There are serious movies and then there are movies that declare themselves to be serious. One of the films that falls into the latter category is Avalon.

Avalon is the latest movie from Mamoru Oshii. I love this guy. Not only is Oshii convinced he is bringing out Deep and Heavy themes [not just deep and heavy but Deep and Heavy] in his movies, but he makes sure he presents his stories in the most serious and deliberately paced manner as possible. Take his animated movie Ghost in the Shell as an example. With the medium of animation a creator can not only create an entirely new universe but dramatically bring it to life. With Ghost in the Shell Oshii brings to life the world he is adapting for the screen but then peoples it with morose characters who wander listlessly and spend a good deal of the movie staring at the floor, each other, or at nothing in particular as they contemplate life. Even the action scenes had the sense of morose pacing and obscure symbolism that made Ghost in the Shell, in the words of a friend of mine, not an action movie so much as an inaction movie. Needless to say I dug the movie.

With Avalon Oshii flies the lead balloon of pretension to new heights. At first glance it looks like Avalon could almost be a live action version of Ghost in the Shell. Ash [Malgorzata Foremnia] -the best player of a virtual reality game called "Avalon"- has the same no-nonsense demeanor and even the same haircut as Major Kusanagi, the heroine of Ghost in the Shell. The blurring line between reality and the simulated world of computers also shows up in both movies. But while Ghost in the Shell had a certain sense of technological chic to it Avalon manages to avoid anything a casual audience can attach itself to.

First off, Avalon, a movie written and directed by a Japanese crew for a Japanese audience, is filmed using nothing but Polish actors speaking Polish. I have no idea why. This inexplicable cultural shift helps make the movie extra alienating right from the get-go for everyone in the audience except perhaps for the Polish market. In the visual department the movie is shot through filters that give everything in the film a color scheme that runs from yellow to brown. Nothing makes for tough viewing like an intentionally dingy looking movie. Even the genre the movie seems to fall into is misleading. It looks like Avalon is going to be a virtual reality, cyberpunk, shoot-em up nonsense action film like The Matrix but Avalon gets it's harrowing fight scene out of the way during the opening credits so it can get down to the business of having the characters be morose and solitary.

Avalon spends most of it's running time having it's characters plod around the all brown, dingy landscape while riding dingy buses, living in dingy apartments and eating dingy food. There's also some repeated footage in the film that gets recycled for no discernible reason. After two thirds of the movie creaks by like this the movie settles down to wrap up it's enigmatic plot by becoming more and more surreal until it winds up with an ending that is either full of hidden meanings or makes no sense whatsoever.

It may sound like I'm slamming Avalon but for some reason I like nonsense like this. Just as there is a line between having fun with a story and campy nonsense there's a difference between taking a story seriously and taking it far too seriously for it's own good. With it's humorless outlook that makes the movie feel like an obligation more than anything else Avalon most certainly takes itself too seriously. It's complete and utter conviction that it's telling an epic, amazing story that ultimately doesn't work also gives points to the movie. Not only is a mega-serious piece of art funny but a failed, pretentious presentation is icing on the cake. Being overly serious and pretentious isn't the easiest trick in the world since personal ego often over-rides the lofty statements being made. The band Bright Eyes is undone by Conor Oberst's delusion that his introspective middle school level poetry is some sort of profound personal insight while Tom Laughlin -who is obviously is own number one fan- is so convinced that he can answer all of life's problems in his Billy Jack films that he still thinks of the big picture. Overly serious, pretentious and stuck on yourself is bad, overly serious, pretentious and certain you're going to save the world is good, and overly serious, pretentious, and so arty you completely confuse everyone is even better. Not only does Avalon have all this going for it but it also manages to be a total flop at the box office which, naturally, makes it even more cool. You may not like, understand, or ever even see Avalon but you will respect it.

Pretentious, deep comments and questions can be sent to gleep9@hotmail.com. If you're done here put on your VR headset and pretend you're heading back to either the Third Movie or Main page.