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ONE LINERS
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously: You're not getting out alive, anyway.
I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
I need someone really bad... Are you really bad?
To all you virgins... thanks for nothing.
I'm not a complete idiot.Some parts are missing.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
If something goes without saying, LET IT!
Help wanted -- telepathy:you know where to apply.
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.Want it?
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the
passengers in his car.
God loves stupid people.That's why he made so many.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
When there's a Will, I want to be in it!
Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Don't drink and drive.You might hit a bump, and spill your drink.
Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling so marvelous myself.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Very funny, Scotty... Now beam down my clothes!
Puritanism:The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Be nice to your kids.They'll choose your nursing home.
Keep Honking.I'm reloading. |
| The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it
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