Legend: CSM = Cigarette Smoking Man, WBD = William B. Davis

A more detailed version of an X-Files mailing list post:

The Signing

Thanks so much to fellow X-F lister Brooke for posting about the signing and symposium William B. Davis was doing in Santa Barbara! I stayed for the whole she-bang, and was glad I did even though I'd never been big on the Cigarette Smoking Man myself. I do have a whole new respect for WBD now.

Brooke and I met before the signing at Metro Comics and got to know each other while waiting in line. This was to be my first time meeting an actor from the X-Files. Brooke was an old pro, having already met both David and Gillian (remember that I'd squandered my chance at last year's SAG Awards in favor of a glimpse of Noah Taylor). Not everyone was as seasoned; at one point as we chatted in line, we were interrupted by a scream. All heads turned as one teenage girl ran out of the comic book store shouting with glee, eager to show her autograph to anyone who cared. We need people like this - they help the rest of us feel not so dorky and fannish. Perhaps she was being paid to make us feel so good about ourselves.

We finally got to the front of the line after about an hour. WBD was dressed casually on that sunny Southern California day in a denim shirt. Unlike most of Hollywood, this one's taller than you'd think. He greeted us all for a smile, and one-by-one we posed for cheesy Polaroids with his - a rare opportunity to get a pic with CSM the lumberjack, it had to be done.

Cheesiness was the theme of the day: I'd bought a picture of WBD smiling in a three-piece suit for a friend. I brought the June Go Figure! magazine with WBD on the cover for myself.

In a last minute flash of brilliance, I asked him sign the magazine "To Emile: Deceive, Inveigle, Obfuscate, William B. Davis" ('cause you know - if one more person writes that certain other tag line, I'm gonna...). I wasn't sure if that would be too obnoxious a request so I said, "If you don't mind..." He smiled. "No, I'm happy to write it." One of the clerks at Metro Comics asked what does inveigle mean, and WBD said, "It basically means to make someone do it. 'Linda Tripp inveigled Monica Lewinsky to testify." Still smiling he continued, "Emile inveigled me to write this" I was happy to get this exchange, so now I'm glad I got the courage to ask for something slightly unique.

Gillian's Best Friend

Brooke and I then had lunch, killed time until 6:30 when the doors opened to the auditorium. We were amused by the group of teenagers who oohed and ahhed over pictures they'd already developed from the afternoon sighting and shippy pictures they'd downloaded off the internet. The most vocal of them all had her hair dyed red (of course) and wore a replica of one of Scully's shirts from the film. Apparently she and her friend had impressed (or simply scared) WBD so much he signed their photos, "Trust Me." (I like it, I like it.) She announced to Brooke and me that she wasn't so sure she could talk to us since we'd both had close brushes with Gillian and David. "See, I'm Gillian's best friend. She just doesn't know it yet." She also relayed to us the time when she cut her finger and drew the word SISTER on her closet door, emulating a scene from "Aubrey." We hope her parents seek help - soon.

The doors open and, just as I'd predicted, it was a free-for-all. I always say, every fan has a little Durannie in them, and apparently the symposium organizers were determined to re-enact scenes from Duran's 1984 concert documentary "Sing Blue Silver." The front row was instantly filled with hyper-active teenagers so thrilled to be there, they started taking group pictures in front of the empty podium. "There's a fine line between fan and stalker," observed a man sitting behind me. "And I think a couple of these girls are about to cross it." A man two rows behind me settled in with his camera and a telscopic lens the size of a cannon - if anyone ever requires a close-up of William B. Davis' ear canal, he's your man.

The Symposium

At 7pm, the lights were dimmed and we sat in pitch darkness. The X-Files theme blared through the speakers as the Cigarette Smoking Man was led out, now dressed in his customary suit, by flashlight, and then accompanied by the most amazing light show you'll ever see in a college auditorium. "Maybe I should just kill you and go home." WBD launched into the tongue-in-cheek schpiel X-Philes who saw "Inside the X-Files" or attended the Expos would already know. At this point, I wrote in my notebook for Brooke's eyes only:

Let me guess - he's the hero.

I'm such a cynic. Yes, that was the schpiel, but this time much more developed since CSM was the sole attraction of this event, and much, much FUNNIER. In the true spirit of a symposium, WBD, in character, presented an argument "comparing and contrasting" the characters of Mulder and Cigarette Smoking Man under the subheadings:

• Leadership: (if Mulder reveals the truth he'll only cause wide-spread panic, whereas since CSM covers up the truth, nothing will happen);
• Love and Sacrifice: Who sacrificed himself for Scully in Redux? Skinner, not Mulder. "Mulder is a chicken-livered pup!" CSM, however, in "Herrenvolk" showed the greatest love for Mrs. Mulder.
• Style: Who has more? The answer is obvious.
• Spare time: When Mulder's not watching porno movies, he's throwing pencils at the ceiling.
• Character: Mulder - young, boyish, impetuous. CSM - thoughtful, plans carefully.
• Potency: CSM thinks Mulder's a virgin. He believes the reason the aliens might have approached him is because CSM has shown himself to be a top-notch breeder - Spender, Samantha, maybe Mulder, "maybe even the Lone Gunmen." (!!!!)

