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When You Are Having A Bad Day
When you're having a bad day,
Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I
found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Hannifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that
rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two
digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I
decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a
jerk!" and hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk," and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and then I'd yell, 'You're a jerk!" It would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment
for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk.
Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is Herman with the telephone company and I'm just calling
to see if you're familiar with our caller ID program?"
He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"
And the reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if there's ever
anything really bothering you, you can do something about it. Just dial (602) 482-9277.
When you're having a bad day, Part II
The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't
think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very
slowly back out of the
stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought,
she's finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction
and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do
that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring
me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy's a jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I
noticed he had a For Sale sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number.
Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone
after calling (602) 967-2121 and yelling, "You're a jerk!" (It's really easy to
call him now since I have his
number on speed dial). I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying
on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said,
"Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right
out front.
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up I added Don
Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two
jerks to call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on them, the
whole thing started to
seem like an obligation. It just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jerk!" But I didn't hang up.
The jerk said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah.."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
"Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked out
front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jerk #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jerk!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jerk!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going
down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing.
I turned onto 34th Street and parked my car under the shade of a tree half a block from
Jerk #2's house. There were two guys fighting out front.
Suddenly there were about 12 police cars and a helicopter. The police wrestled the two men
to the ground and took them away.
A couple of months go by and I get a call for jury duty. I was picked to be on a trial of
two guys charged with disorderly conduct. As luck would have it, it happened to be the
same two guys. I might have influenced the jury, because when they announced the verdict,
they said,
"We the jury find the defendants guilty as charged,.... and a couple of jerks!" |
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