O' 'The Benji Theme'-with assistance from Commander Sikto himself! 'The Big Ballet' 'The Two-Shoose Bloose'-with help from visiting professional trombonist, Will Striker. 'Qwak's Place'-with help from experienced Ferangi Feråhler player, Qwak. Uncle Miles may even pop in! And many more great classics. Kindly Sponsored by Qwak's bar. False News Reported By Oddo Contrary to popular opinion, I have not been smooshed by Gate Sikto or Noj. The featured photograph shows me while in the process of shape-shifting, directly after an axe had been propelled through my head. The more intelligent readers of this newspaper would have realised this. I would also like to let the crew of GS9 know that I am in no way connected to the upcoming talent quest, presented by "Oddo's MasterPrice Theatre". Qwak assures me this is a completely different Oddo, and for his sake, I hope he is telling the truth. False Advertising Causes Complaints By Dr Bash-up The recent programme of events taking place in the promenade today has been accused by many as 'false'. Commander Sikto states 'I never arranged such a thing!' concerning his duet with Oddo set for 1200 hours today singing 'The Benji Theme'. Other performers complained, though many were keen to have a performance. Noj and Gate Sikto, after being described in the programme as 'boy genii' hurriedly agreed to sing 'This Old Station' with Noj playing his Ferangi Feråhler. Commander William Striker of STILL visiting starship Enter-price also agreed to 'have a bash' this afternoon with Oddo. Hooligans Cause Power Shortage By Oddo Today at 0900 hours, two young hooligans attempted to create a "sooper-hackee-missile-launcher" by re-routing the station's main power to a small electrical socket in their quarters. This action resulted in the main reactor overloading, and a power cut occurring in all major areas of the station. The hooligans are being detained in the security office for further questioning. Oops Overload! By Captain Sikto Today several areas of the station experienced a temporary minor power cut due to sub-standard maintenance work by engineering staff. Just because the rest of the station had no gravity, heating, lighting or life support, this was not an invitation for the entire crew, including civilians and non-crew members, to pile into my office, simply because it was the only inhabitable place in the station. I demand a full apology for all those of you who, uninvited, forced your way into my office, putting muddy footprints all over the new carpet. Also, someone has taken by baseball. If my baseball is not returned to me in the next 24 hours, I will begin pumping toxic gases onto the promenade. Not true By Major Key-rack The Commander was joking. At least I hope he was. But could someone please tell crewman Phlobee that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to use the captain's baseball for a hood ornament on his model starship. Next Column

Oddo's Masterprice Theatre Presents Songees Over the Campeefireee UPDATE! Now including..... 'Captains Prerogative'-with help from our very own Dr Bash-up and visiting Captain Pick-a-card! 'Ode to Oddo'-Performed as a duet by visiting android, Thata and pet, Spot. 'Brum (theme)'-a solo by Lieutenant Commander Wharf. 'Albenesian Moaning Song'-with help from Baaaaaap. Kindly Sponsored by Qwak's bar. More False Advertisementation! By Oh Brain As the new programmes for Qwak's 'Masterpiece Theatre' are rolled out of the Dominion's presses, many crew members mentioned in them are commenting to the 'Dominion'. Dr Bash-up, reported to be singing 'Captain's Prerogative' with Oddo protests 'I wanted to sing the Albenesian Moaning Song but Baaaaaaap got in first'. Even so, he has agreed to perform 'Captain's Prerogative'. Baaaaaap has heartily agreed to singing the 'Albenesian Moaning Song' with Qwak, and have both offered to buy drinks for everyone who turns up at the 'Masterprice Theatre'. Thata and Spot have turned up at Qwak's bar already and are waiting for their cue. Thata states 'Gaudy informed me of the performance and I decided to see Mr Qwak to ask him about it. He told me if I did not perform I would disappoint my fans, so I decided to recite 'Ode to Oddo' while tap dancing, playing the bassoon and growing a beard.' While many of these comments are positive, I must say that 'Uncle Miles' cannot turn up because he is needed at Oops at 1200 hours today to "accumulate the anti-cellular devices and expel the dynamics". Another not so positive comment is that from Lieutenant Wharf. The Klingoff 'scoffs at the very idea' and has vowed to stay in his quarters all through the proceedings. Criminals Run Rampant By Oddo The power cut which occurred today caused the force fields in the criminal detention centre to stop functioning. All the criminals in the criminal detention facility escaped, and proceeded to rampage through the station. So please be on the look out for anyone wearing the station's criminal detention facility uniform, (ie. feathered, yellow chicken suit with purple knee-stockings). Qwak's was held up by a crazed Baaaaaaap, who was doing time for trying to eat Dr Bash-up at his last dental hygiene check-up, and trying to take over the station in the absence of the command crew. Hoax Spotted By Dr Bash-up A hoax was spotted and destroyed in Qwak's today as commander Striker from the visiting ship Enter-price walked into Qwak's, in some sort of Halloween Klingoff costume, and volunteered to sing 'several Barney songs' under Lieutenant Wharf's name. Genius Noj, however, realised he was not real when his face peeled off and the real Lieutenant Wharf walked into the bar. The commander has been placed in the brig and suspended from 'singing' privileges by Captain Pick-a-card. Ancient Punishment System Revived By Oddo It has been decided that GS9 is in need of a new punishment system. The new punishment system is an old earth tradition, according to Commander Sikto. When a civilian or officer disobeys the rules of the station, they will be taken into custod. "Custod" may require a definition for those who are not familiar with Earth culture. It is apparently, a baked, sweetened mixture of eggs and milk. So, "to be taken into custod" requires the criminal be immersed in a baked, sweetened mixture of eggs and milk, until he becomes remorseful for his crime. The security team will be trailing this new system for the next few days. Lost Ship Report By Captain Janeweigh We were peacefully traversing our way through the Schmelta Quadrant when suddenly a Federation craft came through a wormhole right at us! We put the tractor on it, brought it into the shuttlebay, and then we noticed that some Starfeet officers were on the ship! What a remarkable coincidence that all wormholes lead into the Alphapha Quadrant, huh? Well anyway, the Starfeet officers on the ship said that their ship, the USS Deafy-ant, was almost destroyed by a temporal anomaly that brought them through the wormhole which they thought led to the Spamma Quadrant but for some reason it came here to the Shmelta Quadrant. The person in charge of the Deafy-ant said that his name was Captain Sikto and he was trying to go to the Spamma Quadrant to retrieve a lost Bagloran orb artifact that the Baglorans were whining about because the Xardassians threw it into the wormhole. It's called the Orb of Wormholes, and apparently it switched the polarity of the wormhole so it went to the Shmelta Quadrant instead of to the Spamma Quadrant. We found that the orb was still in the wormhole and we could use a tacky-on beam to make the orb switch the polarity of the wormhole again and take us back to the Alpha Quadrant. Lt. Tom Perish engaged the tacky-on beam and we successfully switched the polarity of the wormhole. The USS Deafy-ant went through first, but then the wormhole closed right after them, and we had to set our course back the long way again.......

Next Issue: Visitors from Enter-Price cause havoc!

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