It's Vin Diesel in XXX and he's extreme! Waaahh!!! EXXX-TREEEE- *cough* *cough* Uh, anyway, since it's been at least two weeks since the last action movie hit the theaters someone got the bright idea to release XXX -or xXx or Triple X or however the heck you're supposed to type the title- a movie that claims to be the James Bond for the 21st century. Thing is, James Bond is the James Bond for the 21st century but things like logic don't seem to matter much to the folks behind X, X and X. Since it was determined by some committee somewhere that James Bond wasn't hip [they had probably been watching a few choice Roger Moore flicks] with the board-grinding, sport-extremeing, with-it kids of today a new action star was needed to fill James Bond's action movie quota. The popular thinking must have been that since the kids seem to love the extreme sports action it only makes sense to combine the spy thriller conventions with the latest in popular culture. If you were looking for an example of a high concept movie XXX would be exhibit no.1.

XXX stars the oddly named Vin Diesel as the oddly named Xander Cage, the sort of name you only find in badly written comic books or action movies. In an attempt to make Xander Cage the perfect action movie character he's given a whopper of a back story. Xander [who is sometimes called by the improbable titles of "X" or "Triple X"] starts out as an illegal extreme sports celebrity who makes his cash via an underground web site. It seems Xander's the only person out there with a successful web-based business. Too bad for him his noteriaty gets the attention of the chief spy guy with a cool name, Augustus Gibbons [Samuel L. Jackson] who decides guys like Xander would make great cannon fodder for the spy business. Without any warning or training Gibbons dumps Xander into the middle of Prague and tells him to go infiltrate Anarchy 99, a group of Eurotrash club hoppers who are also crime lords and homicidal maniacs to boot.

Diesel comes across as the sort of guy who is too smart for the movie he's in but not smart enough to get into a better film, which means he's the perfect action movie star. Not everybody can wander around with fake tattoos stenciled on his body and wear a coat that looks like it was made from the body of an entire llama but Diesel pulls it off it a big and funny sort of way. Samuel L. Jackson seems to be having a lot of fun with some rubber gunk on his face and the idea that he's earning a paycheck for not doing much of anything plus, because he's Samuel L. Jackson, he's automatically big and funny. Yelena [Asia Argento] as the obligatory love interest/KGB chick doesn't exactly set the screen on fire with chemistry but I suspect part of the problem is that as far as Xander is concerned the best looking person in the movie is Xander. It also doesn't help that Asia Argento is a cooler name than Yelena and in a movie like XXX your name is everything.

While most of the cast is robust enough to propel the movie along in spite of itself what really makes for interesting viewing [or interesting in a half-assed sociological film geek sort of way] is how the two separate elements of XXX come together. For all it's claims to usurp the title of top spy movie franchise by injecting fresh blood XXX is remarkably faithful to the conventions found in James Bond movies. The second half of the movie is nearly a blow by blow rehash of common Bond elements. Xander has a tech support guy who gives him a bunch of cool weapons and gizmos, Anarchy 99 has a hollowed out mountain -complete with a bunch of minions in white lab coats- they operate out of, and Xander ditches his superiors to run off with the girl as the ending credits roll. Since I actually like James Bond movies I really didn't mind the whole thing even if the signposts in a Bond movie are so commonplace by now that when a character like Xander has to wing it through a spy mission you expect him to come out fine since he's probably seen the same movies you have.

It's the other half of XXX -it's attempts to be relevant- that make it so interesting and so unintentionally amusing. For starters take the opening sequence in which a tuxedo clad spy is killed at a Rammstein concert. I think the sequence is supposed to show how the old, over-dressed heroes of yesterday can't compete with the rough, loud, edgy world of today. Instead the whole thing is cute. The concert hall is an small, orderly, well-lit affair where Rammstein plays it's angsty, silly tune at a respectable volume so that it's easy to carry on a quiet conversation or spot somebody in the tiny crowd during the middle of the show. The problem with the concert scene is a problem that echos throughout the movie; by trying to co-opt a feeling that is outside the mainstream XXX takes the items it holds up as signs of independence and turns them into mainstream product. In a poorly thought out scene Xander is introduced stealing a car belonging to a senator who wants to ban video games and then proceeds to film the car's destruction so he can show it on the internet. Every bit of that idea sounds like it was come up with by people who had not been young or "with-it" for a long time and had tried to cram together as many ideas as they could find from browsing MTV and internet message boards. Small wonder the scene rang hollow, it's doubtful anybody associated with the film knew what the heck they were talking about.

For all it's claims to be the cutting edge of culture XXX looks like it cribbed most of it's world-view from Mountain Dew commercials. It's also doubtful the movie will age well; in a few years the mainstream outsider view of XXX is going to look as antiquated and campy as an old episode of Miami Vice or The Mod Squad. But if you want to see some stuff blow up real cool or have a few hours to kill or want to look for product placements XXX fits the bill in a big and funny sort of way.

I am soooo hoping that the sequel to XXX will be called XXXX. Questions, comments, and thoughts on whether or not I should shave my head should be sent to gleep9@hotmail.com. If you want to enjoy some extreme hotlinks click on back to either the extreme Third Movie or extreme Main page. It's extreme, honest.