58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
1. Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says.
2. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
3. Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted.
4. Drunk gets nine months in violin case.
5. Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents.
6. Farmer bill dies in house.
7. Iraqi head seeks arms.
8. Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
9. Stud tires out.
10. Prostitutes appeal to Pope.
11. Panda mating fails; Veterinarian takes over.
12. Soviet virgin lands short of goal again.
13. British left waffles on Falkland Islands.
14. Lung cancer in women mushrooms.
15. Eye drops off shelf.
16. Teacher strikes idle kids.
17. Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead.
18. Squad helps dog bite victim.
19. Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66.
20. Enraged cow injures farmer with Ax.
21. Plane too close to ground, crash probe told.
22. Miners refuse to work after death.
23. Juvenile court to try shooting defendant.
24. Stolen paintings found by tree.
25. Two Soviet ships collide, one dies.
26. Two sisters reunited after 18 years at checkout counter.
27. Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years.
28. Never withhold herpes infection from loved one.
29. Drunken drivers paid $1,000 in '84.
30. War dims hope for peace.
31. If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while.
32. Cold wave linked to temperatures.
33. Enfields couple slain; police suspect homicide.
34. Red tape holds up new bridge.
35. Deer kill 17,000.
36. Typhoon rips through cemetery; Hundreds dead.
37. Man struck by lightening faces battery charge.
38. New study of obesity looks for larger test group.
39. Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft.
40. Kids make nutritious snacks.
41. Chef throws his heart into helping feed needy.
42. Arson suspect is held in Massachusetts fire.
43. British union finds dwarfs in short supply.
44. Ban on soliciting dead in Trotwood.
45. Lansing residents can drop off trees.
46. Local high school dropouts cut in half.
47. New vaccine may contain rabies.
48. Man minus ears waives hearing.
49. Deaf college opens doors to hearing.
50. Air head fired.
51. Steals clock, faces time.
52. Prosecutor releases probe into under-sheriff.
53. Old school pillars are replaced by alumni.
54. Bank drive-in window blocked by board.
55. Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors.
56. Some pieces of Rock Hudson sold at auction.
57. Sex education delayed, teachers request training.
58. Include your children when baking cookies.
10 Church Bulletin Goof Ups
1. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
3. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
4. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Belzar, the sin of Mr. and Mrs. Julius Belzar.
5. Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
6. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
7. Thursday at 5 pm, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be Little Mothers will meet with the Pastor in his study.
8. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come to forward and lay an egg on the altar.
9. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet come forward and do so.
10. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
