It's hard to believe, but I now have three pages of this nonsense. As with the other two pages *Spoiler Warnings* apply with these reviews as well.

Final Fantasy All three of my movie pages have started off with reviews of movies based on video games. That's a very disturbing trend.

Planet of the Apes I like monkeys.

Jurassic Park III You think people would quit going to that stupid island by now.

Reptilian Reptilian, Yonggary, whatever...

DVD Easter Eggs Guest fuming by Cosmic Chris.

Escape from New York Snake has a gun in one hand and the keys to a station wagon in the other and he's not afraid to use them.

Lord of the Rings It has elves, dwarves, and wizards but it's not geeky! Well, not that geeky, at any rate.

Orca Bo Derek fights killer whales.

Kiss of the Dragon Awww, the dragon likes you.

Infra Man The Hong Kong movie invasion continues.

More about Lord of the Rings Guest commentary by Daikaiju Hubbard.

Battlefield Earth Guest commentary by Shriner Evans.

The Fast and the Furious Rub Vin Diesel's head for good luck.

Amelie See? I don't just review bad movies on this page.

Resident Evil Now I'm back to reviewing bad movies.

Oscars 2002 I just can't get away from it!

Greedo An attempt to finally give Greedo his due.

Dude, Where's My Car? Pushing the limits of what can be considered a review.

The Scorpion King It's barbarian time.

Spider-Man Doing whatever a spider can.

Attack of the Clones Is that the movie title or a description of Star Wars fans?

Lilo & Stitch You ever notice I seem to review more movies during the summer?

Spirited Away Guest review by Cosmic Chris.

XXX The review is so extreme I can hardly contain myself.

Ring and The Ring Two, two, two reviews for the price of one.

Avalon I'm back to reviewing movies nobody else has seen.

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers I only review movies that have the word "ring" in the title.

Treasure Planet Less a review than a series of poorly strung together complaints.

Phenomena Cosmic Chris tackles the Italian simian slasher genre.

Night on Earth Another review that doesn't seem to go anywhere.

Street Fighter Viva Chiba!

X-Men 2 A follow up review to a follow up movie.

The Terminator Guest review by Cosmic Chris.

Pistol Opera Why can't all movies be like this?

Terminator 3 Guest review by Cosmic Chris.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Pirates! Monkey! Monkey Pirate!

Firepower Color me amazed if you've seen this movie.

Two Towers DVD Guest review by Cosmic Chris

Matrix 2 Guest review by Shriner Evans.

Princess Blade I didn't realize flatware had royalty

The Last Samurai A movie with a title bold enough to assure the audience there won't be a sequel

Meltdown and Another Meltdown Let's Meltdown again like we did last summer.

Brother Bear Guest review by Cosmic Chris

Dawn of the Dead It's a new movie but they're all still dead

Eko Eko Azarak I think I spelled that correctly

Makai Tensho/Samurai Reincarnation It's a movie about a samurai out fighting ghosts. Yes, it's as crazy as it sounds.

Star Wars on DVD Guest comments by Cosmic Chris

Blind Rage She blinded me with science

The Eye and A Tale of Two Sisters Two reviews that are sort of connected but not.

War of the Worlds Zap 'em! Zap 'em dead!

Questions, comments, and marriage propositions can be sent to gleep9@hotmail.com. If you're finished here -or you have a case of the mean reds and just need to get out- take a cab on back to the Main page.