1. Windows95 - Plug and pray...

2. Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS.

3. Windows - a solitaire game that requires too much space and a HD.

4. Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

5. Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files!

6. If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual?

7. "Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate"

8. The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches. It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass...")

9. Windows = Waste in DOS WorkSpace.

10. Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows.

11. Alt-F4. Just do it.

12. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

13. Microsoft is to Software as McDonald's is to Cuisine.

14. Does someone know the cheats for Windows95?

15. This is an air-conditioned room - Do not open Windows!

16. This virus requires Microsoft Windows 98.

17. OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it?"

18. Favorite Windows' game: "Guess what this icon does?"

19. Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x

20. Windows NT - Nice Try.

21. Windows - a virus with mouse support.

22. Windows is for fun, MacOS is for getting things done.

23. Windows vs MacOS = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson.

24. The nice thing about Windows is - It doesn't just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

25. Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. "No" is the answer!

26. McAfee-Question: Is Windows a virus?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

• 1. They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
• 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
• 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
• 4. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.
• 5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow, (see #2). And the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.

  Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:

• A.) Viruses are well supported by their authors...
• B.) Are running on most systems...
• C.) Their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

  So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.

27. Last words of a Windows user: A. Why does that work now? B. Where do I have to click now? - There? C. Message box: "Data not completely delete? Yes - No" --- User: "No - ey - Yes"

28. Microsoft gives you Windows... MacOS gives you the whole house.

29. How do Microsoft employees exchange a bulb? Not at all... They/Bill Gates declare(s) darkness as a standard.

30. Some windows were made to be broken.

31. Turn your 486 into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:

32. Data to Picard: "No, Captain, I do NOT run WINDOWS!"

33. Bugs come in through open Windows.

34. Windows '00 will also have artificial intelligence, e.g.: Unable to FORMAT A: Having a go at C: Can't Compress Hard Drive but don't worry I'll delete all files over size 50,000 that'll give you some space.

35. How do you make Windows faster? -- Throw it harder!

36. DOS Error #01: Windows loading, come back tomorrow.

37. DOS Error #02: Windows loaded. System in danger.

38. DOS Error #03: Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance.

39. DOS Error #04: Out of disk space. Delete Windows? (Y)es (H)ell yes!

40. Windows Error #01: No error......yet.

41. Windows Error #02: Multitasking attempted. System confused.

42. Windows Error #03: Unexplained error.

43. Windows Error #04: Reserved for future mistakes.

44. Windows Error #05: Nonexistent error. This cannot really be happening.

45. Windows Error #06: Unable to exit windows. Try the door.

46. Windows Error #07: Door locked. Try control-alt-delete.

47. Windows Error #08: Keyboard locked. Try anything you can think of.

48. Windows Error #09: Mouse not found. Press mouse button to continue.

49. Windows Error #10: Game Over. Exiting Windows.

50. Win98 Error #01: Insufficient money spent in hardware.

51. Error: [Microsoft] [ODBC Microsoft Access 7.0 Driver] Error reservado; no hay mensaje para este error. Translated: Reserved error; There is no message for this error.

52. Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013)

53. Windows98: New look, same multicrashing.

54. Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading.

55. Windows95 - Every function is a restart function...

56. Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.

57. Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

58. Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so...

59. Windows - Just another pain in the glass.

60. Windows - The Gates of hell.

61. Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!

62. If Windows sucked it would be good for something...

63. DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell.

64. Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.

65. Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K.

66. Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time!

67. If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!

68. Microsoft's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware."

69. Have you crashed your Windows today?

70. Relax... you are entering a windows free zone...

71. OS/2... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates.

72. New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs.

73. New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++

74. My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows.

75. If Windows 2000 doesn't start shipping soon, it might be Curtains 2000.

76. Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile!

77. I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...

78. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.

79. I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows.

80. Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...

81. Exhibitionists love Windows.

82. Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven!

83. Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...

84. Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!

85. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle.

86. Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail.

87. Newsflash: Microsoft announces Visual Edlin for Windows.

88. Time on your hands? Get Windows!

89. Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95.

90. What's the best of Windows95? The deinstaller!

91. Why is the Pentium 166 so fast? - It's for booting faster, if Windows crashed again.

92. What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft? - One is an overrated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.

93. How many Windows PC owners does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, as long as you explain it's Plug'n'Play... they get confused if it doesn't come with a driver disk...

94. Help! There are Windows everywhere! In my car, my house.

95. Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!

96. Mouse not present - click twice to continue...

97. Who the heck is General Failure? And why is he reading my hard disk?

98. What's the difference between Windows '98 and highly destructive unstoppable virus? About 90 Megs of hard disk space.

99. Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows.

100. I got two Windows hardware emulators! Really! They work much more reliable than the original: one for Windows 95, one for Windows98. Unfortunately they have superscripted the emulator keys wrongly, so that on the Windows 95 emulator key "TURBO" and on the Windows 98 emulator is written "RESET"... But doesn't matter, works great.

101. Windows, it's not pretty, it's not ugly, but it's pretty ugly.

102. In Independence day when pilot uploads the virus to the aliens main computer, the Pilot's Father asks that if he created the virus all by himself, the pilot answers:

• "No, Microsoft did it. It's called Windows 95. When I installed it to the aliens' main computer, the chaos was born instantly!"

103. And last, but not least, a pictures about the real solution. ;-)