The lumberjack and me. Oh, I'm sorry - were you expecting to see me at this website?
Keep dreaming - this is more fun anyway; it's interactive! You too can be a part of the CSM experience.

CSM concluded with his thoughts on why people still think Mulder's the hero after giving evidence to the contrary: it's all lighting and music. So Season 6 will see some changes:

• CSM will be basked in a warm glow while Scully will be lit from the ground. (I loved that one most of all.)
• Mulder and Scully will enter to dark, foreboding music while CSM will be accompanied by harps.
• WBD has worked on blowing smoke rings so there'll be a halo over his head. ;->

Afterwards, William B. Davis took questions. Among the highlights:

• WBD smokes Honey Rose herbal cigarettes. They're awful and definitely not addictive.
• When asked why he holds his cigarette like he's smoking a joint, WBD answered that he discovered upon looking at old photos of his father that he'd subconsciously picked up that style of smoking.
• Asked how he could possibly light that cigarette with a helicopter swirling behind him in the movie, WBD answered that it was surprising he was able to because normally, as was the case during the filming of the CD-ROM, "the lighter works in inverse ratio to the cost of the shot."
• Doesn't believe in the paranormal.
• Said it scares him sometimes that he can play the CSM because he is nothing like him and has no idea where it comes from.
• Doesn't believe the show should have moved, because of the cost and because there's more space in LA leading to longer turnarounds to get to different locations, and that's been difficult so far.
• WBD has heard the rumor that David is more interested in being a Dad than continuing the X-Files, but he knows that David, Gillian and Chris Carter are locked in for two more seasons.
• Last he heard on another movie is that FOX has ordered one, but they won't do it until the show wraps.
• WBD reads about evolutionary biology in his spare time, having started with the works of Richard Dawkins (sp?).
• When asked by one little girl if he knows if there'll be a relationship between Mulder and Scully, he said that it seems that the creators made a decision long time ago that there won't be a relationship between Mulder and Scully... Mulder and Skinner (laughs from the audience). "I took hope in the fact that there was no mention of Mulder and Cigarette Smoking Man. You laugh."
• Doesn't necessarily believe Well-Manicured Man was killed in the movie. Some have said that he might have crawled out the other door of the car before the blast. And when John Neville said to Chris Carter, "Well, I guess this is it for me," The Creator was characteristically evasive.
• His favorite episode is Talitha Cumi.
• Asked if he thought X-F was robbed at the Emmy's: No. Gillian had won before, and Christine Lahti was certainly due. Besides, he didn't think X-F was the best show last year... a deathly silence falls over the crowd... because he was only in four episodes. ;-> (Nice save!)
• Hasn't yet heard Barenaked Ladies' "One Week" though he knows it's out there.
• Thinks it would be interesting to see CSM redeemed, rather than killed off.
• Wouldn't answer if the upcoming Queen Mary episode in Season 6 is tied in any way to Mulder's past life regression in Field Where I Died (we saw CSM as a Gestapo). In fact, WBD's eyes shifted nervously and he squirmed visibly at the question. "Next question!" he cried. I was reminded of that Saturday Night Live skit where William Shatner gets so frustrated by the Fanboy questions he tells everyone to get a life.
• On CSM fan-fiction on the Internet: "I haven't read that in ages. Is there a lot out there?" When told yes, he continued: "Is it JUICY?" The answer: "I wasn't going to bring this up, but there's a whole website out there called "Nicotine Naughties." [Note: the webmistress discontinued the site in 1999. A moment of silence for the finest in Cigarette Smoking Man erotica, please.]
  At this point, WBD joked that he'd have to leave now and find a computer. ;-> Does this poor man know it's mostly slash?
• His theory on how CSM survived being shot is that Skinner might have bandaged him because he had the key to curing Scully's cancer. He mentioned the theory to Chris Carter. And he's not sure if Chris had really thought it out.
• He heard about the cigarette butt in MillenniuM and is as curious as any to see if there'll be a cross-over.
• His first role was in a play - a murder mystery. And before you say it, "No, I was not the murderer! I was only 12!"
• He's considered directing an X-File, but hasn't because he is intimidated by the action parts, and prefers the more character-driven episodes.
• Asked by one little tyke if he knows how much David Duchovny makes (kids just say the darndest things, huh?): "More than I do."

WBD, probably after taking his first gander at Nicotine Naughties.

And, I'd last like to point out that William B. Davis as his alter ego has an almost supernatural aura about him - whenever static threatened to take over the mike, all he'd have to say is, "Stop!" and it would. Spooky, eh?

The symposium lasted an hour and half and ended with a standing ovation - what a rare opportunity to get so much time with a star. "I've got lots of material for my website!" I exclaimed on the way to the car. Sounding much like Mulder, Brooke commented, "Yeah, I saw you taking your little notes." This coming from the woman who taped the entire proceedings...